Nothing More Than Friends
by FearfullyBrave
Summary: Ana and Christian have been best friends since they were kids, they work together but swear they are nothing more than friends. But is it really that simple? Not as cliche as it sounds. Lemons, OOC, AU, HEA.
1. Prologue

**If you don't want to read the AN, please skip ahead.**

 **This is my first attempt at writing anything, let alone fanfiction. I had an idea about a story and it would not leave me alone, so I started writing and actually found it quite enjoyable. So, here it is. Any reviews are welcomed. If you have something bad to say about my story, please try and be constructive. I apologize for any mistakes made in advance. If there is a similar story out their already I apologize. I have not read many of them and there are thousands out there.**

 **The characters will be OOC is some ways and not in others and there will most likely be a few new characters that are not from the books. I can't promise to update regularly as I am sitting for my A levels at the moment (English version of SAT's). I will try my utmost to update regularly. I'm aiming for once a week, maybe more, but I make no promises. I go on summer break from school on the 22nd of June so after that you can most likely expect more regular updates.**

 **I will split scenes and AN's with lines, characters subconscious with be in _italics._ Most of the story will take place from Ana's POV but I will alternate between other characters not just CG. I'm going to start the story off by showing you their past leading up to where the prologue ends. If you have any questions PM me and I'll happily answer. This story will not have many lemons to start with, if you choose to read you will see why pretty quickly. The majority of the story will take place as adults however at least the first several chapters will show you their lives as kids and teens (significant moments needed to understand my version of the characters), leading to the end of the prologue. I have the prologue and the first chapter written at the moment so expect the third installment to be a little later than the second. **

**I will write this story to completion even if it takes me a while and I only have one person who reads it. I have found that writing this story kind of therapeutic, so that will make me want to update more regularly. Anyway, I have waffled long enough, so on with the story.**

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Prologue

People say you should marry your best friend because they are the person you can tell anything to and know that they will not hold any resentment, nor will they judge you. They know all your darkest parts and love you anyway, that's truer for us than anyone I've ever met, he knows everything about me, well almost everything. A best friend knows all your flaws and loves you not in spite of them but because of them, _his flaws are what make me love him_. Your best friend is someone you can't live without and wouldn't want to live without. Someone whom you want to experience life's ups and downs with. _God knows we both have those_. A best friend holds your hand through the worst times in your life, when they see you at your worst and you're broken, they don't run, they help you put the pieces of your life back together. _You've been through hell together and he has always been the one to hold your hand and put you back together, just as you have for him. But things have changed._

Today I stand facing the man I love, my best friend at the altar, thinking about all the moments that lead us right here. All the ups and downs we've been through and how no matter what we've always been there for one another, he's what grounds me, he's the one who pulled me out of unspeakable darkness and saved me, literally the first time we met. He's the one I have loved for as long as I can remember. He was my childhood best friend, my prom date, my college roommate, _sort of_ and my business partner. He is my everything, the one person I can't live without, my reason to breathe, my rock. We're standing here facing each other in a beautifully decorated church, lined with breath-taking floral arrangements, he's wearing a perfectly tailored tux and I'm in a stunning floor length gown. It should be my dream come true but it's anything but… _because I'm not the one he's marrying._

The man I love more than life itself is marrying someone else, and I'm standing at the alter as the fucking bridesmaid. I can hear the minister talking about love and commitment, but I'm not really listening because it is taking everything in me to keep standing upright and not let my knees buckle like they so badly want to. I told myself I was happy he found someone he can love because if he is happy, then I should be happy for him, but I'm not, how can I be when the person I love wants to marry someone else. She seems nice, she plays nice for everyone, played the sweet adoring girlfriend, then the fiancée and now soon to be wife, but she is anything but, she is cold and quite frankly a bitch. Not that she would let anyone but me see that side of her. I get it, I do, because I'm in love with her fiancée, but I know how to hide what I feel. After all I've been doing it for fifteen years. So, for the last almost six months I've stood by, held my tongue after every snide comment, every evil glare and played nice. _Not that she made it easy_. I guess the only person to blame for being in this situation, is me. I've had multiple opportunities to say something, anything but I never have and now I guess I never will. _Coward._

I'm counting down the hours till they leave for their honeymoon, I just want to leave, go home, curl up in bed and not leave for the next 24-48 hours. Ideally it would be forever, but someone has to run his empire, while he is on his honeymoon for the next three weeks and who better than his COO. Me. _Four and half hours to go._

"If anyone can show just cause why these two should not be married today, speak now or forever hold your peace." The minster says startling me out of my inner-monologue of self-pity. _Really? I thought they only said that in the movies._

I could say something, I should say something, but I can't, he'll only resent me. _Maybe he won't._ He doesn't love me, he loves her. I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out, just deafening silence. I just stand their catching flies, I can't speak or breathe, my heart is hammering so fast I'm genuinely concerned it might break through my ribcage. My feet are glued to the floor, feeling like they're encased in cement. I'm brought out of my daze as I feel a single tear hit my right collar bone, I don't know how it slipped down my face undetected, but it did. It feels like someone has their hands wrapped around my throat choking me. I drop the bouquet of flowers in my hand and they land on the stone beneath my feet with a dull thud. I'm clawing at my neck as I rip off my locket, when it finally snaps it lands on the floor with a clink that is barely audible.

Before I can register what, I'm doing, my feet are moving of their own accord down the aisle towards the double height, intricately carved wooden doors at the end of the aisle leading to the outdoors. I can't hear my heels hitting the floor beneath me over the thundering of my blood as it rushes through my ears. My hands collide with the doors pushing them openwith everything I have in me, astheyopen the cool October breeze hits my face cooling me instantly. I take a deep breath in as I make it outside and down the four stairs in front of the church, only then does my brain register that we are in the middle of nowhere and I have no car, no keys, no phone, no nothing. My knees finally buckle, and I fall to my knees with thud onto the dirt below me.

"Anastasia!" I hear from behind me as the cries escape me, as I process what I have just done. One hand flies to my mouth to cover the sound of my now uncontrollable sobs, and the other encircles my waist in an attemptto comfort myself.

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 **Please, let me know what you think. Your comments and thoughts would be appreciated.**


	2. Chapter 1

**Sorry for it uploading funny not sure Fanfiction likes me very much.**

 **So here is Chapter 1, I am glad you enjoyed the prologue, thank you so much it means the world, I honestly thought maybe one person would read it never did I think there would be over 50 visitors and within an hour no less. Thank you, truly.**

 **I have had a few people as if this will be HEA. In answer to your question YES it will be it is just going to take a while to get there, so please bear with. Like I said this is going to be their childhood and adolescence first, then them through college and up to the end of the prologue.**

 **Because I know I will get this question their birthdays will be the same as in the books Christian is 11 when they meet just and Ana is just about to turn 11 they will be in different school year but that will be explain in more detail later. I have at least six ideas for chapters at the moment and am starting chapter 2 as we speak so who know if I don't fall asleep maybe I will get it up tonight, if I don't get writers block.**

 **Sorry waffling again, here is chapter 1 enjoy.**

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Chapter 1

 **August 2003 (15 years earlier)**

I'm running honesty do not have a clue where to, but Daddy told me Mommy is coming back but if she comes that means he comes and he can't come because he hurts me and touches me, and I hate it. _I hate him_. Daddy moved here a while ago after he and Mommy got divorced but I couldn't come with him even though I wanted to because Mommy said I was better off with her and him but I love Daddy and Daddy loves me so I don't understand why I have to go back with Mommy. I don't want to I hate it there with him. They can't make me go back I don't want to, but Daddy said Mommy is coming back which means I'm going back. _So not fair._ Mommy says I have to because school is about to start again but I spent the summer with Daddy so why can't I go to school here with Daddy too it doesn't make sense. So, here I am running down a street not far from Daddy's house because Mommy coming with **him** and I don't want to see him. He touches me, and I don't like it even if he says it ok because I'm his special girl I don't like it and he says if I tell Daddy or Mommy they won't believe me, and I will get in trouble. I don't want to get into trouble. So, when Daddy said Mommy was coming I ran because I don't want to go home with Mommy, they can't make me.

 _Ouch!_

Damn rock why are you even in the middle of the sidewalk anyway. I've landed on all fours and twisted my ankle. I roll over so I'm sitting on my bottom and I look at my knees and hands, they're bleeding. I'm crying but I shouldn't cry because special girls don't cry that's what he says. But right now, it hurts, and I don't care, I'm alone on the sidewalk I don't know where home is, and it hurts so bad. So, I pull my knees into my chest and cry because I don't know what else to do. I sit there for what feels like forever but can only be a few seconds before I feel a tap on my shoulder, so I look up and see a boy who seems to be about my age standing in front of me. He is taller than me and much more bulky, he should be intimidating but he's not there's just something about him.

"Are you okay?"

I can't answer him because I'm sobbing now. So I shake my head and show him my hands.

"It's ok my Mommy's a doctor, she can help." He says holding out his hand, but I don't know if I should take it because Daddy says not to talk to strangers, but he has kind eyes they are sad but kind. I shake my head. He reaches under my armpits and picks me up and even though he looks my age he is strong, so it doesn't take him much effort to lift me off the ground.

"Can you walk?" I shake my head no, so he turns around.

"Get on I will give you a piggy back." I jump on to his back causing him to flinch but places his hands under my knees and starts to walk in the direction I was headed in. Until we reach a set of massive steel gates where he walks through and up the massive driveway up to a huge house, _no a mansion like Barbie's._ His breath is irregular and loud, but he keeps going. Till we reach the house and he climbs up the four steps and pushes the door open and screams.

"Mom come quick I need help in the great room." He shouts through the entryway and up the stairs.

He takes me through a double doorway to the left and it leads to a room with three giant sofas, a fire place and pretty big TV. He walks over to the one closest to the door and puts me down so I'm sitting with my legs hanging over the edge. He sits down next to me and put his arm around me and pulls me into his chest and again he flinches, _strange._ Just as we sit down a lady in her late thirties walks in, she has long blonde hair and is smartly dressed, she looks kind.

"What's wrong? And why are you shouting?" She then sees me on the sofa. "Oh, my honey are you okay?" I shake my head and she comes and stops in front of me and sees the blood on my hands and knees and my now swollen ankle. "Christian who is she and what happened?"

"I was playing by the gate and I heard her crying, so I ran out to see if she was ok and she was sitting on the sidewalk with her knees pulled up rocking back and forth. She looked really scared and hurt, so I ran over and saw the blood and figured she must have fallen over there was a giant rock next to her. So, I asked her what happened, and she just looked at me, she hasn't said a word, she just cries, so I picked her up and gave her a piggy back home. Mom you're a doctor you can help her right? She looks really hurt?"

"You picked her up, she touched you?" she says, and she looks shocked like really shocked, I don't understand why though. Then she turns to me, "Honey it's going to be okay let me get my medical kit and we can see if we can clean up your cuts and check your ankle, it doesn't look too good. Wait here and Christian keep an eye on her."

"Okay Mom." She leaves. "See it's going to be okay my Mom will help you." He says whilst rubbing my back.

A little while later his Mom comes back she cleans my cuts and it hurts, the stuff she puts on them stings. She looks at my ankle and tells me we have to go to the hospital because she thinks its broken. She tells me her name is Grace and that she is a children's doctor, I like her she's kind.

"Honey, where are your parents? Can you tell me where you live so we can get them to come to the hospital?" But I shake my head, I'm not telling her because then I have to go home with Mommy and **him** and I don't want to. She can't make me. I try to stand but my ankle hurts so I sit back down

"Sit down honey its ok. What is it? Do you not want to go home? Is that why you fell over were you running from home?" I nod my head.

"It's okay you're safe here my husband he's a lawyer we can help you if someone is hurting you. Is that what you're afraid of?" I nod my head again. "You need to tell me who, so we can help you." I shake my head.

"It's ok you can trust my parents they helped me too when someone hurt me. They won't hurt you I promise." I believe Christian, but **he** told me if I tell, no one will believe me.

"You won't believe me."

"Of course, we will, why would you lie?" Grace says settling on the floor in front of me gently taking the hand Christian isn't holding.

I look at Christian and he smiles at me, he makes me feel safe and I know he will believe me even if no one else does. "Carrick darling can you come in the great room please? We need you." Grace shouts but its soft and not too loud.

In walks a man also in his late thirties and he smiles at me he seems nice too.

"Sorry would have come sooner but I was on the phone with a client. I figured the boys got in another fight but who is this?" He says looking up from the papers in his hand.

"No, Christian rescued this little girl from outside the gates, he gave her a piggy back. I think she need our help and she needs to go to the hospital I'm pretty sure her ankle is broken."

"He gave her a piggy back? She touched him?" He too looks shocked, but I really don't see why I barely touched him because I didn't want him to get covered in my blood. Grace nods. "What do you mean she needs our help?"

"She was running away from home when she fell, and Christian found her. I think someone hurt her because she won't give me her name or tell me where she lives, and she looks terrified and she said we won't believe her. We have to help her."

"Ok, right well honey I'm a lawyer. Do you know what that means?" He says whilst sitting down next to Grace on the floor in front of me and Christian. I shake my head no. "Well it means I help the police so that when someone breaks the law they go to prison, so if someone hurt you I can make sure they don't do it again. But you are safe here. I promise you that." He looks at me with such sincerity I know he is telling me the truth. "Let's start with something easy what's your name?"

"Anastasia."

"That's pretty." Christian says making me feel at ease.

"Okay well do you know where you live?" I nod. "Can you tell me?" I shake my head, he doesn't understand I can't go back. They can't make me. I get up to run but Christian stops me.

"Anastasia, they won't make you go home if you're not safe you can't do that right Mom? Dad?"

"If your home is not safe then you cannot go home, the police will make sure you are safe."

"I don't want to go home but you won't believe me if I tell you why, **he** said so."

"Sweetheart, he said that, so you wouldn't tell us but you can, and I promise if you're not safe I will make sure you don't go home until you are." Carrick says. "So please tell me who you are afraid of."

"Mommy's new husband."

"Ok well can you tell me what he did that made you so scared?"

"Mommy works nights, so he is at home when she leaves, and he comes into my room and he… he… he…" It feels like he has his hands around my throat I can't breathe.

"Look at me." Christian says, and he takes my face between his hands. "It's ok this happens to me too. You need to breathe. Follow me."

"In." I copy.

"Out." I copy. Christian repeats until my breathing is back to normal.

"You have to remember that your safe here, that's how you stop the bad breathing." Christian tells me calms me.

"Ok, Mommy's husband comes into my room when Mommy isn't home and he…" My voice is shaky, so I take a deep breath again. "…he touches me, and it makes me feel dirty like I need a shower. Most of the time I pretend to be asleep he leaves quicker if I do." Grace and Carrick look horrified and turn to face giving each other a look that I can't quite place.

"So, do you live with your Mom all the time? Where is your Dad?" Grace says looking a shocked.

"You believe me?"

"Honey of course we do, like I said what possible reason do you have to lie? We are strangers so it's not like we know who your step father is."

"He is not my stepfather, he is just Mommy's new husband."

"Okay so where who do you live with?" Carrick asks calmly.

"When I was nine Mommy and Daddy split up and Mommy moved with the new husband, a little while after that she took me with her. But I still get to visit Daddy on the weekends and I got to spend the summer here because the new husband and Mommy went on holiday. I liked that but today Daddy said Mommy was coming which means I'm going home with Mommy and **him** _._ When Daddy told me, I told him it wasn't fair and that I didn't want to go. But Daddy didn't understand and said that I would have to go home with Mommy, but I don't want to, so I ran because… because… I dunno I just wanted to get away. I don't want to go back."

"Is that why you fell because you were running?" Carrick asks.

"Yeah I was crying, and I wasn't looking were I was going, and I tripped over the rock and I couldn't get up because it hurt so bad and then Christian rescued me." I say looking up at Christian he gives me a reassuring smile.

"We need to take you to the hospital for an X-ray because I hate to say it, but I think your ankle is broken but we have to tell your Dad that we are taking you, so we don't get in trouble, but you don't have to worry because Carrick with makes sure that you don't have the see your Mom's new husband again. Right Cary?" Grace says having moved now sitting next to me on the couch and rubs my back as best she can because Christian is still holding on to me like I might just disappear.

"Yes, but I need you to tell me who your Dad is, so I can go tell him, so he knows you are ok because I'm sure he is worried sick about you." Carrick asks.

"You believe me? You're not just saying that to get me to tell you who Daddy is?"

"Of course we believe you, now let's tell your Dad and then we can get you to the hospital, so we can make your ankle feel better." The way Grace tells me makes me feel safe.

"Daddy's name is Ray Steele, but he is no my bio… biological Daddy he died when I was a baby."

"I know who your Dad is. Grace, I have his phone number and I'm pretty sure I know what house is his why don't you take Anastasia, Christian, Mia and Elliot with you to the hospital and I will drive round to Ray's and tell him where you are going and bring him to you. Her ankle doesn't look good so best to get it checked. I will meet you as soon as possible okay?" He says, and he kisses Grace's head and gentle tussles mine and nods at Christian. That's weird why didn't he tussle his hair like mine or kiss him like he did Grace.

"Sure, can you tell Elliot to come back in and I will grab Mia she is in her room?"

Grace get up and tells us to stay there. A little while later Elliot comes in and Christian tells him what happened and that we are going to the hospital. I like Elliot he was kind to, but he also was shocked that I touched Christian, but I don't get it I'm barely touching him and it not like Mommy husband touches me, so I don't see what I am doing wrong. I would let go of Christian, but my ankle hurts so bad and I'm shaking, and I feel like I might be sick, and he makes me feel safe, I don't want to let go. Grace comes back with a little girl who has brown hair and eyes, I looked confused when Grace came back because now that I think of it none of the kids look like Carrick or Grace or each other. That's when Christian tells me they are adopted which means they all have different biological Mommies and Daddies like me and Daddy are not biologically related which makes more sense.

Grace put Mia in her car seat she is only six and told Elliot and Christian to buckle up and she carried me outside and buckled me up next to Christian in the back seat, so he could hold my hand. When we got to the hospital they put me in the X-ray and told me to be really still but that was hard because I was still shaky, and Christian had to leave me which I didn't like. When it was over he came back and pushed my wheelchair, so I didn't have to walk, then I had to have a cast put on, Grace told me it would be on for eight weeks because I broke my ankle in two places, _no wonder it hurt so bad._ Once the cast was on Daddy came to see and I told him everything and he believed me too, I guess Grace was right Mommy's husband lied so I wouldn't say anything, but Daddy told me that there was no way that he was letting me go back and live with Mommy and Carrick said that I wouldn't have to see him ever again which I like because I don't want to. Everyone left after a while, Grace had to see some other patients of hers in the hospital and Carrick and Daddy went to the police station and the courthouse to make sure Mommy's husband stays away. Elliot took Mia to go get her some food because she was hungry and started to cry. Christian was still with me he refused to leave and held my hand the whole time even when I told Daddy everything.

"Christian can I ask you a question? If you don't want to answer that's okay."

"Sure, what do you want to know Anastasia." I like the way he says my name it makes me feel like a princess because Daddy and Mommy call me Annie and everyone else calls me Ana. But he refused to because he said Anastasia was a pretty name so why call me anything else.

"Why does everyone seem so shocked that I touched you? I didn't hurt you or do anything like Mommy's husband does so why does everyone look at me funny when they find out?"

"Before I became a Grey I lived with my biological mother and she didn't take good care of me and she let the bad man hurt me. So, when people touch me it makes me think of that and it hurts, and it gives me bad breathing like you had earlier."

"Oh, I'm sorry I won't do it again."

"It's ok I could have stopped it, but it's like with Mia when she touches me it doesn't make me feel bad, but she was always the only one. When I picked you up I knew that it was more important for my Mommy to help you than for me to have the bad breathing, so I made myself do it to help you, but it wasn't bad when you touched me. Your like Mia I guess."

"Thank you for saving me Christian."

"You're welcome, Anastasia."

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 **Ana and Christain will discuss the abuse in a later chapter don't worry. All will be explained in later chapter when they are a little older.**

 **Reviews are welcomed.**

 **FearfullyBrave**


	3. Chapter 2

**First off really sorry it is later than I thought today was hectic to say the least. Honestly,**

 **Thank you for all the reviews, follows and favourites it truly means so much to me. I love the guesses as into Ana and Christian's working relationship and I am loving the fact that people are calling the bride THE BITCH (made me chuckle), think I might steal that. We are a way off from that yet, but I still like it. I had someone ask if I was going to go past the prologue and the answer is yes, I want to show their relationship grow and give you all a concrete HEA.**

 **Not sure if this is how the American school system works but let's pretend that they all go to a school where all grades go to the same place, so Mia will be going into First, Ana Fifth, Christian Sixth and Elliot into Ninth Grade. It will all be at the same school.**

 **Abuse will be discussed in some detail in this chapter, so if it's a trigger for you, don't read. I want to say that to many Ana's abuse story may not read as typical abuse, but I can assure you it is, believe me I've been there. Which is one of the reasons I started this to try and work through my demons. I know the way the conversations starts between these two may not seem like a reality but when you tell someone details of how you were abused you have to trust them not to judge or change the way they look at you. Which can be much easier said than done especially when you are the poster child for trust issues. I have yet to divulge the specifics of my abuse to anyone other than the police because I don't trust anyone that much, so here's hoping that telling all of you will be easier than I think. Plus, it helps that I cannot see any of your faces when you read my story. (Not telling you this for pity or anything like that, just so you have context and don't say that the way I have portrayed the conversation is unrealistic because if I knew someone who had also suffered abuse and would understand. Then someone would definitely know about all my demons.) Don't worry I am safe, I stopped my abuse took me 10 years to speak up though, but he is gone and out of my life for good, so there's that.**

 **If you want to read and avoid the abuse parts read September 2003 and the next day and not March 2007. If you do not read it will not affect the rest of the story it is just to give a better understanding to the characters.**

 **Enough waffling on with the story, enjoy.**

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Chapter 2

 **September 2003 (15 years earlier)**

Once Daddy and Mommy found out about Mommy's New Husband, I'm now calling him Husband Number 2 because Mommy said there was no way she could stay with him once she knew what he was doing to me. Mommy moved into Daddy's house with me, she has the bedroom next to Daddy's and I have the biggest room, the one at the end of the hall which I like. After the hospital Daddy and Carrick told me that the police had made sure that Husband Number 2 wasn't allowed near me anymore, _thank God._ And that if I saw him I had to tell someone, and the police would take him away from me and put him in jail, which I like the idea of. Daddy said that the police had taken him to jail and arrested him, but he had made bail, something about money I don't really get it but as long as he stays away I don't care.

I've been having nightmares for a while, so Mommy and Daddy insisted that I see a doctor, I don't really understand why it's not like I am sick, but it made them happy, so I agreed. I found out that Christian also sees the doctor so that made me more willing. When he told me, the doctor was nice and listened, I felt more comfortable with the idea. Christian was right, Dr. Smith is a really nice lady, she is calm and when I tell her I don't want to talk about the nightmares and Husband Number 2 she listens most of the time, so I like that.

I spent the rest of the summer holidays with Christian, he is so fun to play with and is so kind and helps me out all the time. Since I have a cast on my leg I can't run around and get up every time I need something, so Christian told me to tell him when I do, and he will get it for me. I spent almost every day here, because Daddy works most days and Mommy sleeps because she works nights, so I come here and either Grace, Carrick or the Nanny look after us which I like because I get to spent time with Christian and I like hanging out with him a lot. I like playing with Mia too, she is only little but it's like having a little sister and I always wanted one, so it's fun. Mia loves everything girly, her room is wall to wall pink and she has so many toys. I like Elliot too, he calls me Banana which I like, it makes me giggle every time he says it, and I was right he is kind too, he may be fourteen, but he will do anything Mia asks him which I find funny because he acts all tough and macho but when push comes to shove he will happily play dress up or tea parties with Mia. I think he is secretly a big softy, Christian and Elliot don't always get along very well but I think they both don't want to admit they love each other but when I talked to Elliot I got the impression that he is a little hurt that Christian lets Mia touch him, but he won't let Elliot. Not that he would tell Christian that because as I said he pretends to be all tough but is a big softy and Elliot knows he would only hurt his brothers feelings by doing so.

Christian is a completely different story, I get why he doesn't want to be touched, I don't like to be touched either really it just makes me think of Husband Number 2 and I don't like thinking about him. But I know Christian feels guilty about not being able to let Elliot or his parents touch him, it is however getting better the other day he held Grace's hand and she nearly cried I could tell how much it meant to her and when he did the same with Carrick he had tears in his eyes too.

Tomorrow I start school and I am scared, I am starting at Christian's school, but he will be in a different class though, but he promised to take me to class and pick me up after and look after me during recess and lunch. Being on crutches means I can't really carry my backpack, so Christian said he would, I did try to tell him that I could manage be he wouldn't listen. Tonight, everyone is having dinner at the castle or the Grey's house, but I like calling it the Castle because it's so big. Mommy has the night off work so both her and Daddy are coming, over the last few weeks they have become good friends with Grace and Carrick which is good because I spend a lot of time here at the castle. Grace's cooking is amazing, and she even lets me, and Mia join. She would let the boys but neither of the have the patience, so she says but I think she likes the girl time. Dinner was fun but after we had to go home because we have school in the morning, but Daddy promised he would drop me off before school, so I can go to school with Christian. I found out how Daddy knew Carrick, Carrick had an interview with Daddy about a new desk for his office at home as Daddy is a carpenter, Daddy is currently working on Carrick's desk. It is so fancy, looks like it belongs in a palace or castle. _Fitting really._

When we got home, Daddy carried me to bed and let me get ready for bed then he and Mommy came in and read me a story which made me fall right asleep, but I didn't sleep for very long before a nightmare woke me. That's how it is now I can't sleep for more than a few hours at a time before a nightmare wakes me, Daddy or Mommy come and check on me if I wake up screaming but if I don't, I don't wake them because it's not like they can fix it or make me feel better plus sometimes I kick them before I realise who it is. So, I get up and grab a book and sit on my window sill and read until I feel tired again or till it's time to get up. I like reading books it makes me forget for a while, it was something Christian suggested when he can't sleep he plays the piano and since I can't play or get around easily he suggested books and he was right it does help.

* * *

 **The next day.**

Just like Daddy promised he dropped me at the castle before he went to work, and Grace took us all to school and told us Carrick would pick us all up. Just like Christian promised he dropped me off at my new class and told me he would see me later before he hugged me and left. My new class are alright, but they think I'm strange, I think it is because all of them have been in the school since they were in nursery or Pre-K and I'm the new girl. I only made one friend her name is Kate I like her she a little loud and, in your face, but she is really sweet and helped me out when I didn't understand stuff, she calls me Steele instead of Ana which I kind of like it makes me feel all important. _Like a grown up._ Sure, enough when I came out of classes at recess and lunch Christian was their waiting for me, he made sure the bigger kids left me alone and protected me from this mean boy in my class. I like that he is so protective over me it makes me feel special, he is similar with Mia but not the same.

* * *

 **March 2008 (11 years earlier)**

Tonight, I am having a sleep over with Mia but for the first time I'm staying over at the castle, I've never stayed here before because I was too scared to stay here without my window sill, if I have a nightmare I want to able to feel safe. When I told Mia and Grace why I had never wanted to stay, Grace told me that there was a chair in the guest room next to Mia's with a large window, I could use as a replacement and if I wanted a new book I could raid the library. So, I agreed but it was when Christian told me that if I really couldn't sleep, he would most likely be awake, so we could stay up and talk, was what made me agree.

It's a little after midnight and I'm still wide-awake Mia fell asleep a few hours ago, finally having had enough I get up and grab my book from my bag and head to the spare room. It might seem strange to some, how I can walk around a house in the dark given I have nightmares, but it oddly comforts me. I settle in the chair which I have positioned to face out of the window with a full view of the pool and the garden, its beautiful the way the moon reflects of the water. I love how the world is so calm at night no bustle of people or noise it's calm and tranquil just the way I like it. I settle into the armchair throwing a blanket over my legs which are tucked under me.

I don't know how long I'm reading for when I hear what sounds like a whimper, but I don't hear another, so I go back to my books but after a few minutes I hear another. I put the book down and look toward the open door to the room.

"No." I hear someone say. I instantly recognise the voice as Christian's, the voice isn't that loud, but it is getting progressively louder. "Get off me! No." I follow the sound to Christian's door. I knock before I enter but I know he won't hear me, I open the door to find Christian writhing beneath the blanket and he tosses and turns trying to fight his way out of the torture chamber his brain has him held prisoner in. I quietly wander over to the bed and sit next to him, I know Grace and Carrick said not to wake him because he can get violent, but I don't think he would hurt me and even if he did I know he wouldn't mean it. I place my hand on his cheek which halts his movements almost instantly, but he is still having a nightmare the pained look on his face tells me as much. I have to wake him I know what it's like to be trapped in a moment you wish you could forget. I lean in close and hover above him, my lips next to his ear.

"Christian, wake up. It's ok you're safe no one is going to hurt you. Follow the sound of my voice and come back to me. Wake up." I start off as a whisper so as not to startle him, my voice gradually getting louder with each syllable as he starts to stir. "That's it, follow my voice, come back to me." With that I raise my head as he opens his eye and stares directly into mine, his gorgeous grey eyes looking at me with such fear at first but as soon as they lock with mine it disappears replaced by tranquillity and something I can't quite place. He wraps his arms around me pulling me to lay on the mattress facing him.

"Anastasia I'm so sorry. Did I wake you?"

"Don't be silly I haven't even been to sleep yet. And before you ask yes it's gone midnight and no I am not trying only to fail." He smirks at my ability to read his mind. "What hadn't you realised that I am in fact a mind reader?"

"No apparently not."

"What were you dreaming about? Do you want to talk about it? We don't have to if you don't want to." I ramble as he sighs.

"No, I would but I don't want to fog up that beautiful brain of yours with my demons and less than pleasant images."

"Oh really, you think my pretty little head can't handle your demons, well sir I will have you know that my brain handles my demons just fine. So, who's to say it can't handle your too." I say raising an eyebrow. "So, lay it on me."

"You really mean that don't you?" I nod. "Fine but if we are gonna do this we are going to go by you show me yours and I'll show you mine rules deal?" He lets go of me as we sit up on the bed cross legged facing each other. I stick out my hand as he takes it and shakes.

"Deal."

"What were you dreaming about?" I start off easy.

"Before I became a Grey. What do you have nightmares about? I mean I can guess but I wouldn't want assume."

"Always a gentleman Grey. Your mother raised you well." I say with a giggle, he chuckles too but gives me a look that says, 'stop deflecting'. "Fine, I dream about the time just before I met you." I say whilst I point my finger at him.

"I figured as much."

"What exactly happens to you in your dreams?" I pause. "I mean who hurts you? And don't you dare leave out the gory details on my account." He looks at me as his face falls.

"My birth mother's pimp, I am out three or four and I tried to hide under the bed when he was round just like she told me too. But when he was done with her he would come for me, he called me his personal chew toy, he liked to beat me. Said he liked the way my skin bruised made him feel like he owned me, controlled me." He says in a rush and I can already feel the tears prickling my eyes and I can see them in his. "She would try to stop him, but he usually waited until she was passed out the couch high out of her mind, so she wouldn't interfere. Then he would throw me across the room to see how far I could slide before hitting something, like some sick game of bowling." He says staring at the spot just below me on the bed, if I didn't know better I'd think he was looking at my crotch but I know he is just starring into space, so he doesn't have to make eye contact. "When he was too high to use his fists, he would use a cigarette to burn me just so, he could see me cry." He says as the tears escape both our eyes, I crawl forward and plant myself sideways in his lap needing to hold him. I wrap my arms around his back pulling him close as he wraps his arms around my waist pulling me into a bone crushing hug, not that I care. He cries into my hair as I cry into his shirt. We stay like that till both of us have stopped crying, when I pull back I can see his eyes are bloodshot even in the dull light of the room. He bends forward and kisses my forehead I know it's his way of saying 'I am here for you too but it's your turn now.' He is right fair is fair. I rest my head on his chest looking away from him towards the wall.

"Can we stay like this if I move or I have to look at you, I am not sure I will be able to get through it."

"Of course, Ana you're safe and he can't hurt you. I would never let him." He said Ana I know he means business, he only calls me Ana when its serious otherwise Anastasia.

"I know, thank you but if I do this you have to promise me you won't go all caveman on me and start pacing the room or freak out and smash the room to pieces. Because one it's the middle of the night and your family is asleep, and they won't take kindly to being woken up and you will have to explain the fact that I am in your room. Try reasoning with your Dad on that one." I look up at him raising my eyebrows, he nods. "And two I won't be able to make it through if you don't keep me calm." He nods against my head burying his nose in my hair. From an outsider perspective that would seem weird, but I know I calm him. I am the only one who can just as he can for me. So, I know he heard me and will listen because he always has, and he has never broken a promise to me before.

"When I first met him, he gave me the creeps, there was just something about him that made my skin crawl. I couldn't quite place it, I just wanted to run whenever we were in the same room, I just wanted to leave. At first, I didn't really get why, I guess it was just because I was so young but then he started to say things like how I was the prettiest girl in the town or world, or always calling me beautiful. You would think that it would make you feel good, but it made my skin feel like it was covered in bugs." I shiver just thinking about it, so Christian's rubs my back gently, instantly making me feel better just knowing I'm safe with him. "I told him I didn't like it and asked if he could stop but he just gave me a creepy smile, which just made me feel worse. It was okay because I could avoid him for the most part only having to see him once or twice a week and making sure we weren't alone but then Mom told me they were getting married and I was going to live with them. I remember the day she told me I just said ok, like I had the opportunity to tell her then, but I didn't, for the life of me I don't know why. Things got so much worst when I moved in he would use every opportunity to touch up against me and I would try and get out of it without making it obvious what I was doing but somehow, he always found a way to pull me back. That lasted for a month or two before it started to head down hill, I remember the first time it happened, I was sat on that ugly ass couch in the living room and he sat down next to me and started to touch me up. Next thing I know I'm naked on the floor with his hands all over me fighting the urge to vomit or run because I know he will get violent and I didn't want to make thing worst. So, I just lay their letting him do what he wanted till, I assume he got his fill and left me there, and went to the bathroom, I don't even want to think about what he did in there." I know I'm shaking and I feel so nauseous but if I don't keep going I don't think I ever will.

"That was just the first time, somehow it got worst from there. he wanted hand jobs and he would touch me and told me he wanted to make me orgasm which at the time I had no idea what that was. Took him a few more times before he succeeded but once I realised what it was, I nearly toppled him over when it happened, I just wanted to cry because it felt so wrong. I mean I know it felt good, but it didn't outweigh how much having his hands on me hurt and made me feel dirty. He kept doing it like it was some kind of sick prize for him, like who does that to a child no less." The tears are escaping me at an alarming rate but somehow, I'm still talking coherently. "It took me a while before I realised how to fake them and that made him get off of me so much quicker, then he wanted to come on me, but I wouldn't let him do it anywhere near my vagina because even then I wasn't stupid, and I knew how babies we made and I sure as shit was going to let that happen. So, I played along until I came to live with Dad, but I couldn't put up with it anymore." I can hear and feel Christian's heart beating so fast it's almost like it's trying to escape his chest.

I was so wrapped up in talking that I didn't even realise that he pulled me flush against his chest, so he hug me with everything in him. I have never felt safer, more loved than in this moment because I know without a shadow of a doubt he will look after me no matter what.

"Jesus, Ana I get it now why you never said anything, urgh I can only imagine how bad that was." He says which most would take as him pitying me, but I know it's his way of processing what I've just told him and stopping him from trashing the room. "Come here."

He unwraps his arms from around me and lays down with his head on the pillow and pulls me to lay with my head on his chest and arms wrapped around him. I lay my head directly over his right peck and even though his heart is on the other side I can hear it, it has slowed a little but is still racing. I snuggle into his chest, holding him like I expect the world to flip and he will be my anchor to the ground. I am the only one he lets get this close, Mia can hug him as tight as she wants, Grace, Elliot, Carrick and his family can give light hugs which is slowing improving but no one but me can touch his bare chest or back and get this close. It makes me feel so special and loved that I get to be that for him, just as he is for me I don't like anyone getting too close to me. I can tolerate strangers, but it has to be through clothing only my family and touch bare skin and the Greys of course because they are family to me, can touch my bare skin.

In the years we've know each other our lives have changed dramatically, the biggest change in mine is that Mom and Dad got back together about two years after we moved back in with Dad they started to really talk, and they got back together they remarried a while after that. It took Mom a while to get over her guilt for letting Husband Number 2 get to me, but she did with the help of a therapist. Elliot left for college in September, I knew he was going to be one of those guys with two girlfriends at any given time, _Man Whore, that's what their called._ I mean the guy has been sneaking girls into the house since he turned sixteen.

We lay there in silence just listening to each other breathe before Christian finally breaks the silence. His eyes now free of tears mirroring mine.

"Ana do you want to sleep in here tonight? You don't have to, I just don't want to let you go and if you have a nightmare I want be there for you." He asks barely above a whisper.

"Yeah if it's ok, I don't really want to let you go either. And stop calling me Ana it freaks me out, you only do it when somethings wrong." You would think that it would be the other way around but it's not when something is wrong he calls me Ana just like his family does. When he's cross or can't get through to me then he uses my full name and then I know I fucked up or something is really wrong. He has only done it a few times, but it scares the shit out of me when he does, never has Anastasia Rose Steele sounded so frightening. No one ever uses it if my parents are mad they just call me Anastasia.

* * *

 **The next morning just after 9 a.m.**

Christian's POV

I wake up and go to move but I can't because someone has their arms wrapped around me. It's not just anyone, it's Anastasia. I look over at the clock on my bedside table and notice it's just after 9 a.m. _What the fuck?_ I have never laid in because I don't sleep enough to get that luxury, a night where I sleep for four straight hours is a good night. Somehow, I've been asleep for over seven hours and I haven't had a nightmare since she woke me up this morning.

"Ana, where are you?" Mia shouts.

I am reminded of why I woke up in the first place, she cannot find Anastasia in my bed if she does she will tell Mom and Dad and then I'm screwed because there is no way they will believe that we just slept. Fuck I have to wake her, but I don't want to she looks so peaceful in her sleep.

"Ana, you need to wake up." I say in a hushed voice, but all she does is stir and groan simultaneously snuggling further into my chest. "Anastasia Rose Steele get your ass the fuck out of my bed or my Dad and yours are gonna figure out where you are and kill me. Do you want me to die?" Ray will for sure kill me if he finds out Anastasia is in my bed.

"Fuck." She sits up with a start. "No, I don't want you to die, believe it or not I quite like having you in my life." She says sarcastically which makes me chuckle, but I know she means it. "Can you distract Mia and get her out of the way, so I can sneak out and appear as if by magic?"

"Anything for you, magic maestro." I say getting up and out of bed, pulling my shirt over my head as I walk out to the hall to see Mia.

"Hey Mimi, lost Ana, have you? Come on I will help you find her."

"Thanks C, were you asleep? You never sleep in."

"No just trying to finish my school work." I lie.

"Oh ok. I looked in my room and the spare room, Ana's book was in there, but she wasn't, can we look downstairs for her?"

"Of course, you know Ana doesn't sleep well either maybe she woke up and went to get some food, I could use some, I'm starting." I say taking Mia's hand and leading her to the two-story staircase down to the kitchen.

"Probably, and your always hungry, so is Ell." Mia says with a giggle.

I hear the bedroom door open as we walk down the stairs, Mia is going on and on about some kid at school and the new game they just invented but I am not listening. All I can think about is everything Anastasia told me last night, I mean I knew she was strong, but I don't think I ever knew how strong. She amazes me. I always respected that she had issues with touch just like me but now I fully understand, I can't understand how she lets anyone touch her? When I held her last night as she cried as she told me everything that monster did to her, I could feel her shaking and hear her tears in her voice which just made me crush her into my chest, so I could protect her. After Ana came forward and pressed charges

against him my dad found out about and a few other girls that he had hurt as if she is safe and he is locked up for everything he did to her, something in me just wanted to protect her. It all makes sense now, why she hates being told that she is beautiful, why every time someone compliments her she flinches. She tries to hide it but I see it she gets this look in her eyes that shows that terrified little girl trying to hide from him.

I slept in a bed with her for seven straight hours, no nightmares nothing. _Strange._ Maybe it is because I finally told someone what my nightmares are really about. If I thought mine were bad I was so wrong, hers make mine look like a picnic.

* * *

 **I understand if you don't understand how Ana's abuse could be so traumatic I understand but is pretty much my story aside from who and when. So please be considerate if you comment something negative about it. I am going to start writing the next chapter in the morning, so I am hoping it will be up tomorrow as well, but I make no promises.**

 **If you could please leave a review but please do not feel obligated to. If you have something bad to say please, try and make it constructive. Oh, and everyone who said go luck with my A levels thank you.**

 **See you soon. I am going to bed.**

 **FearfullyBrave (fitting name given this chapter's content.)**


	4. Chapter 3

**I was so terrified to upload the last chapter, but you have all seemed to love it so thank you. I have had a few questions which I thought you all might want answering.**

 **Will this be a rape story?**

 **No, I was never raped (in the conventional sense) so neither will Ana, she is going to have my history of abuse (for personal reasons). I also want to say they will not be discussing their abuse in detail like that again. It will be referenced to but not discussed.**

 **Can you please not skip years?**

 **I would love to be able not to, but I really want to write them as adults showing how Ana copes once she realises she does love him because I love her snarky subconscious (it is so fun to write). Writing them as kids is easier said than done. I do have several ideas for them as teenagers so expect that.**

 **How long is this story going to be and how long till I reach where the prologue ends?**

 **I am thinking 40+ chapters, and I think it will be at least 10 until the prologue end. If I keep getting ideas for what to write and they take up a chapter about chapter 20. At the rate I am going at the moment that could only be a few weeks away but once again I make no promises.**

 **Hope that answers all your questions. If not PM me.**

 **Enough waffling here is Chapter 3.**

* * *

 **April 2008 (11 years earlier)**

In the past month I've stayed over at the castle every Friday and Saturday night, I told my parents and the Greys that it's because I love hanging out with Mia. _Not a total lie._ Really, I stay over because I can sneak into Christian's room, we stay up for a few hours and talk about anything and everything. Then he pulls me into his arms and we go to sleep, when we sleep together neither of us have nightmares and we actually sleep the whole night. It's scary really, I can't tell you the last time I didn't go to bed without a nightmare. I feel bad lying to our families, but no one would ever believe we just sleep, so I set an alarm for a little after 8 a.m. and I sneak back into Mia's room and get in the bed next to hers and read till she wakes up. I know eventually someone will figure it out but right now I don't care, sleeping with him makes me feel like me again. He makes me feel safe, there is just something about him holding me in his arms, that gives me this surreal sense of calm. I know when my Mom or Dad hold me after a particularly bad nightmare I feel safe but it's not the same, being with Christian makes me feel like no matter what no one could harm me because he would not let them.

It's a Thursday night and I am wide awake at 3 a.m. so I am talking to the one person who can always brighten my night, _Christian._ He's awake like always and even if he was asleep he will wake up, so we can talk. Texting him is what passes the night, I've been up since two, I fell asleep about eleven, so I have slept probably all I will sleep tonight.

*How can looking at the moonlight on the road be this calming? -A*

* _You say that every night, but I get it, it is breath-taking. -C_ *

*I know, and it is. You been to sleep yet?*

* _Yeah only a few though about 11 to 2 you_?*

*Same, maybe we have some kind of psychic bond? Lol*

* _Always thought you were some kind of mind reading freak so that would fit_.*

*Hey jerk, I am no freak!*

* _Sure if that's what you want to believe_.*

*It is. I miss sleeping with you. Only one more night till I can.*

* _I miss having you here. You know eventually my parents or yours are going to think you sleeping over all the time is weird.*_

*I know, but I would rather have it for as long as possible, it's nice to actually sleep.*

* _Me too. Wait, is that tree by your window still long enough for you to climb from the roof to it and down?_ *

*It is why?*

* _No reason just curious.*_

*You know even through text you're a shit liar. Have you really learned nothing from me after all these years?*

* _Oh, have learned plenty of things from you. And I can lie after all I learned from the best! But you and I both know I can't lie to you.*_

*Why thank you. Do I get an award? 'Best liar' because my Dad won't approve.*

* _No, you don't get an award because then everyone would know and then you wouldn't be trusted and we couldn't have that. I need you to help me get out of things.*_

*Oh, so that's why you keep me around, I am your lying machine. I see how it is?*

 _*Oh you see nothing Anastasia and no I keep you around because my family loves you and would never let me forget you.*_

*Nice to know where I stand.*

 _*Told you I can't lie to you, so what's better than the truth.*_

*Fine, have it your way, you can't lie to me, right? So tell me what are you up to and why do you want to know if the tree we climbed in when we were younger is still available and at 3 in the morning no less?*

* _Why don't you go and open the window and see?*_

 _*_ Always a man of mystery. Give me a sec.*

I wander to the other window that leads to the roof and said tree. Only to see Christian in joggers and a sweatshirt standing next to the tree.

*What the fuck are you doing?*

* _Tomorrow is too far away and I am tired. You gonna let me in?*_

*You can but only because I am tired. Oh and it's both of our funerals if my Dad catches us.*

* _A risk I am willing to take.*_

I open the window as he climbs the tree.

"Anastasia." He says in a whisper with which I return.

"You are actually insane you know, that right?"

"I do but I think we could both use some sleep it is the middle of the night you know?"

"I do know. Now come on it's time for bed." I say pointing at my king-size. "I'll set an alarm for 5:30 and you can sneak back out before my Dad wakes up."

"Okay, you may be worth it but I'd rather not have to dig my own grave." He says causing me to giggle out loud which cause him to place his hand over my mouth. "Ana be quiet, or I will have to dig my own grave."

"Shit sorry." I walk over to the bed, set the alarm and climb into bed before he takes off his sweatshirt leaving him in just his joggers and what I assume are boxers poking out the top of his trousers. He climbs in after me and gets in the same position as usual my head over his heart and my arms wrapped around his torso. His chin on my head, and one arm round my back and the other resting over mine on his stomach.

"Night Christian."

"Night Anastasia."

* * *

 **The next morning.**

Beep.

 _Urgh._

Beep.

 _Why?_

Beep.

 _Fuck._

Beep.

 _Just a little while longer._

Silence.

 _Yes!_ Wait who turned off the alarm. I don't need an alarm to wake unless I'm with…

"Christian?" I say turning my head to look up at him.

"Morning Anastasia."

"Morning." I say sitting up.

"You know I think we can finally say that the cure for our nightmares is each other." He says.

"You might be right, maybe you should stay over every night."

"Maybe I should." He says seriously. I stare for hesitantly for second and his face falls.

"I think I'd like that, it would be nice to sleep all night every night." I say with the goofiest smile on my face, but I don't care he makes me feel safe and I know he won't judge me for needing him because I know he needs this and me as much as I need him.

He is now sitting, so I move so that I am straddling his thighs before giving him a suffocating hug which he happily returns. "Come let's get up, I will get dressed and we can go for a run."

"Alright, I'll meet you downstairs." He says as I get off him, he gets out of bed, picks up his sweatshirt off the floor and walking towards the window.

"You could use the stairs you know?"

"I know but I prefer my balls attached to me, if your Dad catches me going down then I think he might cut them off before he kills me."

"Fine but will you wait on the porch for me?" I ask giving him my best puppy dog eyes.

"Anything for my puppy dog." He says sarcastically. I roll my eyes.

"Fuck off. You and I both know you would do anything I ask you to."

"Don't roll your eyes, it's not polite." He says in the poshest voice he can manage imitating his Grandmother. Making me giggle quietly. "And of course, I would, isn't that what friendship is all about?"

"Yes, now go so I can get dressed." With that he disappears out the window, I quickly change and leave my bedroom into the hall. My parent's door is still closed so I know they are asleep still. I head down the stairs grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge writing a note on the chalk board saying I've gone for a run just in case they wake up before I get back. Sure, enough when I step outside Christian is sitting on the porch waiting for me.

"I thought girls took ages to get ready?"

"Some girls do but I'm not some girls."

"No, you are not." He says in a sarcastic tone.

"Hey what does that mean?"

"Nothing." He says holding his hands up in surrender.

"Ok, fine whatever let's just go for a run." I say running down the path to the road. "Catch me if you can." He stands there for a few second before deciding to chase me.

"You can run Ana, but I will catch you or did you forget I have longer legs than you?"

"How could I? You tower above me so it's hard to ignore." I say without looking behind me, but I can hear him catching up.

"Gotcha." He says grabbing my waist spinning me round causing me to squeal. "Do you really think you were getting away that easy?" He sets me back on my feet and spins me, so we are facing.

"Never. It is just so fun to wind you up but its why you love me."

"That it is. If it were anyone else I would deck them."

"Yeah I know, but you also let Ellie and Mia do it too."

"Yeah."

"Follow me I have something to show you."

"A woman of mystery, I like it." He takes my hand as I drag him towards the woods a few roads away from my house. "Where exactly are we going?"

"Patience." I'm thankful it's light this early in the morning here and not raining because no way I would venture into the woods if it wasn't. Even with Christian by my side it's like you're asking to be murdered by a serial killer or hitman burying his latest contract. "So, Mimi and I were out here the other day looking for fairies as you do."

"Naturally." I giggle.

"Anyhow, we got a little turned around and found this place." I say we've been jogging for about 15 minutes. "It's like this hidden river. I figured in the summer when Ellie is back, the four of us could come out here with Kate and go swimming in the summer."

"If you think you can get Kate and Mia into a river then of course."

"Oh, I am the master of persuasion, I can do anything." Causing him to snort softly.

"I am well aware." He says giving me a fake glare.

"Come it's getting late let's get back so we can shower before school."

"Do you even know how to get home?"

"Oh ye of little faith, I have an excellent sense of direction. Minus that camping trip when we were 12." I bite my lip giving him a guilty look.

"Ah yes the disastrous camping trip of 2005, you swore up and down that you knew how to get back to the campsite but instead you got us stuck in the middle of a forest in a fucking thunderstorm."

"Hey, I said I was sorry, and you didn't have to follow me."

"Oh yeah because leaving you by yourself in a forest, is going to go down really well with your Dad."

"Oh, shut up I can look after myself."

"That is not what I said. However, you and I both know that if I had left you regardless of whether or not you came back safe your Dad would have killed me and buried me in said forest never to be seen again."

"Ok I will give you that, but you could have picked me up and dragged me back camp. You know you can carry me."

"I could have but you would have been so pissed you would have stopped talking to me for a week and I would rather have faced the storm than not talk to you for a week."

"Me too." I say with a smile, I could no more stop talking to him than I could stop breathing. You would think we would've run out of things to talk about by now but it never seems to be a problem. "I'll race you back to yours."

"Game on." He says running ahead of me. I can't keep up with him and he knows it, so he stops turns around and runs back to me. Stopping directly in front of me, turning around so his back is facing me and crouches slightly. I jump on his back knowing exactly what he wants, he's giving me a piggy back like the first time we met.

"At least this time you aren't carrying me because I've broken my ankle. Please don't run you know it terrifies me that you will drop me even if it is by accident."

"Never." He says as he starts to run, causing me to grip onto him like my life depends on it, I know he won't drop me but that doesn't mean it doesn't still scare me.

Once we arrive at the gates to his house, he stops I give him a kiss on the cheek before jumping down.

"My stallion." I say with a nod. "I will see you at 8 at mine right?"

"Always." He says heading up the drive-way. Giving me a little over an hour to get ready.

"Bye." I shout, and he returns before jetting up the pathway at a speed so much faster than I could manage.

* * *

I arrive back at the house to find my parents dressed and in the kitchen.

"Hey, sorry I couldn't sleep so I called Christian and we went for a run." I lie smoothly.

"Yeah, I heard you up last night, you ok?" Dad asks, I know he wants to know about my nightmares, but he will never know only Christian will.

"Yeah, it wasn't that bad. So, I just got up and read. You know me."

"You know you can wake us Annie, we don't bite." Mom tells me causing me to giggle. I know she means well but it's not like I can talk to her about it because it will only make her feel guilty and I cannot have that. It wasn't her fault.

"I know you tell me all the time and unless I was up screaming it isn't that bad, so I don't wake you because normal people need sleep. I don't. I am okay, really, if I need you I know where to find you. I have to go and get ready Christian will be here at 8 and I need a shower. You are coming for dinner tonight at the castle, right?"

"Yes, Annie we will be there. See you there tonight you are going straight after school, aren't you?" Dad asks.

"Yeah Carrick is picking us up after school, so I figured I would pack my bag and take it to school with me and then just go there after school. That is okay, right?"

"Yeah why wouldn't it be you practically live there. See you tonight." Mom jokes but she's right we have dinner there most nights and I go around theirs's practically every day after school and if I don't Christian and Mia come here. I think in the last almost five years I've only gone without seeing Christian every day once when he had the flu and Grace wouldn't let me, but I snuck in the day after having had enough. I didn't care if he got me sick I just needed to see him, I did get sick, but it was worth it plus Christian looked after me, _so it was definitely worth it._

"See you tonight." I yell running up the stairs. Grace and Carrick are like my second parents, I jokingly call Grace 'Second Mom' a lot, which she loves. I don't have a big family, Mom and Dad are only children and their parents died before I was born so I never met them. I know my Dad had an Aunt she was the one who left him the house, but she died too. So, I have always loved having the Greys, Elliot really is like a big brother, he teases me constantly, but I love it. It is why I call him Ellie, he acts all tough, but he is the biggest softy it is ridiculous. I told him if he wanted to act like a girlthen he deserved to have a girl's name, he pretends he hates it, but I know he loves it just like I love it when he calls me Banana. Mia or Mimi as we call her is the best little sister anyone could ask for she is so kind and gentle, she understands both mine and Christian's aversions to touch, she has for as long as I've known her. If we meet new people she tells them I am her big sister, which never fails to melt my heart.

My parents and Christian's are literally the best of friends, it's why we do everything together. We spend holidays together, we go on holiday together, we celebrate occasions together, we do it all together. I couldn't ask for more because I get to spend time with the people I love.

* * *

 **That night.**

I quietly close the door to Mia's room and move down the hall to Christian's, I knock before I enter.

"Anastasia you know you don't have to knock before you enter right?'

"Yeah but what if you were naked, would you want me to walk in?" I say cocking an eyebrow.

"Ok fair point." He says shrugging. "I raided the games cupboard, I thought we could play Candyland seeing as it is still early."

"What are we five?" I ask with a snort. "That being said why not?"

"Good."

I am rolling around in the middle of a silent laughing fit unable to catch my breath as Christian insists on giving the players a monologue as they move across the board. Not only is the monologue of the characters hysterical but the voices and accents as well have me struggling to catch my breath. All whilst trying to be quiet so as not to wake Carrick, Grace or Mia, which is easier said than done. It's moments like this that are the ones I wish he would share with others, to everyone who knows him he is cold and distant and determined but that's not the guy I see. I see the guy who knows how to read me like a book, can make me laugh even when I want to cry, the guy who so kind and attentive it makes my heart hurt and is so funny I actually hurt from laughing so hard.

"I'm sorry Anastasia is something funny?" He says completely deadpan. I sit up, wiping the tears from my eyes.

"No, not at all why'd you ask?"

"Oh, I don't know might have something to do with the hysterical silent laughter you were just experiencing, but then again that might just be my imagination."

"Must be, I have no idea what you are talking about." I say as he lunges for me pushing me to the floor landing flat on my back as he straddles my thighs pinning me to the ground.

"You." He says seriously but I can hear the amusement. He starts to tickle me but it's not fair because I am trapped, and I cannot make a sound.

"Fuck you." I say when he lets up for a second.

"Oh really."

"Yes, I cannot move or make a sound, it's hardly fair."

"I can see how you would think so but…" He tickles me again. "I don't really care." He continues for a few minutes before I shove him off me and hurry it to the bathroom, so I don't pee myself.

When I come out he has packed up the game and gotten into bed. He is sitting there with the biggest smirk on his face. _Bastard._

"Your such an asshole."

"Maybe."

"You are. You're lucky I love you anyway."

"Yeah and I love you despite the fact you have an inability to control your bladder."

"Screw you it was your fault and I didn't actually pee myself I made it to the toilet."

"Oh well done." He says sarcastically.

"Piss off."

"I would but this is my room."

"Fine then I'll leave." I say as I walk towards the door. Only to be picked up and carried to the bed and thrown on it with a bounce. I let out a squeal, causing him to place his hand over my mouth.

"Don't even think about it, you keep my nightmares away and I keep yours away and if you think I'm going to let you get hurt even if it is just up here." He says placing his fingers on my temple. "Then you have another thing coming."

"Thank you."

"Anything for you. Now come on let's get some sleep its getting late." He says climbing up the bed. I follow.

"I cannot sleep with my head on your chest every night it is going to damage my neck can we sleep like this tonight?" I say turning onto my side pulling him to spoon me. "I get if you don't want to, but this is more comfortable."

"No, it's fine I like this way too." He says as he pulls me flush against him, wrapping one arm around my waist and threading the other under my neck. I rest my left arm on the one around his and place my right hand under my face.

"Night Christian."

"Night Anastasia." He says as I fall into a peaceful uninterrupted sleep yet again.

 **Please let me know what you think in a review, and thanks again for all your support I have nearly over hundred follows and it hasn't even been a week.**

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 **FearfullyBrave.**

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	5. Chapter 4

**So, I had a question about how if Ray isn't Ana's biological father how can husband number 2 be husband number 2 and not 3. That is when I realised I never explained it, so this chapter will be explaining that with most likely a bit of fluff.**

 **Ana is 10 almost 11 when she meets Christian and he is 11. Elliot would be 15 and Mia 6.**

 **In March 2008 Ana and Christian are both 15, Elliot 19 and Mia 11.**

 **In the prologue Ana and Christian are both 26, Elliot is 30 and Mia is 22.**

* * *

 **July 2008 (11 years earlier)**

"Annie can you please go up to the attic and get your camping bag down? Your father and I already have ours, but I wasn't sure which one you wanted to take." Mom yells from the kitchen.

"Sure Mom." I say getting up from my window sill and heading to the ladder in the middle of the hall that leads up to the attic. As attics go mine isn't too bad, it's not covered in cobwebs or in complete darkness, but there is something about being up here that creeps me out.

I finally find the oversized rucksack I want to take with me, so I pull it from the bottom of the pile of bags, only to pull a box off the shelf that was next to it as well. _Great._ It lands with an almighty thud on the floor that has me questioning how it didn't fall directly through the floor.

"Annie you ok? What was that?" My Dad yells.

"Yeah I'm fine I just knocked over a box." I say picking up the box noticing it's labelled Anastasia.

"Please be careful." He yells his voice laced with concern.

"Will do." I say in the most sarcastic voice I can muster, he worries too much. _Can you blame him?_

I pick up the box and place it onto of the old table up here. I take off the lid and find it is filled with old photo albums from the few years before I was born. I pick up the one labelled June-December 1992, finding it filled with pictures of my Mom, Dad and another man. My Mom looks very much in love with the other man, she looks so happy and carefree. I know they are all about 20 in the photos. I flick through the rest of the albums they are all filled with photos of the three of them doing everything together, getting their licences, birthdays and more. I take the box and my bag and carefully climb down the ladder, taking the bag to my room and the box downstairs to my parents in the kitchen.

"Mom who's the other man in the photos?" I say causing my parents to turn around to look at me giving me odd looks. "I think I can guess who he is but I would like you to confirm it."

"You are right Annie he is your biological father." My Dad says.

"Mom? You all knew each other?" I mean I know my Dad knew who he was, but I didn't realise they were that close.

"Come let's sit down and we can talk." Mom tells me. We all walk into the living room and they sit down on the couch me in the middle, I place the box on the coffee table.

"That is your father, Franklin Lambert, everyone called him Frank. I need you to know that I loved your father very much, but he was a complicated man. All the time I'd known he had battled with depression, no matter how hard he tried he could never quite beat it. We got together the summer before you were born but we had known each other for a year or two beforehand. When I found out that I was pregnant he was not in a good place, your Dad had just deployed, and he couldn't cope with the thought that something might happen to Ray. He was convinced that your Dad was going to get shot by the 'enemy', he would have nightmares about his death." She says as the tears appear in her eyes, I have never doubted that my Mom loves my Dad, but I can see she loved Frank too.

"I found out at the end of January, your Dad deployed just before Christmas. I could see your father slipping away, he became more and more withdraw and then the drinking started. I tried I really did to reach him but every time I did it just seemed to push him further away." The tears now escaping my Mom's eyes, I reach out to hold her hand to show her that I am not angry or anything with her. My Dad has his arm wrapped around her and is holding her other hand, I'm starting to tear up too hearing the pain in my Mom's voice and the look in my Dad's eyes shows me that he is hurting too. "In April of that year he disappeared, just up and left, I had no idea where he went. At that point we weren't talking and he couldn't even focus enough to eat let alone think about you. So, I vowed to focus on you even if I was going to do it by myself we would be ok because we would be together just me and you." My Mom is now crying so hard she can't speak so my Dad takes over.

"I came home that July and your Mom told me about you, I was so excited to meet you. I looked for you father too, but I couldn't find him, no one knew where he was. So, I un-enlisted from the army so I could be at home for when you were born because I knew you and your Mom were going to need me. Not that your mother couldn't do it by herself I just didn't want her to have to. See none of us had any family, they were all dead, so it was just us the three of us. We did everything together. I got a job as a carpenter using everything my Dad had taught me growing up, I got us an apartment and moved your Mom in that August a few weeks before you were born." My Dad tells me, and I can see the tears in his eyes. I have only seen my Dad like this once before that was when I told him about Husband Number 2. "At the time I had no intention of being your Dad because I wanted Frank to come back and be that for you. But two days after you were born, and we brought you home there were two police officers at our door. They told us that your father had killed himself, the day before. It was then that I decided even before your mother and I got together that you needed a father, even if I wasn't your biological father I could be your Dad."

I can't think, I need to get out, this is too much. What if my father killed himself because I was born, because of me? _Ana calm down. You need to breathe._

"I can't… I j… just need Christian. I… can't… breathe..." I say feeling like the walls are closing in, please someone help me.

"Annie you need to breathe. Ray call him and get him here now." Mom says in a firm voice.

"Christian you need to come over here now, Annie needs you." I hear my Dad say as the blood rushes to my ears silencing the world around me, I can feel my Mom holding me, but it feels like it's in the distance. I know I should need my parents more, but Christian is the one that makes me feel safe, make me feel ok. I don't know how long I am there before I feel my Mom's arms let go of me and get replaced by the ones I need.

* * *

"Christian?" I say turning to look at him as he pulls me to straddle him and crushes me against his chest knowing exactly how to calm me.

"I'm here Ana. It's ok. I'm not going anywhere." He says kissing my hair and cupping head beneath his chin. When I have finally calmed down, I lean back so I can see his face he looks so worried.

"Alone?" I ask needing to know if my parents are still in the room, knowing he is the only one I can tell this to.

"They went to my house when you started to calm down a bit. Ana what happened? I got the cliff notes version from your parents, but they were as confused as I was, I don't understand what caused this?" He says pointing a finger up and down at me.

"I killed my father." I say in a rush.

"Seriously, that is what has you hyperventilating and scaring the shit out of me?" He says cocking an eye brow.

"He killed himself because I was born."

"You cannot know that, the only one who knows why he killed himself is him. He is dead Ana, so you cannot know if that is the reason, which I doubt. So, don't you dare go blaming yourself for his death, do you hear me?"

"Yes, but how can you know he didn't?"

"Because how could anyone's life possible be worst of for having you in it? You make everyone's life better just simply by being in it, I think I am proof of that."

"When did you get this wise?"

"Oh, I have always been this wise you just never noticed." He says making me giggle, this is why I needed him. He knows exactly what I needed to hear. "You know my mother killed herself too!"

"Yeah overdose, right?"

"Yes, but what no one else knows it why."

"Why?"

"For me." I look at him confused. "The day before she died, she took me to the park and to McDonald's and let me have all I could eat. Then she told me a story about the life I was going to have with a proper family, a nice house probably some siblings and a Mommy and Daddy who loved me more than she ever could." His eyes well up just like mine. "That was the night she killed herself, she did that to give me a better life. I have to believe that she didn't do it just for me, that she didn't sacrifice herself just for me. I have to believe that she did it because she couldn't stand anymore of the beatings that she had to endure. That she did it to free herself too, because if I don't, then the guilt over her death would eat me alive."

"Jesus." I say in shock and I wrap myself back around him. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"I don't know. Maybe it was so I could tell you when you needed it the most."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For always being there for me, for dropping everything for me whenever I need you. For sneaking out of the house every night come rain or icy temperatures to come and see me so we can sleep."

"Ana I would do anything for you because I know you have and would do anything for me. And I sneak out of the house just as much for me as for you."

"I know but I couldn't…" I yawn. "…live without you."

"I couldn't live without you either. Now come on let's lay down on the sofa and go to sleep for a while." He turns us so he is lying flat on his back with me on top of him.

"Okay." Is all I say before we pass out.

* * *

 **A few hours later.**

"I am going to kill him." I hear my Dad say.

"Ray calm down your going to wake her." Mom silently yells at Dad.

"He already did." I say sitting up, realising I am on Christian. "Who are you going to kill Daddy?" Knowing full well he means Christian.

"Him." My Dad says pointing at Christian, who stirs feeling the loss of contact.

"Why exactly Daddy?" I ask fully knowing I am just pissing him off, but I know if piss him off enough it will take some of the heat off Christian.

"Because your laying on top of him."

"Really Daddy, we are fully clothed, and you saw the state I was in when you left? Did you really think anything was going to happen? If you did you wouldn't have left?" I say as Christian rises inadvertently aligning his head level with my boobs, turning to look at my parents. _He so, is not helping this situation._

"Ray she's right, nothing was going to happen between them. If it had, do you really think they would fall asleep on the couch in that position. They are smarter than that." Mom states. _Yeah, we are._

"Nothing happened because we are nothing more than friends." I say causing Dad to noticeably relax.

"Fine, but it is only because I trust you. Not him. I mean look at where his face is."

"Yeah sorry about that. Anastasia can you get off me, please?" He asks, I get up but place myself right back next to him the moment he sits properly on the couch.

"Now did you just come home looking for a reason to kill Christian or was it to talk to me?" I say as my parents come around the couch and sit on the chairs in front of us.

"We came home for you, of course. Annie what happened, one minute you were fine and the next you pretty much had a full-blown panic attack? Was it what we said about the fact we lied about how well I knew Frank? Because if it was…" Dad says but I cut him off.

"No, I just… it's…" I stutter. Christian squeezes my hand and gives me a look that says, 'it's ok you can do this.' I know he means it and having him right there makes me feel somewhat fearless. I tell my parents everything Christian and I discussed apart from the stuff about his mother because that is not my information to tell. The whole time he holds my hand and strokes my arm with his other hand, keeping me calm throughout. My parents say pretty much the same thing as Christian but also pointing out that he was sick. That no one can understand how destructive depression is on someone's psyche and that he was most likely running from his own demons and may not have even know that I'd been born. Which made me feel better and a lot less guilty even if Christian had already helped.

* * *

 **Two days later.**

We got to the campsite yesterday and I could tell everyone knew what had happened, but they didn't pity me, they just supported me. That is one of the many reasons why I love all of them.

"Ellie you are coming swimming?" I say jumping on Elliot's back.

"Of course, but you may regret that decision when I throw you in."

"Don't you dare." I say trying to get down but instead he holds me tight and yells at Christian who picks up Mia as they run us down to the lake.

"You bastards." I yell after having been thrown in alongside Mia, who also looks less than pleased.

"What?" They say simultaneously giving us the most innocent looks.

"I am still fully clothed." I swim the few feet over to Mia and whisper. "Let's get them." We both swim back to the dock and beckon them over to pull us out. When they move to get us out, I whisper into to Mia's ear. "When they get you half out play dead and it will pull them in and I'll help too."

"Okay." She giggles back as we do just that.

"Oops." Mia and I say at the same time as they come up having landed head first in the lake. We start to swim out into the lake.

"You two are so dead." Christian yells.

"Only if you catch us." Mia yell back. We both know they will because both of them are much faster swimmers than the two of us. We get maybe fifteen feet before they catch up.

"Dead." Christian says and grabs my foot pulling me towards him and under the water. He thinks I'll freak out and come right back up but he forgets I can hold my breath way longer than normal. After about 30 seconds, he pulls me back to the surface and into his arms.

"You are going to drown."

"No, I am not I have super human lungs." I say whilst being splashed by Mia and Elliot who are fighting in the water next to us.

"Ok fine, hope you don't drown this time. Wonder Lungs." He says launching me backwards and once again I go under the water. Only this time I swim down and under him by a good few feet. Coming up behind him, I yank his shirt down pulling him under the water with me.

"Hey!" He says as he rises with a cough.

"Oh, I am so sorry do you not have 'Wonder Lungs' like me? My mistake, it won't happen again." I say acting innocence.

"You are so not sorry." He says coming at me tickling me till I can't breathe.

"I… am… I… swear… I'm… sorry." I say between pants.

"Good now let's get out its cold."

"Whatever. You chicken, it is not that bad." I retort.

"Oh, I know it is not that bad but you are skinny and so is Mia you will both freeze. So, come on out." He says tugging my arm.

"Hey, who you calling skinny? I am perfectly proportioned." I say matter of factly.

"If that's what you want to believe, but it's not going to change the fact that you are going to freeze. Now out." He says all stern, which make me laugh.

"Make me."

"Anastasia Rose Steele get your skinny ass out of this lake or so help me God I will throw you over my shoulder and carry you." _Oh shit, you're in trouble now._

"No, you wouldn't." I say trying to back away in the water. I can't stand but he can so my resistance if futile.

"I can and I will." He says whilst grabbing me, only then do I realise that Elliot and Mia are already out and on the shore.

"Urgh you fun-sucker."

"That may be so. Stop hitting me it isn't going to make me put you down. You aren't even inflicting any pain." He says but I don't stop till we get back to camp and he sets me down.

"What happened?" Grace asks.

"Ask them." I say pointing to the boys.

"They looked hot, so we thought they might want to cool down and go swimming." Elliot says whilst trying to act innocent.

"In their clothes?" She says bursting out in laughter, causing everyone else to follow.

Once everyone stops laughing we all go shower and get ready for lunch. You would think that Mia, Grace and my Mom being girly girls wouldn't want to go camping but they all love it just as much as the guys. I begged mine and Christian's to let all the kids sleep in one tent so that I would at least be able to sleep near Christian. Because I am an expert persuader, I got to sleep with Christian even if all we could do is hold hands as we slept. It was enough because I knew he was there and I was there for him. My dreamcatcher worked like always.

* * *

 **As always please let me know what you think but don't feel obligated.**

 **FearfullyBrave.**

 **Thanks to Joan as always, you are a start. Oh and T (you know who you are) I mean it message me.**


	6. Chapter 5

**No waffling this time, lets just get on with it. Thanks for everything. Enjoy.**

* * *

 **17th June 2010 (8 years earlier)**

Tomorrow is Christian's 18thbirthday and I have the perfect gift in mind but I haven't been able to figure out a legitimate reason to get it installed yet. It is not like I can tell my parents that I want a trellis installed on the porch below my bedroom window so that Christian can get in and out of my room every morning and night without you hearing. Every time he climbs that tree my heart skips beats until he is safely on the ground, it terrifies me that he will fall and crack his head open. Not only that but then I would have to explain to my parents that he has been doing it doing it almost every day for over two years because I can't see that going down well with my parents. If ever I do have to tell them Christian is for sure or he's going to wish he died falling out of the tree, because my Dad will kill him in the most agonising way possible after all he is ex-army, so I am sure he'll know how to torture Christian.

I leave the comfort of my room, more specifically my window sill and head into the kitchen, Christian left about an hour ago to go home before his parents woke up. I need a reason for the trellis and I need to get it done today while we are at school, so he doesn't see it until he sneaks in tonight. Seeing as it will most likely be after midnight it will technically be his birthday. _It works out perfectly._

"Hey, I have an odd question?" I say weakly, still not sure how I can lie my way out of it. I know that when I am presented with a situation I need to lie, I can always cope better in the moment. Odd you would think planning a lie would help but I never does, you come across rehearsed, that's how you get caught.

"Shoot." My Dad says.

"Tomorrow is Christian's birthday and I need your help to sort out his present. Please."

"What exactly are you getting him?" My Mom questions.

"A trellis on the side of the porch." I say deadpan causing my parents to look at me like I've grown two heads. _Can't blame them on that one, it is an odd request._

"Why on earth would he want that?" My Dad all but shouts.

"It is something he said once about his birth mom, I wish I could tell you but I swore not to." _Smooth._

"Okay, what exactly do you have in mind?" My Dad asks.

"Really, you're not going to ask why?" I ask confused I expected much more resistance.

"No, have you ever tried to get a secret out of either of you? Especially if it is between the two of you, it would be easier to get blood out of a stone." My Mom says in all seriousness, though I have to admit she isn't wrong. It is like we have this vault, once something is in it doesn't come out.

"Ok, fair point. Can you build me one today Daddy since I am your favourite daughter?" I ask giving him puppy dog eyes, I may be 17 but they work every time with my Dad. _It really shouldn't be that easy._

"You're my only daughter, but yes for you anything. What did you have in mind?" He says surprisingly, not putting up any kind of fight.

"I have the plans in my room, let me go get them."

"Just how long have you been working up the courage to ask me?"

"Dad, let's be honest you know that I waited till today because I knew you had the day off and it is the day before, so he won't see it till the day of."

"Fair point, you have always known how to play me, even when you were a baby all you had to was bat those eyes at me and I was putty in your hands." He says with a chuckle, causing both my Mom and me to giggle. "Now go get those plans and we can see what we can do until he gets here."

"Thank you, Daddy. I love you."

"Yeah, yeah. Go." He says pointing to the stairs.

"Hey, what about me don't you love me?" My Mom asks giving me the most childish pout.

"Yes Mother of course I love you too."

When I return with the plans, I show him exactly where I want it to go directly below my room. I explain it by saying a load of crap about lighting and soil. I'm interrupted by Christian's horn, signalling my ride to school.

* * *

 **Later that day.**

Kate and I are sitting in Math, not actually doing any work because we could both this class in our sleep. Kate and I have always been friends, but it has only been these last few months that we have gotten really close. I think it is because I know Christian is leaving in a few months for college and I honestly have no idea what I am going to do without him. I know I am going to have to get used to not sleeping through the night again and the resurrection of my nightmares, which have laid dormant for the last two years. _Thanks to my personal dream catcher._ I have always like Kate but she is a little full on so we had never really hung out much outside of school, partly because Christian hasn't always been the biggest fan of hers but it is only because he is so protective. But, when I sat him down and explained that once he left for college I was going to need someone to keep me company at lunch and hang out with outside of school other than Mia. I know that despite the fact that he's going to be on the other side of the country we will talk to each other every day and text when he can't sleep at night, because I know just like I won't be able to sleep he won't either. I find comfort in the fact that even though it has been two years since we started sleeping together, I know that he is nowhere near ready to sleep apart from me than I am from him.

I am not just going to miss my running buddy, the person who makes me feel like me, the one who holds me when I cry, the one who makes me laugh like no one ever has or will. I am going to miss the fact that he will no longer be just a five-minute run away from me, I am going to miss the way he holds me at night. How we can stay up for hours and talk about nothing and never get bored. I am going to miss the guy who knows me better than anyone ever has. I am going to miss his piggybacks, his hugs, his ridiculous monologues about the absolutely mundane thing in life. The way we go out for breakfast at the diner near school every Saturday morning when we wake up or how every Friday night he takes me bowling, even though he hates it and only goes to make me happy. I am going to miss seeing my best friend. But more than anything I am just going to miss him.

"So, are you finally going to tell me what you are getting lover boy for his birthday?" Kate started calling Christian 'Lover Boy' when we were in the tenth grade because and I quote 'sooner or later you two are going to pull your heads out of your asses and realise that you are head over heels in love with each other.' No matter how many times I tell her we are nothing more than friends, she still refuses to call him anything else.

"Yes, but you cannot tell Christian." I say stressing the last word to try and point out that is his is name and that I am not in love with him. _You just keep telling yourself that._

"Oh, right because he would actually believe me, plus I only have to keep it a secret till tomorrow. So how hard can that be?" She has got a point.

"I got him a trellis."

"Why the fuck would you get him that?" She says with a look of sheer disgust on her face.

"Because he will love it."

"Why on earth would anyone want one? It's not like he's passionate about gardening or something. Or is he?" Making me laugh.

"No, it isit's going on my porch under my room." I say leaving her to fill in the blanks because she is the only one who knows about mine and Christian's sleeping arrangements.

"Oh, I see. You are giving lover boy better access to your bedroom. Wait! How on earth did you get your parents to agree to that?"

"I didn't tell them why I wanted it? Well the truth anyway."

"What did you tell them?" She asks cocking an eyebrow.

"I said the it had something to do with his birth mom because I knew they wouldn't push the subject then." They know some of what happened to him before he became a Grey, so I knew it was the one thing they wouldn't dig into.

"Smooth, Steele I have to say for a girl who is the model student, I mean A's in every class you sure know how to lie like no one else."

"What can I say, girls got to have a special talent. I am honestly surprised no one but you and Christian ever sees it?" I say shrugging.

"Yeah well I'm observant and he… well he's in love with you."

"For the last fucking time, I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH CHRISTIAN GREY!" I say a little louder than intended causing a few girls around us to turn and look. _You can tell yourself that, doesn't mean it's true._ Shut up.

"If you say so!"

"I do say so."

* * *

 **That evening.**

Arriving home after dinner I see the trellis, exactly how I wanted it. It is a little after 11, we all had dinner at the castle because Grace's cooking is the best. Plus, she loves having us all over.

"Night, love you guys." I say running up the stairs to get ready for bed knowing I need a shower and shave before Christian comes over in a little over an hour.

"Night Annie, we love you too." They shout in unison. It has been sheer luck that my parents haven't caught us. They need their sleep, so every night unless it's an occasion they are in bed by midnight. That has always served in my favour because there is no way he could sneak into the house if they were still awake.

Once I have showered I lightly dry my hair, so when Christian gets here he can braid it for me. He learned how to braid hair when he was little, he would braid his birth mother's hair, but he perfected it for Mia, so he can do her hair when Grace isn't home, because lord knows there is no way Carrick could do it. He is so gentle when he does my hair, Iit always makes me feel so special, there no feeling like it. Sure, enough just as its gone on midnight I get a text.

* _Just leaving mine, be there in 5. -C_ *

*Alright let me know when you get here I want to see if you spot your birthday present. -A*

* _Okay. What am I looking for?*_

*You will have to wait and see when you get here.*

Knock. Knock. Knock. I hear from behind me and I turn around the see him right outside my window, he always knocks but very quietly, so you cannot hear it outside of my room.

"Happy birthday. You are officially and adult now. How does it feel?" I ask pulling him into a hug as he pick me up and spins me round.

"Thank you and no different really. Did you leave your hair down for me?"

"Who else?" I says making his face break into the most adorable grin, I know he loved to do my hair.

"What do you want?" He asks about the style of braid I want but it's his birthday, so I let him choose.

"It's your birthday, you choose."

"Ah, famous last words. I love that you trust me that much."

"I love that I trust you that much, it's nice to not have to worry or think because I know you would never do anything to hurt me. Betraying me would hurt me so I know you wouldn't. Your too god damn protective to do so." I say sitting down on the floor in front on the bed handing him the brush and hair ties.

"Damn straight."

"Oh, shit if forgot. Did you see your present?" I ask waiting eagerly for his response.

"Yeah thank you, it is perfect. You worry too much you know that?"

"Oh, shut up you're just the same, plus its only because I love you and don't want you to die. Sue me for needing my best friend. If it makes me selfish so be it."

"It doesn't you are the least selfish person I know. How did you get your parents to agree to have it put in?"

"How else I used their love me against them?" I say jokingly. "I told them it had something to do with your birth mother, so if they ask you have to tell them that."

"Oh, I see once again I have to lie to our families. You are so much trouble Anastasia."

"You could just tell them the truth, but I don't like your odds for making it out of that conversation alive. So, it's your choice?"

"I think I will be better off lying."

"Told ya."

"I know you did. Does it ever get annoying being right all the time?"

"You would think, but no never." I say sarcastically.

"Left side done." He says turning my head so that he can complete the right. I didn't even feel it, that is how good he is.

"Do I get any other present? Not that I'm complaining, I love my gift, but I figured there would be more."

"Is that all I am to you, just presents and hair to braid?" I ask in mock anger.

"Oh Anastasia, you are so much more than that. You think I don't see you avoiding the question?" Making me blush.

"Fine you got me. I got you a few other gifts, but you will have to wait for them till tonight, after your birthday dinner."

"Do you know if Elliot is coming back? I did ask Mom, but she wouldn't give me a straight answer."

"He is but it's supposed to be a surprise so for fuck sake act surprised, will you?"

"Yes, you are a shit secret keeper."

"No, I am not. I keep all your secrets. I just can't lie to you, you see right through me, so really there is no point in trying to. Hence the fact we have no secrets."

"Fair point. You're done by the way." He says placing the brush on the night stand and pulling me to my feet. I turn to face the mirror.

"Flawless as always. Thank you."

"You don't need to thank me, I love to do it. I will turn them into flowers in the morning before I go."

"Really, I love it when you do my hair too."

"Wanna go to sleep I'm tired?"

"Yeah, how do you want to lay? It's your birthday you choose." He ponders my question for a few seconds before replying.

"You with your head on my chest. That ok?"

"When is it not?" I say climbing into bed, shortly followed by a shirtless Christian. He loves when I lay with my head on his bare chest because I am the only one who can touch him bare. Plus, it's hot out so who wants to sleep in any more clothing than necessary, hence my pyjama shorts and tank top. I know I should feel uncomfortable without a bra on in front of him, but I don't, I never have, he always makes me feel comfortable, including my insecurities about my body.

I lay my head on his chest, snuggling so I position my head directly in front of his nose because I know he loves to smell my shampoo. I am just getting comfortable when I remember that I haven't locked the door. I jump out of bed, lock the door and jump back into bed reassuming my position.

"Night, Birthday Boy."

"Night Anastasia." He says with a chuckle.

* * *

 **June 18th 2010 (8 years earlier)**

I wake up to the alarm, I set it to go off a little before 7 so Christian could lay in because everyone deserves to lay in on their birthday. Right? I reach over and turn the alarm off and wake Christian just like I have done for the last two years. I give him a kiss on his face for every year he has been alive. _Yeah everywhere except his lips._ By the fifth kiss he's starting to stir and when I reach the eighteenth he has his arms wrapped around me crushing me into his chest, planting a firm kiss on the top of my head. Making me squeal.

"Anastasia Rose be quiet!" He says in a firm authoritative voice, making me giggle silently but I know he can feel it. "If it's quite alright with you I would rather not die on my birthday." He says raising his eyebrows.

"You're right. I apologise tomorrow will be just fine." I say causing him to flip us so I am directly underneath him, effectively pinning me to the bed.

"No not tomorrow or the day after. I plan on living a long and happy life with you in it. That does not happen if I die at the hands of your father or if he chains you to your bed for the next fifty years. So…" He tickles me. "You…" Another tickle. "Will…" Another, now I am dying to make a sound. "Not... Make… A… Sound… And… Get… Me… Killed… Do I make myself clear?" He says finally stopping allowing me to take deep breath to try and regulate my breathing.

"Yes, Sir." I say saluting.

"Good now I have to go before your parents get up." He says before he kisses my forehead and slipping out of bed.

"Happy Birthday." I say as he slips his shirt back over his head. I cannot sleep if he has his shirt on there is just something about feeling his skin against mine and knowing that I am the only one who can touch it. Even when we go camping and we fall asleep just holding hands under the covers, I still wake up with my head on his chest and my hand up his shirt or spooning with his bare chest pressed up against my back. It makes me feel so special and loved.

"Thank you." He says giving me the most incredible smile. I climb out of bed and give him a kiss on the cheek as he climbs out of the window. "What was that one for?"

"One for luck. Obviously." I say rolling my eyes.

"Obviously." He says slipping out of the window and climbing down the trellis and no longer the tree. He doesn't see the nail that his not fully hammered. "Motherfucker." I hear him quietly yell. I look down and see him clutching his hand and there is already blood, it looks bad even from up here.

"Shit, wait there I am coming down." He nods in response. I grab a pair of sweatpants off of the floor and grab the nearest hoodie. I throw them on before running out of my room into the hall and down the stairs as quietly as possible so as not to wake my parents who will be up any minute. I grab some kitchen towels on the way.

When I reach him outside, I see the blood, the cut is easily an inch long and will definitely need stitches. "What the hell did you do?" I say placing the kitchen towel on the cut, to try and stop the bleeding, which causes him to wince at the pain.

"There's a nail sticking out on the trellis."

"Shit, sorry. Maybe the tree was safer after all?" I say giving an apologetic look.

"Don't apologise, it's not your fault. If anyone is to blame it's your father for not putting the nail all the way in or me for not looking where I put my hands."

"Yeah, probably come let's get you home, I think you need stitches and your Mom is the only one who can do that." I say pulling him towards the street.

"Grace, I need your help and bring your medical bag." I say once we enter the castle. I head right into the kitchen so as not to get blood all over the house. "We're in the kitchen."

Not two minutes later Grace comes running in still in her pyjamas but carrying her bag. She is followed by Carrick and Mia also in their pyjamas.

"What the hell happened?" She says rushing to Christian, putting the bag on the counter.

"Well someone here didn't see the nail sticking out of the fence when we were running around the corner. So, I ran in and got some towels from mine house before coming over. I think he needs stitches, so I figured it was best to come here ." I lie smoothly not missing a beat.

"I think you are right about the stitches, it is deep but you're lucky, I don't think it's deep enough to cause any lasting damage." Grace says calmly pulling out supplies from her bag.

"Is the nail okay?" Carrick asks causing us all to laugh.

"Yes, the nail is fine, and so am I. Thanks for asking _Dad_." Christian retorts exaggerating Dad to prove his point.

"Well at least I have my priorities straight. Oh, and happy birthday son."

"Yeah Happy Birthday, C." Mia squeals, moving over to him kissing his cheek.

"Happy Birthday. Sorry but this going to hurt." Grace tell him before injecting him with anaesthetic and stitching him up.

We spent the day at school and came home to Elliot in the kitchen because is a Friday he was able to come home for the whole weekend. We all had dinner, cake, _so much cake._ Christian loved all his presents, but he told me that the trellis was his favourite gift even if it attacked him. Which made me laugh, no one pressed on why I got him a trellis surprisingly, I was right if I said it had something to do with his birth mother then no one would touch the subject. Everyone knows he refuses to talk about her to anyone but me. I convinced my parents to let me sleep at the Grey's for the whole weekend, so I could spend his birthday night in his bed.

When I got to his room we played his new Xbox and the new games he got with it. Even if I lost every time we still had fun. We stayed up till two talking about the things we want to do when we leave home. Just like always we fall asleep in each other's arms with my head on his chest.

 **I am not sure if Xbox was a thing then but oh well call it artistic license.**

 **Up next is Ana's 18th.**

 **As always please leave a review if you can but please don't feel pressured to. Do you believe Ana when she says she isn't in love with Chrisitan? I don't.**

 **FearfullyBrave.**

 **Joan thanks you badass. LOL**


	7. Chapter 6

**Ana's 18th.**

* * *

 **September 10th 2010 (8 years earlier)**

I am awoken by a kiss to my temple, then one on the other side. Followed by a trail of kisses leading up my forehead and back around to the first temple, continuing down my cheek and jawline till arriving back up at my temple. A kiss to each cheek, 18 in total finished with one smack dab in the middle of my forehead. I open my eyes to find Christian hovering above me with the biggest goofiest grin on his face, it's the one he reserves just for me. I am certain mine mirrors his because who wouldn't if they woke up like that.

"Morning, what was that for?" I ask knowingly.

"Because it may or may not be your birthday. Birthday Girl." He says climbing off me and settling on the bed next to me.

"Are you sure I don't feel old?"

"Yes, I am sure, and you are not old because if you were that would mean you think I'm old. Do you think I'm old Anastasia?"

"No of course not."

"Then you're not either."

"Fine I concede. What time is it?"

"A little before 7. Why'd you ask?"

"Wanted to know how long I have left before you have to leave."

"Ten minutes at least."

"Good because I don't want to move until absolutely necessary." I say snuggling it to his chest.

"How is that any different from any other day?"

"It is because come tomorrow you're leaving." I say, and I can already feel the tears forming.

"Hey, no tears it's you're birthday." He says wiping the lone tear slipped down my cheek.

"I know, I know but I don't want you to go. I understand that you have to, but I don't want to be without you. Who is going to keep my nightmares away? Who is going to braid my hair? Who is going to listen to all my boring stories?" I say barely keeping my voice in check.

"So, that is all I am to you a dream catcher, a hair dresser and a sounding board? Way to make a guy feel loved." Making me giggle.

"You know you are more than that. I just mean I do not know what I am going to do without you. For fucks sake we haven't spent a night apart in two and half years and we talk and see each other every day. And now it is going to be three months before I see you in person again and who knows how much time you will have to talk when you are away at college?"

"Come on. It's going to be ok. We will call each other at least once a day and we will text constantly and we get to spend Christmas and New Year's together. You know if I could I would stay or take you with me I would, but I can't, if there was anywhere else I could go to school you know I would."

"I know you would, I just wish your Dad didn't have such aspirations about going there. You promise we'll talk every day?" influence

"Yes, Ana. We _will_ talk every day."

"Ok, I'm holding you too that. And don't fucking call me Ana it freaks me out."

"But that's your name." He tells me like it's the most obvious statement in the world.

"But… it's not what _you_ call me!" I bite back careful not to yell, I do not want my parents to hear.

"Fine, if you insist. _Anastasia."_ I roll my eyes in return. "I should go."

"I know." I say with a pout.

"Don't look at me like that I will be back in an hour to take you to school and I will pick you up after school."

"Okay." I say glumly.

"Happy Birthday Anastasia." He says giving me a kiss on the forehead before ducking out the window and down the trellis. "That final one was for luck, not that you need it."

"Thank you. Bye."

"Bye."

* * *

 **Later that day.**

I am sitting in the library at the castle in the brand-new reading chair Grace and Carrick got me for my birthday. The chair is incredible, it is one of those chairs that rockseffortlessly and has a footstool that rocks too, so no matter what position you are in it is comfortable. I got so many great gifts, but there is one gift I am still yet to receive, because and I quote 'Anastasia I have one more gift for you but you can only have it when everyone else is in bed.' To say I am curious as to what he is going to give me would be an understatement.

I am alone in the library but I know he is by the door, he has been there awhile. I can always feel Christian before I see him, I get this overwhelming sense of peace that's how I know he is standing there watching me.

"You going to come in or just stare at me like a serial killer watching his next victim?" I say without even looking up from the book.

"How did you know I was there?" He asks as his footsteps get closer.

"I always know when you're there, I _feel_ you!" I say making my eyes really wide stressing how crazy it sounds. He chuckles.

"I feel it too. Don't worry you're not the only one." He says reading my mind as he sits on the footstool moving my feet onto his lap.

"What time is it?" My parents went home around 11 and that was probably about hour ago. I'm staying at the castle tonight because I said I wanted to spend as much time with Christian as possible before he leaves tomorrow afternoon.

"A little before midnight. Why?" He says giving me a sceptical look.

"I wanted to know if it was still my birthday."

"No, you didn't. Come on spill it. Why'd you really want to know?" Damn it how can he read my mind?

"I wanted to know how long I have left before you have to leave. And I wanted to see if I could get my last birthday present actually on my birthday?"

"Oh, and yes you can, come let's go, Birthday Girl." He says pulling me from the chair.

Once we get to the piano, I realise that the reason I had to wait is because he is too afraid to play in front of everyone else. I don't know why he's so apprehensive about it because he's amazing but, yet I am the only one he will play for.

"What are we doing?"

"I am going to give you your present."

"And what exactly is my present?"

"Why don't you just wait and see?" He says as we sit side by side on the piano bench.

"You are going to play for me?" I say feeling touched.

"I'm going to do a little more than play." He says making my face tort in confusion.

"Okay?" I say sceptically. As he begins to play the opening notes for Adele's 'When We Were Young.'

"Oh my god, I love this song."

"I know." He says deadpan.

"Do you know why I love it?"

"No, why?"

"Because it reminds me of us. Wait are you going to sing for me?" I ask as realisation suddenly dawns on me.

"Why don't you just wait and see? God you are so impatient." He says rolling his eyes.

* * *

 **AN: '' single apostrophe means singing and if it is regular font it is Christian singing and if it is italic it is _Ana,_ and if it is in bold it is sung together. Sung like Youtube- When We Were Young – Adele (Austin and Katie Gatus Duet Cover.)**

* * *

'Everybody loves the things you do  
From the way you talk  
To the way you move'

I decide to join in too but I know he has never heard me sing, _this should be fun._

 _'Everybody here is watching you  
'Cause you feel like home  
You're like a dream come true'_

He looks so shocked but gives me the most amazing smile making any self-doubt I had dissipates.

'But if by chance you're here alone  
Can I have a moment?  
Before I go?'

 _''Cause I've been by myself all night long  
Hoping you're someone I used to know'_

'You look like a movie  
You sound like a song  
My God, this reminds me  
Of when we were young'

 **'Let me photograph you in this light  
In case it is the last time  
That we might be exactly like we were  
Before we realized**'

 _'We were sad of getting old  
It made us restless'_

'It was just like a movie  
It was just like a song

I was so scared to face my fears  
Nobody told me that you'd be here'

 _'And I swear you moved overseas  
That's what you said, when you left me'_

'You still look like a movie  
You still sound like a song  
My God, this reminds me'

 **'Of when we were young  
** **Let me photograph you in this light  
** **In case it is the last time  
** **That we might be exactly like we were  
** **Before we realized'**

 _'We were sad of getting old  
It made us restless_'

'It was just like a movie  
It was just like a song'

 _'When we were young'_

I sing as I rest my head on his shoulder.

* * *

 **Grace's POV-**

I heard Christian tell Ana earlier that she had one more gift, but that she had to wait for it until everyone had gone to bed. If I am being honest I had my suspicions as to what it might be. I thought for sure he was finally going to tell her that he's in love with her. But it seems not, I think the only two people who don't know Ana and Christian are in love are Ana and Christian. I mean who sneaks out of their house ever night come rain, snow or lightening for that matter just so he can go and sleep, yeah really all they do is sleep, unless you love her. I think that they are both too scared to admit it even to themselves because they are terrified that the other will not feel the same way. _If only they knew._ But when I heard him tell her she could finally have her present, I couldn't help myself I had to see what it was.

Nothing and I mean nothing could have prepared me for what I am witnessing, my baby boy who will not play the piano for anyone is not only playing for her but is also singing for her. Never in a million years would that have crossed my mind, yet here I stand listening to not only him singing to her, but she is singing with him. I have no idea how they are going to cope now that he is moving across the country, he has slept nightmare feel for the past two and half years and now… now he is going so far away and there is no doubt in my mind that his nightmares will return without her.

Everyone knows he sneaks out he just doesn't realise it. I remember when I caught them, she was leaving Mia's room, I assumed she was going to the spare room to sleep after a nightmare or to read because she couldn't sleep. She had slept here for the third weekend in a row, but instead she knocked and snuck into Christian's room. At first, I assumed that they had started dating and were keeping it a secret from all of us, so I went to the door to tell her that despite the fact that they were likely being responsible it couldn't happen under my roof. However, when I got to the door, I heard them talking he told her she didn't need to knock, she said she did so she wouldn't see him naked, _ok so they are not about to have sex._ He instead asked her to play Candyland, I stayed for a while and listed to them play, they sounded so happy, carefree and relaxed. The literal polar opposite of Christian but with her he can just be his age, I had been there so long that Carrick came to check on me to see where I had wandered off to. When I started to explain where I had been, he nearly went to tell Christian that and I quote 'no way in hell is that boy having sex under my roof and she can forget about sleeping round here ever again.' When I explained that all that they were doing was playing a game and thee part about seeing him naked he relaxed. We both listened to them play, whilst Ana had a silent laughing fit and then when she nearly peed herself Carrick and I nearly died trying not to laugh. We should have gone in and told them that they couldn't sleep in the same bed together, but when he said that she had been keeping his nightmares away. That is when it all clicked, when she stayed here there was no getting up at some ridiculous hour to play the piano, no pained screams waking us all up. He was free, free from that prison his brain had created. How could we tell them that being free of their nightmares was not okay?

It was about two weeks after that, that he snuck out of the house the first time. Carrick caught him and followed him. He was going to yell at him and tell him he couldn't just walk out of the house in the middle of the night, but he said that when Christian climbed up that tree to get to her room he just couldn't because our baby boy was just doing what he needed to feel free and safe. Who was he to deny him that? So, she sleeps here almost every weekend and he sneaks out every night she doesn't without fail.

"Don't cry, it's going to be ok." He says wiping a tear from her face.

"How is it? You are leaving." She says wiping yet another tear from her cheek.

"Because I will be back before you know it and we will talk constantly, so you never feel like you are alone." He says wiping a tear from his own cheek.

"Ok." She says wiping yet another tear, he has never cried. Never, even when he was just a scared 4-year-old boy, he never cried, not once, even when he got hurt. It was always like he just wouldn't let himself. I always assumed that it had something to do with the scars, not that he has ever talked about them. I figure he cried when he got them and now that he was safe he wouldn't let himself be seen as weak, but with Ana it's like the barriers he has so carefully built cease to exist.

"Anastasia, dance with me?" Christian asks getting up and turning on the radio flicking through a few channels before finding a song he likes. He settles on Ed Sheeran's 'Tenerife Sea.' They really do have no idea how perfect this song is for them.

"Really, you want to dance?" He replies with a nod.

"Ok." She says with a small smile. I turn to Carrick who is standing next to me with a look of pure shock which am sure is the mirror image of mine.

"I have no idea how they are going to cope without each other." He whispers to me.

"I know." I return with a small smile.

We watch them dance holding each other, with her head on his chest as they sway around the room with silent tears falling from both their eyes. When the song ends she turns her head to look up at him and they press their foreheads together as they just look into each other's eyes, not speaking a single word. They don't have to, we all know they can read each other's mind, it's like they can tell when the other needs them even if they aren't in the same room. I swear they have some psychic connection, it's unlike anything I have seen. Whenever they are in the same room they gravitate towards each other before they have even registered it. Three months is all I can think they are not going to see each other for three months. Three months, undoubtedly filled with nightmares, sleepless nights and misery. I have no idea why he let Carrick talk him into going to Harvard, to be honest I have no idea why Carrick pushed for him to go. He knows what being apart is going to do to them. I know it is his family's alma mater, but really?

"We should go to bed." He tells her.

"Just a minute more. Please." She says so timidly, I barely hear it.

"Come here." He says picking her up, instantly she wraps her legs around his waist as he carries her out of the room and up the stairs to his bedroom. For what may be their last peaceful night of sleep for a long time.

* * *

 **Christian's POV**

 **The next day.**

"Anastasia come on it is almost noon we need to get up."

"No, just five more minutes."

"You said that an hour ago."

"If we get out of this bed, you will leave." She says with the most adorable pout.

"Put the bottom lip away, you know it doesn't effect me." I lie.

"We both know that that's not true. I can already see you melting. How are you going to be some big shot CEO if all it takes for you to bend to my will is my bottom lip?"

"The operative word there being _my_ , yours's is the only bottom lip that works on me."

"If you say so."

"I do say so. Now get out of the bed." I say standing. She shakes her head no, so I pick her up and throw her over my shoulder and carry her out.

"Caveman." She mutters under her breath.

* * *

 **Later that day.**

"Three thousand and thirty-five point five miles between us. That's how far away your moving."

"I know you have said before. But that is only a five and half hour flight, so it is not that far away. We'll talk every day, so it _will_ be ok."

"Fine." She says still not believing me. I set her down from my arms so I can hug my family. Elliot and I are leaving today to go to Harvard, so I don't have to say by to him.

"Bye Mom." I say hugging my Mom, a proper hug so she knows how much I love her.

"Bye Baby Boy." She says with tears in her eyes, and as much as I hate being called Baby Boy right now I don't care. I am going to miss my family so much.

"Bye, bye Mimi." I say picking Mia up off the ground to spin around as I hug her.

"Bye C. I am going to miss you." She says then leans in and whispers in my ear. "But not nearly as much as Ana will."

"I am going to miss you too and I know." I say leaning in. "I will miss her too, so badly."

"You love her C." Not a question just a statement whispered in my ear. I put her down without another word.

"Bye, Dad." I say giving my Dad a proper hug too.

"Bye, son and good luck." He says returning the hug. I hug Ray and Carla to because they are like a second set of parents to me. I turn around to the girl behind me, who's eyes are filled with tears.

I walk over as everyone behind us goes outside, and we are left alone in the foyer.

"I am going to miss you the most." That is all it takes to finally cause her to lose control as the tears spill out of her eyes. I could tell her will be okay, but I know what she needs is just to hold me, so I walk the two steps to her and pull her into my arms.

"I love you Anastasia." You have no idea how much.

"I love you too Christian." We just stand there for a while as time stands still, just holding each other.

I walk out and get in the car and drive away. In the mirror I can see Carla holding her while Ray rubs her back. God, am I going to miss that girl, I love her more than life itself but I couldn't tell her just how much because I am moving across the country, 3035.5 miles to be exact and it is not fair to make her wait. So, I hid the fact the I am crazy head over heels in love with a beautiful brunette that I'veshared a bed with for the last two and half years.

December 18th, Saturday December 18th, will be the next time I see her and hold her in my arms. Can't it be Christmas already.

* * *

 **The next chapter will be Christmas and New Year's.**

 **Please let me know what you think.**

 **Fearfully Brave.**

 **Thanks as always Joan.**


	8. Chapter 7

**So, Ray found out. Ops.**

* * *

 **December 18th 2010**

 **Elliot's POV**

Christian and I are going home today, he's been nothing but miserable here. I know exactly why, not that he would admit it. He misses the girl he loves, and it's been killing him to be apart from her. When he first got here they would talk constantly, every waking moment when they weren't in school they would be on the phone or texting. It drove me crazy but then I thought about how much I would talk to the girl I love if she knew how I felt, then it didn't really bother me anymore. As time went on the calls reduced but the texts continued. I think it was hurting them more to know that they couldn't physically be together. The nightmares have returned in full force, I haven't see him this bad since right after Mom and Dad brought him home, I think he sleeps maybe two hours a night, I can see it getting him. He is all bulked up because when he can't sleep he works out like crazy, after he'd play the electric piano I brought him. He would play it with his headphones on because as much as I love him, I don't want or need to be awake all-night listening to him, even though he plays beautifully. He works out, I think to get him so exhausted he has to sleep, at first, he would drift off but wake soon after, never sleeping for longer than half an hour. He would wake up absolutely terrified, he tries to hide it when I wake him, but I can see it in his eyes, he is just that little boy afraid of the man with the cigarettes.

He looks like shit, he is so pale, his eyes are sunken in, he eats but I know that is only because of his hunger thing. Mia says Ana is no better, that she doesn't sleep either, she doesn't eat either. That she hardly sleeps and when she does she wakes up screaming every time, I know Christian is going to freakwhen he sees Ana because Mia says she is really thin and even though everyone begs her to eat every time she does she throws it back up. I honestly have no idea if he is going to come back to Harvard with me, I just don't think it's worth it. He doesn't want to disappoint Dad, but I think that Dad will take one look at him and tell him not to go back. I have talked to Mom about it and I just don't see how he can go back when it may actually kill him, or at the very least lead to a psychotic break.

We pull up just outside the house as the door opens, out comes Ana in nothing but a pair of leggings and what is undoubtedly one of Christian's sweatshirts. She has no shoes and no socks on and there's snow covering the ground not that she has any idea, all she sees is him. Before the door is even fully open Christian is out of the car, closing the car door just as she jumps from the last step into his arms. She wraps her arms around his neck and her ankles linked behind his back wrapping her legs firmly around his waist. _How do they not know they are in love with each other?_ She buries her face in his neck just as he does the same to her. They just stand there holding each other like the other might disappear at any moment, I'm positive they are both crying. No one else has come out of the house, I know they are nowhere near done so I exit the car and go into the house leaving them in the driveway in the freezing cold.

When I enter the house, I see everyone standing in the kitchen, none of them even attempting to go outside, they know better than to try and get between those two.

"They still out there?" Carla asks. As Mia runs over and hugs me everyone else nods knowing we have more important things to talk about.

"Yeah they are clinging to each other like their lives depend on it." I say making Ray wince, _sorry man but you should know by now._

"She hasn't been the same since he left. It's like that light inside her just went out, without him." Carla adds.

"He's been the same doesn't sleep and when he does I have to wake him because he is screaming in the crux of a nightmare. He just works outs goes to school and nothing else." I add.

"She has barely eaten in the last three months, she is _so_ thin." Mom says sorrowfully. "I don't think he should go back."

"That is what I was going to talk to you about, he is heading for a nervous breakdown. Dad I know it is you Almer Mater," I say turning to face him. "but it going to kill him literally."

"I know, and I agree he can't go back. I don't think she will survive it either."

"As much as I hate to admit it. I think they need each other." Ray says looking like he has something sour in his mouth. "She needs to eat and sleep or she won't make it through high school, her grades are already slipping. I don't think she can do it without him. Maybe he can get her to sleep?" Ray says making the rest of us share us a joint look.

"What was that look?" Ray asks.

"Nothing." All of us reply in unison. We all know about their sleeping arrangements, _well_ , everyone but Ray for fear he may actually kill Christian. We drift off into separate conversations while we wait for them to come inside.

* * *

 **Meanwhile outside.**

 **Christian's POV**

When I saw her run out of the house in those legging that barely fit her and my sweatshirt, my heart has never hurt more than is does now, she is so thin. Then we she jumped into my arms, usually it would have knocked me backwards, but I barely moved because she weighs nothing. Her skin is even paler and her eyes, _those beautiful eyes,_ looked so empty like something was just missing. I am just standing here in the cold holding her in my arms, she is wrapped around me like a vine. She hasn't said a word she just turned her head and buried it in my neck and began to cry, which set me off, so I did the same because when she hurts I hurt.

Begin apart from her has been awful, the nightmares have been worse than ever before. They are worse now because she is in them and the pimp doesn't just hurt me he hurts her too and then makes me watch. No matter how hard I scream or struggle I can't move from the spot in the room where I'm standing, I just stand there and watch it happen without being able to help her. Every time without fail I cannot wake myself no matter how hard I try, Elliot has to wake me. I had told myself that I only had go back for 7 months, that's all I have left at school before she can come with me, but right now I know for sure I can't go back no matter what my Dad says. It's killing me to be apart from her and if her weight is any indicationit is killing her too. So, I can't go back, not for me, but for her because I can't be the reason she's like this, if she keeps going the way she is, there's going to be nothing left of her.

I pull my face from her neck and bring my head up as she does the same, for a moment we just stand their staring into each other's eyes. I don't say or do anything till she starts to shiver in my arms.

"We need to go inside." I tell her as I rub her back in an effort to warm her.

"No."

"Anastasia why not?"

"Because if we do everyone else will want to talk to you and I don't want to share you just yet." She sighs. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too. Ok we don't have to go back inside. You would think, that I would feel the need to put you down, but you don't weigh anything anymore, so it's really not necessary."

"Not that, that would be a problem. When did you turn into The Rock?"

"I am hardly The Rock, but I will admit to having put on some muscle. You know the working out helped me fall asleep."

"I know, I figured it would make you lose weight, maybe put on a little bit of muscle but not this!" She says pointing a finger at my torso. "Wait, do you have a six pack?" Raising an eyebrow as she asks.

"Yes, I do and I'll show you later but you are shivering like crazy, so we really should go inside."

"NO!"

"Ana come on, we can sneak up stairs."

"No, you know it, they will take you away from me and right now I just need to hold you and know that you are safe. You have no idea how bad my nightmares have been. It's you he hurts, he makes me watch every time as hits you and there is nothing I can do no matter how hard I try I can't move. Please."

"Ok just a few more minutes then we really have to go inside before you freeze. For Christ sake Ana, you are so god damn thin my sweatshirt makes you look like a child wearing her dads jumper." I say shaking my head. "Ana, when was the last time you ate?"

"I don't know some time yesterday, Mom made me eat some toast and I kept it down. So that is something, right?"

"Ana that is not enough, how many dress sizes have dropped?"

"I don't know two or three."

"Jesus. Why the hell didn't anyone call me?"

"Probably the same reason Elliot didn't call me and tell me about how badly you were working out."

"No argument we are going inside, and you are going to eat even if you throw it back up. If you throw it back up I will hold your hair back. Okay?" I say making my face as stern as possible.

"Fine and I don't think I will. I think it is being without you, it makes me panic constantly and therefore I can't eat. And stop calling me Ana."

"Jesus, I so should have come back sooner."

"You couldn't I get that you were at school which is probably why no one told us. When exactly do you go back?"

"About that. I am not going back I don't care what my Dad says, I can't be without you. I'll either go to college here and go back next year with you or just wait and apply to colleges where you I and can go together."

"Really, you mean that?" She asks both shocked and fearful, I know she doesn't want to get her hopes up.

"Of course, I mean it I can't and don't lie to you, remember?"

"Yes." She says as the most amazing smile appears on her face.

"Now come on it's time to get inside." I say setting her down only then do I realise that she has no shoes and no socks on, so I pick her back up. "Anastasia where are your shoes there is snow on the ground?"

"I'm sorry, I know you worry but I saw the car and ran before I could think about it. I didn't really have time to put shoes on." She says giving me puppy dog eyes, _how are you supposed to not forgive her after that?_

"It's okay I forgive you." I say as I begin to walk towards the house, up the steps and through the front door where I set her down in the foyer. I pull off my shoes and socks and put my socks on her feet to warm them up.

"Thank you for the socks." She says as she looks over my shoulder.

"Hi guys." I say looking at everyone, they are all staring at me like I am a stranger, _guess the muscles are a big change._

"Jesus, Christian when did you turn into The Rock?" Mia screeches whilst running at me and jumping into my arms making me step back to steady myself because she weighs what Ana should.

"Told ya." Ana says smirking from behind me on the stairs.

"Miss me Mimi?" I say as she jumps out of my arms.

"Yeah, miss me C?"

"Of course."

"Hey, did you miss me?" Mom as she steps forward to hug me.

"Of course, I did."

"My God did you bulk up, it suits you but you are so pale. When is the last time you slept?"

"Before I left."

"Hey son, how is Harvard?" Dad asks as he hugs me.

"About that, can we talk later?"

"Yeah." He says leaning in so only I can hear. "If you are asking if you don't have to go back, the answer is yes. It's clearly making both you miserable and also harmful to your health, so what is the point." He pulls back so I can hug Carla.

"Really, you mean it?" I ask before I turn to Carla. "Hey, I missed you too don't worry." I say as I pull her into a hug.

"Missed you to Christian. I need you to get her to eat and I will keep Ray distracted so you can both get some much-needed sleep. She hasn't been the same since you left." She whispers the last part.

"You know? I had already planned on getting her to eat as soon as I have finished saying hello everyone and I need her as much as she needs me in order to sleep."

"Of course, I know. I think Ray is the only one that hasn't figured it out yet, because believe me if he knew, you would be six feet under." She giggles before pulling back so Ray can hug me and I am praying that he didn't hear that conversation.

"Good to have you back son." He says as he pulls me in to a hug. "She missed you so much."

"I know, I missed her too." More than you could ever know, I whisper back before he pulls away. I turn around to the shell of a girl on the stairs and hold her hand in mine as I pull her to her feet. I pull her into the kitchen and tell her to sit on one of the breakfast stools as everyone follows. I thought they would be relentless with their questions, but no one has asked me anything, they've just gone back to their previous conversations.

"What do you want to eat, Anastasia?"

"I don't know, surprise me." She says with a shrug.

"Humph." I say turning to the fridge to see what I can make her, I figured out how to cook the basics when I was up all night. "How about a sandwich?"

"Sure." She says with a frown. I make the sandwich and decide on a light cheese and ham sandwich seeing as it has been a while since she ate properly.

"Here eat this and I mean all of it. If you do throw it up I won't be mad I just want you to eat."

"Okay." She says meekly like all the fight in her is gone. _I am never leaving her again._

* * *

Once she has eaten I whisper to her, 'excuse yourself in a minute and meet me in my room, we need a nap.' Just before I leave to go upstairs, a few minutes later she appears in my room. She looks nothing like the happy go lucky girl I left three months ago. I barely recognise the size zero, pale skinned and sunken eyed girl in front of me.

"Come here." I say as softly as I can as I pull of my shirt and climb into bed. She just nods and climbs in next to me.

"Can I lay on top of you, so I know you aren't going anywhere?" She whispers.

"Of course." I say pulling her on top of me, so that her head rests on my heart, _I missed the feeling of her skin on mine._ "And I am not going anywhere unless you are coming with me."

"I love you."

"I love you too." _More than you know._

It takes us less than five minutes to fall into a peaceful and nightmare free sleep for the first time in months.

* * *

 **A few hours later.**

I am awoken by Christian moving from under me, so fast that I fall face first into the bed below where Christian's body was. _What the fuck?_ I hear movement to my right, so I look up to see my Dad holding Christian by his hair. _Shit! This is not good!_

"Daddy." I say pleading with him to let Christian go but he doesn't listen. "DADDY!" I yell this time, but he continues moving Christian towards the door out into the hall and towards the stairs.

"Ray please let me explain." Christian pleads.

"Daddy please." I implore but still nothing. _Fuck, Christian is screwed._

When we finally get to the bottom of the stairs he lets go of Christian's hair, he would be holding him by his shirt if Christian was wearing one. _Yet another thing that is not going to help this situation. Great just great._ Everyone has come into the foyer where we are standing, and they look almost terrified, _you and me both._ I am pretty sure everyone knows what is going on, but when they all share a look I know for sure they all know and that my Dad was the last one to find out. _Fuck._

"Daddy before you freak out let me explain."

"No Annie. There is no way to explain this. No wonder you were miserable you lost your God damn boyfriend."

"No, he isn't."

"Then what, it's just sex?" He says raising his eyebrow and giving me a disapproving look. _Well that hurt._ "So, he is just taking advantage of you?"

"Taking advantage? How long have you known Christian? Do you really think that he is that kind of guy? But what's worst is that you think I would have no say over what I do with _my_ body." Making everyone around us stare in awe that I actually just said that to my father no less. "Is that what you think of me?"

"No, that's not what I meant."

"But it _is_ what you just said." I say and it's my turn to give a disapproving look. _See how does it feels?_

"So, what is it Annie? What is this between you two then?" He says pointing at the both of us.

"Sleeping." I say completely deadpan making my Dad laugh.

"Sleeping, really? Is that what you want to go with? You want to tell me that you were just sleeping? Do you sleep on top of all your friends bare chests?" _Ok now he is just pissing me off._

"Yes! That's all it is! Have you noticed that for the past what three hours I have slept without a single nightmare? Christian makes my nightmares go away, he has since I was fifteen. I…"

"Fifteen! You have been having sex with him since you were fifteen?" My Dad rudely interrupts.

"Will you let me finish?" I yell and he nods so I continue. "Do you remember the first time I slept round here?" Another nod. "Well that night I couldn't sleep so I went into the spare room to read and then I heard Christian having a nightmare, so I went in to see if he was ok. I know everyone said not to wake him because he can get violent, but I couldn't just leave him, I know how it feels to be trapped in a memory you can't out run. It's awful. So, I woke him up and we talked, like really talked about everything, the truth about what the nightmares are really about. In detail. He is the only one who knows that just like I am the only one who knows what his are really about." I say using maybe too many hand gestures, but I need him to see my point.

"You told him?" My Mom asks.

"Yeah I trust him." I say smiling up at Christian, everyone looks shocked.

"You told her?" Grace asks.

"Yeah I trust her." He says smiling down at me

"Finish the story _Anastasia_." Dad says getting angrier by the second. _Full name, I'm 100% screwed. RIP me._

"We told each other and then he just held me while we both cried." I look up him apologising for tell everyone he cried, he just gives me smiling telling me I'm forgiven. "Then we laid down and he asked if I wanted to stay, so I did. We both fully expected to have a nightmare or be woken up by the other's nightmare, but we didn't. The only reason we woke up was because Mia woke up and was looking for me. That lasted for a few weeks, that is the reason I kept coming back here to sleep. I slept for seven hours straight. Sorry Mia."

"It's ok I figured out after the second week in a row when I woke up without you, I saw you in his bed, you were both sleeping so peacefully. I figured you were keeping each other's nightmares away because there was no piano playing when you stayed. I kept it a secret because quite frankly who should be denied a good night's sleep."

"You never said anything?" She shrugs in response. "Any way after a few weeks we were both up at three am texting because we had both woken up after a nightmare. Next thing I know Christian is at my window, so I let him in and we went to sleep. Just sleep, that is why we run most mornings, so we are up before you."

"That is why you wanted the trellis installed." It's not a question it's a statement.

"Yeah and I am really sorry for lying but if I had told you why I really wanted it you installed would you have done it?"

"You are damn right why would I give the guy defiling my daughter easier access?"

"Ray I am not defiling Anastasia." Christian says making my Dad lunge for him, so I step between.

"Liar." My Dad spits.

"No, he is not. Christian and I have never kissed let alone had sex and nobody is defiling anyone. For fucks sake Dad I am 18 if I chose to have sex it is honestly none of your business! If it was anyone's it would be Grace and Carrick's because this is their house. Do you guys believe me?" I ask looking towards them.

"Yes, we believe you but that is only because we know first-hand." Grace says.

"You do?" Christian asks from behind me making everyone turn to them.

"Yeah we heard you the night you played Candyland. We were going to tell you two that you couldn't have sex, at least not under our roof, but then when you knocked on his bedroom door, I heard you say that you knocked because you didn't want to see him naked. I figured sex wasn't on the menu and therefore probably wasn't going to happen." She points at me as she jokes making everyone giggle under their breath except my Dad. "Then when you went to leave, and Christian said you couldn't because you kept his nightmares away. How could I come in and tell you that you couldn't get a good night's sleep?" She says in a soothing tone. "We noticed that when you slept over there was no screaming."

"Then the first time you snuck out of the house I followed you to see where you were going and I was going to tell you that it was not ok for you to sneak out. But when saw where you were going, I didn't have the heart to tell you to stop doing it." Carrick says smiling.

"ALL OF YOU KNEW?" My Dad yells.

"Ray will you relax? It is not like they did anything that wrong." Mom says in soothing tone to try and calm Dad.

"No, you all actually believe that? That they are _not_ having sex?" Dad asks, and everyone answers with a 'yes'.

"Well I don't." I know my Dad is seconds away from losing it completely and ripping everyone's head off. _I need to stop this._

"Well you should because it is the truth. I am sorry I lied about the trellis, I really am. But can you see why I didn't the truth? You don't believe me and I get that. But have I ever given you reason to doubt me before? Christian and I are nothing more than friends. So, what if sleeping with him makes me feel safe and gets rid of my nightmares? Or have you even noticed that since he left I haven't slept for more than two hours a night?"

"No, that is not what I said."

"No offence Ray, but it is pretty much what you said. You accused Ana of basically having no regard over her body. Do you really have that low of an opinion of me that you think I would take advantage of her?" Christian says.

"Dad I know it looks bad, but it isn't."

"Then why were you straddling a shirtless Christian when I came upstairs?" Dad asks just further pissing me off.

"He was shirtless because I like to be able to hear his heartbeat, it relaxes me. So, what? It's Christian chest and if he doesn't have problem with it why do you? And I was hardly straddling him, I was just on top of him, so he would have to wake me if he wanted to get out of bed, because him leaving me last time nearly killed me and I didn't want to wake up thinking it was all just a cruel dream. Plus, I was fully dressed. That's exactly why I fall asleep on top of Christian! But clearly my word no longer carries any weight, so I will save you the trouble of having to listen anymore. Ground me if you must but it won't stop me sleeping with him because I can't and will not go back to sleep without him because he keeps the nightmares away. No amount of punishment you give me will ever be as bad as what happens in my head when I try to sleep on my own." I say as a tear runs down my cheek

"Come here." Christian says pulling me into his chest. I have my palm on his bare chest making everyone gasp because they know I could touch him, but I don't think they knew I could touch his bare chest. "Hey, it's ok you're safe, I'm safe he can't hurt either one of us." He says whilst rubbing my back, _his chest really is firmer_.

"I am sorry Ray, but you have to understand because I cannot and will not let that monster get to her even if it's her dreams. So, do what you must but I will do what I must to protect her." Christian says still holding me.

"Annie, I'm sorry I should have jumped to conclusions. I thought the nightmares were back just because you missed Christian not because you were no longer sleeping together. And yes, I do mean sleeping because if I find out it _is_ more, you are going to become acquainted with my favourite hunting ground." Dad says to Christian, making everyone sigh in relief.

"Can I go back upstairs and sleep till dinner because I am exhausted and also, because of Christian I actually kept lunch down?" I say turning back around to face everyone.

"Really?" My Mom asks in disbelief.

"Yes." I could explain how he is the only one who makes me feel safe and that I am no longer in a permanent state of panic and I can now eat without throwing up. That would just kick things off again.

"Yes, Annie but that door stays open. You need to sleep you haven't in the last three months. I mean it. Door. Open."

"Yes Dad."

"Oh, and Christian use the front door when you come around tonight, you're less likely to break your neck."

"Really, you are willingly going to let me sleep in Anastasia's bed?" Christian asks.

"If it keeps my baby girl from having nightmares, then yes." Dad says totally serious. _Ok well that was a total 180 but ok, I'm not going to argue with him. "_ The door on your room stays open when he does." _Did he not mention that already? Geez!_

"Ok, but that only happens if you get something to stop your snoring because having Christian sleep over is supposed to help me sleep not stop it?" I say making everyone laugh including my Dad.

"Deal." My Dad says as Christian picks me up and throws me over his shoulder before carrying me up the stairs, making me squeal. "Please be careful with her."

"Always am." Christian says.

When we get back to his room he throws me on the bed with a bounce before flopping down next to me.

"Well that could have gone worse?" I say with a giggle.

"At least I made it out alive but seriously your Dad pretty much called you a slut and me a rapist?"

"He just worries about me, but I agree he was out of line." I say with a yawn.

"Come on we still have a few hours till dinner, let's get some sleep." He says sliding back up the bed pulling me with him, so I am once again on top of him.

"Don't I get heavy on top of you?"

"No, you don't even when you weren't just a twig. Seriously Ana I am going to make you eat and run with me, so we get you back up to an acceptable weight because this is not ok?"

"I will be fine now that you are back. I promise."

 **Hope you liked it.**

 **Please leave a review.**

 **Fearfully Brave**

 **Thanks as always Joan.**


	9. Chapter 8

**Thank you for all the follows, favourites and reviews. I know I haven't said it a while but every time I get an email my heart skips a beat. They mean so much to me.**

 **A lot of you are asking how Christian can marry someone else but the wedding is still 8 years away, that is a long time. But it will be clear when the time comes. I am going to do a big-time jump, maybe a year before the wedding next chapter.**

 **I hope this will clear up Ray's freak out. Believe it or not, writing this story and their conversation has happened me in my own life. My father blamed himself for not seeing the abuse, but never once have a I blamed my parents for not seeing it, because I know how well I can lie. I only hate them when they use my past against me as some kind of excuse for my behaviour, that I wouldn't be angry or pissed off after a hard day if I hadn't been abused. That just down right makes me want to punch a hole in the wall.**

 **Please, please don't kill me for this chapter it was a hard for me to write as it will be for you to read but there is a method (sort of) for my madness. Hopefully, you will see why after you read. Sorry if you cry I did when I reread it.**

* * *

 **December 18th 2010 (8 years earlier)**

 **Ana's POV**

I still can't process what my Dad said today, the things he said hurt. I get that he was pissed, but seriously, his comments were below the belt. I let it go because I just wanted to go back to bed. I wanted out of the spotlight my Dad had so kindly put us in. I was humiliated but it was worst for Christian because he was dragged down the stairs by his hair, fucking shirtless. _Urgh!_ Just thinking about it pisses me off all over again. We're all seated eating dinner at the castle, the food is amazing as always and I no longer feel sick, so I can eat and actually enjoy it. _That's_ _because Christian's back._ Yet all I want to do is throw my plate directly at my Dad's head. But I know this is not the time or place to have _that_ conversation. So, I sit here in silence. The only thing keeping me sane is Christian's hand on my knee. I know if I say anything now, it will be something I'll regret coming out of my mouth, but I'm certain the moment dinner is over I will pull him aside and we are going to talk no matter what. _All bets are off!_

Finally, dinner is over so I take my opportunity.

"Dad can we talk?" Is all I say before picking up my plate with one hand and taking Christian's hand in the other to pull him out of the room with me.

Once we're all in the kitchen and I've put the plates in the dishwasher, I turn to face my Dad, only then does he decide to say something.

"Everything ok, Annie?" _Really, that is what you want to start with? OK I'll play._

"Is everything ok? Really Dad you all but called me a slut and Christian a rapist and actually blame me for it. I get we deceived you, going behind your back, but so did everyone else they knew and never said anything but, yet it was me who took the full force of your anger and it hurt." I spit out while Christian holds my hand below the counter, so my Dad cannot see.

"Annie I really am sorry, it's not what I meant. I didn't mean to embarrass you or hurt you I just flipped out seeing the two of you in bed together because... because…" He stumbles.

"Why? What possible reason could there be for it because if anyone else had said those things about us you would have punched them? So, I will ask again, what reason is there?" I interrupt.

"Because the last time someone got that close to you, they hurt you. _He_ hurt you and I didn't see it. I didn't stop it. When I saw you lying there on top of him I don't know it brought it all back, how I failed you. How I couldn't protect you. I know it isn't an excuse but the fact is I didn't think before I spoke because I was angry. But it wasn't at you or Christian it was at myself for failing to protect you last time. And then the fact that everyone knew but me was just the nail in the coffin. You are right if anyone had said anything like that I would have knocked them out before they even finished their sentence. Ana I am so sorry. For everything." He says as a single tear runs down his cheek. _So that is what this was about, it wasn't about me. It was about him. It was that he thought I was being hurt and taken advantage of again._

"Daddy, you cannot blame yourself. It wasn't your fault, because if anyone is to blame, then it would be Mom. But you don't blame her for not seeing what was going on? Do you? We were living under the same roof and she didn't see it. How could you have known? You weren't there."

"Of course, I don't blame your mother."

"See that's my point. I could have spoken up and said no. I could have told someone long before I did. There are so many what if's but asking them now isn't going to help anyone and especially me. No one is to blame except Husband Number 2, because he knew what he was doing and that he was hurting me, but neither of you did. I don't blame you, so you shouldn't blame yourself. I never want to hear you talk like that again, okay? You didn't fail me, no one did. I was just a victim of the circumstance." It isn't lost on anyone that I actually called myself a victim. I never wanted to be seen as weak, but now I don't know, it doesn't feel like that, it makes me feel powerful. I'm strong and I survived, and he lost. He didn't win. I won.

I walk over and hug my Dad even though it still stings, I get it now it wasn't about me.

"I love you. But please never call me Ana ever again." I say as I hug him.

"I love you too _Annie._ I love you too Christian, I'm sorry for what I said to you too."

"I love you too, Ray. Even if what you said hurt."

"I get that son, but I promise it will never happen again." My Dad says before hugging Christian.

* * *

 **December 31st 2010**

I am dancing around the living room to Nickelback's 'Rockstar', in a beautiful black laced cocktail dress, that has long sleeves and is backless. I'm dancing in a less than appropriate fashion, but I don't seem to care because for the first time in forever I'm truly happy. I can't seem to shake the feeling that this is somehow going to blow up in my face, it's like I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Somehow it always does in my case, but I'm going to try and be optimistic.

I'm dancing without a care in the world thinking about the wonderful Christmas we just had. As always, my family and I spent it at the Grey's. My Dad has really made up for everything he said to Christian and I. For Christmas he gave Christian a freshly made front door key of his own because he was still sneaking in the window even though he no longer had to. We spent Christmas Eve at the castle, so he didn't need to use it and we spent Christmas night their too like always. Christian gave me the most amazing silver locket for Christmas, but I still haven't figured out what I want to put inside. I'm sure I will but right now I don't have clue. Carrick really was serious about Christian not having to go back to Harvard because for Christmas he gave Christian the papers stating that he was now a registered student of the University of Washington, which is where I'm going in the fall. We are planning on getting a small two bed apartment once I start but for right now we alternate between the castle and my house, depending on how late I stay at the castle because no matter how many times I tell Christian that we live in a safe neighbourhood and I'm perfectly capable to get home on my own, he won't let me walk at night without him. So, unless I'm already there it's pointless sleeping at the castle because he would have to walk here first.

Knock, knock, knock.

 _Christian's here early!_ I think running to the front door and fling it open but instead of Christian there are two uniformed officers at the front door.

"Everything ok, officers?" I say slightly out of breath from the dancing and running.

"Miss Steele?" The officer on the right asks.

"Yes?"

"Miss may we come in?" The officer on the left asks.

"Sure, I guess?" Stepping aside so they can enter, I direct them to the living room where I press pause on the music. They sit on the couch closest to the door while I sit in front of them on the adjacent couch.

"Miss are you alone?"

"Yes. Why?" I ask raising my eyebrow. _This is weird it's New Year's Eve what are they doing here? It's not like the music is that loud or I have done anything wrong. Have I?_ "Did I do something wrong?"

"No Miss we are because there has been a car accident." The officer on the right says. _No, who? Christian? No. They would be at the castle not here. I'm not family. Fuck! NO! NO! NO! This cannot be happening! NO!_ I scream in my head unable to get the words out.

"Miss your parents were driving when a drunk driver ran the light and hit their car." _NO!_ "Their car was hit with such force that your parents died on impact." _NO! NO! NO!_

 _It can't be. This isn't happening._ I am up on my feet before I even think. I open the front door, stepping out into the snow not caring about the fact that there is nothing on my feet. I can't feel the snow burning the soles of my feet. I can't feel the icy wind on my skin. I feel nothing, just empty and hollow. I don't know where I am going until I see the gates of the all too familiar house coming into view. I run through the gates and up the gravel pathway not caring that the stones below my feet are cutting me. I run up the steps and bang on the door as hard as I can.

The door flies open as Grace appears in front of me, she takes one look at me before she instantly knows something is wrong. I'm stunned, this is it, I can't do this on my own. I fall to the floor just inside the door and utter a single word.

"Christian." It's not a question it's not a statement, it _is_ just what I need.

I curl up in a ball in the doorway and just cry.

 **Christian's POV of the night.**

I'm in my room getting ready for the dinner party we throw every year on New Year's Eve, I have just gotten dressed and I'm about to put on my jacket when I hear a scream.

"Christian get down here, now." I hear my mother yell, but this isn't an angry yell, this is a blood curdling, heart stopping cry for help. I don't even have time to think before I am out of my room, running down the stairs, just when I'm about to reach the bottom, I see her. She is curled up in a ball, on the floor, in the door way, with blood on her feet. Her skin is a frightening shade of red from the cold. But what is most terrifying is the fact that she is crying, hysterically but is not making a sound. No sound at all. I jump from half way down the stairs and skid across the floor until I reach her. I waste no time scooping her up into my lap and out of the door way, so my Mom can close the door. She is as cold as ice. I gently rock back and forth in an effort to soothe her but it does nothing. _Who the fuck caused this because they are going to die!_

"Mom, what the fuck happened?" I swear because I know she will let it slide this time. The rest of my family appears in the foyer but they say nothing.

"I don't know. I opened the door and she just collapsed and said your name before she started crying."

"Jesus what the hell happened to her? Why are her feet bleeding? Did she run all the way from her house without any shoes on? In this weather?" I don't know who I am asking because my Mom clearly does know either, but I need answers.

There is another knock at the door. Mom opens it to find two officers, also out of breath standing there. When they see her they sigh in relief? _What the fuck is going on?_

"What the fuck happened?" I say from my spot on the floor, I know I shouldn't swear at them but right now I don't care.

"Are you family?" The one on the right asks.

"As good as." Mom replies.

"Do you know a Carla and Ray Steele?" He asks. My Dad steps up.

"Yes, what about them?" He asks, his voice bordering on concern.

"Who are you?" One of the officers asks.

"I'm Carrick Grey, their lawyer and friend. What's happened?" Dad says completely monotone, but I know he is freaking out too, he loves Ray and Carla and Ana like a daughter.

"There was an accident. Mr. and Mrs. Steele died on impact." _Mother of God! They're dead. No wonder she is like this._ Elliot, Mia and both sets of Grandparents gasp from behind us but I don't turn around, all my attention is focused on the broken girl in my arms. I move to stand because we can't just stay on the floor all night. My Mom gives me a hand, so I can lift Ana as I go. She still doesn't weigh much but she has put on some weight since I got back about two weeks ago.

"What happened, exactly?" Dad enquires.

"A drunk driver ran a red light and careened into the side of their car killing them instantly." The one on the left says deadpan.

"And you told her this while she was alone?" My Dad asks and I can tell his is fuming even though he's the picture of calm, I know my Mom can sense it too because she reaches for his hand to calm him.

"We didn't have much choice she has no other listed family and…" The one officer on the left tried to justify their actions, but that just made my Dad angrier.

"That's because she doesn't have any other biological family. We are it. What you should have done was ask if there was anyone that she would have liked to call and come over before you told her _alone!"_ Dad almost spits at them. _Jesus who the fuck informs someone they are an orphan with no one around to support them._

"Bye officers, we can handle it from here. Oh, and be on the lookout for a lawsuit, because I'm going to make sure you two never work again after what you just did to a young _vulnerable_ teenager!" My Dad says before slamming the door in their idiotic faces.

I don't say anything I can feel the tears in my eyes. I walk to the great room and sit on the sofa with Ana straddling me. Her parents are gone. I have no idea what to say or do. _What do you do to make this better? Answer nothing. Because nothing can make this better._

My parents along with everyone else walk in as the tears spill from my eyes. I know I have to be strong for her, but when she hurts I hurt. I mean Ray and Carla were like a second set of parents to me and they are just… gone. This has to be a dream, no a nightmare. It has to be. Everyone is crying, even my Dad and Grandfathers, whom I have never seen cry. Ever. They sit down on the other sofas in the room and just hold each other. They hug their respective partners, while Elliot holds Mia, while he cries into her hair as she cries into his chest, mirroring everyone in the room.

I lean down to Ana's ear and whisper the one this I think will bring her any comfort.

"I'm here." Nothing else, not it's going to be ok or anything else because nothing will make this better because it is not ok. She continues to cry not making a sound, if it wasn't for her shudders you wouldn't even know.

We cry for what feels like forever before we all fall asleep on the sofa.

I wake with a start, to find Ana still asleep straddling me, everyone has left the room and there are damp pieces of tissue on her feet. I assume my mother put them there, to help with the pain. I slowly move so that I am lying down on the sofa with Ana on top of me before I fall back asleep. _What happens now?_

 **A few hours later.**

I feel Ana moving on top of me and I open eyes to find her face directly over mine. Her eyes are so puffy, her makeup has run, she looks so lost.

"Hi." I whisper.

"It wasn't a nightmare was it?" She whispers back.

"No. Ana I am so, so sorry."

"This can't be happening, I'm 18 years old, how the fuck am I supposed to live in a world where my parents don't?" Her eyes briming with tears.

"I don't know. Honestly, I could tell you that everything will be ok, but I think you and I both know it's not, how can _this_ ever be ok?" Is all I can offer her in return.

"Nothing is ok." She whispers burying her head in my neck, as she begins to cry again. _This is going to kill me to have to see her like this._ I sit up so I can hold her better.

* * *

We sit there for a while before she starts to calm down.

"How long?" She asks.

"How long what?" I ask in confusion.

"How long have we been out? I mean, is it New Year's yet?"

"It's been a few hours, but it is still only 11:40. Why do you want to know?" I reply looking at my watch.

"Because I can't sit and cry forever. My parents wouldn't want that. They would say that we should celebrate them. I mean my Dad always told me that at his funeral he wanted everyone to wear Hawaiian shirts, that way no one could be really sad. Because how can you be in one of those shirts?" She says in something that resembles a giggle.

"Really? Because if you don't want to, no one will hold it against you. Everyone cried when we found out. Oh, and I am pretty sure that my Dad is going to get those insolent fuckers fired that told you about your parents, because who does that?"

"I don't know." She sniffles and tries to get up, except when she puts her feet on the floor she jumps right back down. Now she's aware of the cuts on her feet and from what I'm guessing is a slight case of frostbite. "Ow!"

"Don't get up, you cut your feet up pretty badly on the way over. Ana, who runs in the snow without any shoes on?" _Real nice be a douche after her parents just died. Idiot._

"I wasn't exactly thinking." She sarcastically retorts. _Hey there's my happy go lucky girl._

"Mom! Can you come in here?" I yell but not too loudly because Ana is right next to my face.

"Yes. Christian honey what… Oh Ana you're awake." Mom says seeing Ana sitting back up. "What do you need?" Walking over to us touching Ana's cheek gently.

"Can you just please fix my feet? They really hurt." Ana is asking in a more determined voice than anyone in her situation should have, but I know it's because she is so strong. Stronger than even I gave her credit for.

"Of course, is there anything else I can get you?" Ana just shakes her head no.

* * *

After my Mom has cleaned up Ana's feet, she grabs my watch and sees that we still have three minutes till midnight. So, she makes me carry her to the kitchen because she can't walk. _Not that I mind._ I put her on one of the bar stools.

"What do you need?" Grandma Trevelyan asks.

"Just for everyone to have a drink so we can celebrate my parents and New Year's."

"We don't have to do that, no one cares about New Year's anymore." My Dad says.

"Well I do and you and I both know that if my parents were here they would tell us to stop wallowing and celebrate the New Year. Because they are all about new beginnings, right? So, let's celebrate my parents." Everyone goes to say no but Ana stops them. "Anyone who says no can leave this kitchen because they were my parents and they would not want this. I would leave but my feet are on fire. So, who here needs a drink?"

Everyone decides not to argue with Ana and we all celebrate the New Year together, and we celebrate Ray and Carla's lives as well.

* * *

 **March 2011 (3 months later)**

It has been a few months since Ray and Carla died, turns out that neither of the idiot officers who told us about Ana's parents knew that the driver of the other car had died too. _Good riddance._ I know that is a terrible thing to say but he killed two people that we loved, he doesn't get to go free. Ana gave the most amazing speech at the funeral; sure, enough Ray got his wish everyone did in fact wear Hawaiian shirts. He was right it is hard to be sad when you are wearing one. Ana puts on a good show for the rest of the world pretending she is all right, but I still find her crying on occasion. I know she'll do better and she is doing better, it's just going to take some time.

Ana, moved into the castle a few days after the accident, she found it too hard to live there without them. My Dad, with the help of a realtor he knew sold it for her. The house sold for two million dollars. Ray and Carla also had significant life insurance policies, which of course Ana was the beneficiary. When all was said and done Ana had approximately 4 million sitting in a trust fund, which she refused to use. She says she'll figure out what to do with it when the time comes but right now isn't that time. My parents pay for everything she needs and she's told them repeatedly they didn't need to do so, but they want to. They've told her they have always seen her as an honorary fourth child and love her as if she were their own daughter, so they don't have a problem with it. Ana keeps all her stuff in the spare bedroom, which is now hers, but she has never slept in there and probably never will, she sleeps with me every night. For about a month after the accident Ana had nightmares about the crash, I think it was the fact that she wasn't in the car with them it's like she felt guilty for being not being with them. I think they call it survivors guilt? So, I made her start seeing a therapist, but she would only go if I went too. So, I did, and it has been helpful for both us and our issues with touch have gotten better. We are still nowhere near ready to let strangers touch us, but people close to us can certainly get a lot closer than before. My family now has unrestricted access when it comes to hugs and they couldn't be happier about that.

I've now started at UW which has turned out to be a great experience. I'm actually enjoying college this time because I'm not sleep deprived anymore and I get to come home to my family every night, and my Ana. I have thought about it, but I can't tell her I love her however, it hasn't stopped me from feeling that way. It wouldn't be fair given everything that has happened to her in the last year. She is still trying to heal in the aftermath of her parent's deaths. So, we're nothing more than friends, which I will take because I would rather have her in my life as a friend than not have her at all. I also haven't said anything because I don't want her to feel like she can't sleep with me because of my feelings for her. I also stay quiet for myself because I couldn't sleep without her either. _Selfish I know._

 **Thank you for reading. Please leave a review.**

 **Fearfully Brave**

 **BTW my name is not Joan she is the awesome woman who proof reads my work for me to makes it somewhat decent.**

 **If you have left a comment that could warrant a PM please check your PM I may have messaged.**


	10. Chapter 9

**Ok I have thought long and hard about this and quite frankly when I started this I hadn't thought about where it was going at all. But the more I write about them the more I get angry at myself for not having them be together. I am running out of excuses so, I figured it would be easier if I just lead up to the wedding and have flashbacks within the chapters to significant moments that don't take a whole chapter on their own.**

 **I'm honestly clueless when it comes to business, so this is my best attempt to understand exactly what Christian and Ana do for a living. I'm going to do what I do best, make it up as I go along, I can lie flawlessly (weird talent I know) but I can so…**

* * *

 **October 2017 (1 year earlier)**

 _Motherfucking assholes!_ I'm sat at the conference room table on the thirtieth floor of Steele Grey House, listening to two incompetent middle aged balding men tell me how their company isn't on the brink of bankruptcy. _Fellas you can deny it all you want, it doesn't change facts._ So, here I sit at the head of the table with Christian by my side looking like I feel, the difference is I know how to mask my true feelings. You have to when you're a woman in a man's world. Since we started the company just before I turned 20, I've learned quite a few things and being stone faced is one of them. Never let them know what you're thinking!

* * *

 _Flashback_

Christian and I talked about what we were going to do once we finished college together. I had taken extra courses and worked my ass off to get the extra credits I needed to graduate college at the same time as Christian, _which was all for naught._ We were talking about our business plan, which all our professor told us was _almost_ flawless _._ The only issue we had was that no one wanted to invest in a 19 and 20-year-old when it came to the start-up funds we needed. Christian of course asked Grace and Carrick they said they would happy to give the funds, but only after we finished college, just in case the business failed. That way we had something to fall back on. But we'd, had enough with waiting. College was boring for both of us we could bluff our way through any exam purely based off all the research we had done for our company. We actually went to class maybe once a week, the rest of the time we spent in the library researching companies that we could fit into our business plan. If we weren't in class or at the library, we were out partying. We lived with Carrick and Grace for the first few months of my first year before we moved into a small two bed apartment, which was perfect and only a five-minute walk from the campus. That way if we wanted to stay out drinking until five in the morning we wouldn't wake anyone up when we stumbled through the front door. It took me a while after my parent's deaths to even allow myself to get drunk, being drunk for me didn't numb the pain it just made it worse, because I knew it was a drunk driver that had killed them and changed my life. Being drunk just brought all that back. Christian was in college, so I got to go to all the college parties, _now that was a learning experience_. We always made sure to never get totally blotto because quite frankly we are both control freaks and didn't ever want to fully lose our control. We never got drunk without the other and never with people we didn't know because that would be asking for trouble.

We were stuck at the moment, there was this company that we had our eye on, that was going to fail costing over 1000 people their jobs unless we could save it. We knew we needed money for that to happen, but we couldn't get it at least not in time to save their company, _until it hit me_ , I have nearly 4 million dollars just sitting in a bank account. At first Christian was set on saying no, he said I needed the money for my future, but when I pointed out that the company _was_ my future and what was the use of having all this money if I couldn't do this to get us started. The next day we talked to Grace and Carrick about dropping out, to say they were less than pleased would be an understatement. Once I countered with "If the company doesn't take off within the year, we will both go back to school and graduate, and then get real jobs'' they backed off.

However, by that time next year we were both self-made millionaires several times over, turns out being a Grey gives you friends in high places. Which in turn made it a hell of a lot easier to convince people to hand their companies over to us. It also helped that we were more than fair in our purchase price and to their employees. Within the first two months we had bought and sold our first company at a ridiculous profit margin. Once word got out about what we were capable of, let's just say it became a hell of a lot easier for us to convince people to sign their companies over to us. By the time we were 22 we had our own building in the heart of Seattle, _a hell of a lot quicker than either of us expected._ None the less we worked our asses off to get here and yet here I'm sitting in _my_ building, trying to convince these two nincompoops to sign over their company, so we can save it. But no, they insist on staring at my tits and my ass whilst telling me all is fine. _No, it's not fucking fine! I have seen your books._

"Gentleman. I am going to stop you two right there, you can stand here until you are blue in the face and tell me your company is fine. But it _isn't_ going to change the fact that it's not. You are three months away from it all blowing up in your faces and bankrupting you, which I am perfectly ok to watch that happen. However, there are 2000 employees on your payroll who need this company _not_ to fail. So, what will it be? Do you want to save your company or not?" I say without even standing, I can feel Christian next to me trying to supress his laughter. Everyone thinks he is cold blooded when it comes to business, but I make him look like the freaking Candyman.

"Darling." _He did not just call me darling._ "You have no idea what we're trying to do with our company and we came here to talk to Mr Grey not his assistant." _Ok now I'm out for blood._

" _Darling,_ did you actually just call me _darling?_ " I say standing with the sweetest smile on my face. "Let's get one thing perfectly clear _I'm_ not your _darling_ , nor will I ever be _._ _I'm_ fully grown woman who owns half of this fucking company. I make more in a month than your company makes in an entire year. I do not appreciate having you and your other counterparts ogle my ass and my tits every time you or they think I am not looking. I can hold my own in the boardroom and I sure as shit don't need _Mr. Grey_ here to fight my battles for me." I say all without raising my voice, it's so much more fun to watch them cower when I haven't even raised my voice. "Fellas, you can say it again, if you like, but the facts speak for themselves, your company _is_ going to fail. So, I will ask you again. Do you want our help or not? And before you answer that question know that there is no saying _no_ to me or to Mr. Grey. We _will_ have your company under our umbrella buy the end of the month, whether or not you give it to us willingly. The choice is yours. What will it be?" I say pointedly with Christian sitting next to me doing everything he can not to laugh, smirk or smile, _again_.

"Miss Steele," _Oh so now I'm Miss Steele not darling?_ "Are you threatening us with a hostile takeover?" The CEO asks.

"Oh, no I don't make threats, I make promises and I always keep my promises. Right Christian?" I ask looking next to me, he nods, because he can't say anything verbally or he will break. "So, _darlings_ , yes or no? You have exactly one minute to decide." I say setting the timer on my smart watch. "From now."

Both have the most frightening looks on their faces like they can't quite figure out how the 5'6" girl in heels just handed them their asses on a silver platter, _your welcome fellas._ They turn to face each other, whispering for all of 30 seconds before they turn to face us.

"Miss Steele, Mr. Grey we would like to take your offer." The COO says, _gotcha._

"20 million it is then, fellas, we'll have the paper work drawn up." I say before walking out without so much as second glance.

"Pleasure doing business with you." Christian says before following me out.

* * *

"Jesus fucking Christ Anastasia, did you have to be so blunt?" He asks once we reach my office.

"Oh, come on you loved every minute of it. You always do, or did you think I couldn't see you holding back your laughter in there?" I say raising an eyebrow and leaning back on my desk.

"It was fucking hilarious. _Staring at my tits and my ass."_ He says mimicking my voice, which makes me giggle. "I have no idea how I kept it together when you called the _darlings_. On the plus side now, we have another company under the SGE group."

"Your welcome."

"I found them."

"I closed them."

"Only because I let you."

"Sure, you did. Just like you let me win every time we play cards." I say sarcastically.

"I do." He says deadpan, but we both know he's lying.

"Right." I say rolling my eyes, which causes him to lunge for me pinning me to the desk behind me. _So not fair._ "Don't please."

"Don't what?" He says as he begins to tickle me.

"Stop." I squeal but he doesn't. "Stop. Stop. Stop." I get out between laughs.

It makes me laugh because when it comes to business we are ruthless and yet somehow when we are behind closed doors, we still act like children. _Strange._

"Stop what?"

"You… know… what… you… bastard."

"Fine what is the magic word." He asks.

"Abracadabra." I yell knowing full well he meant 'please' but I'm not giving in. I could easily fight him off, but I don't, it's so much fun to just to act like kids again.

He stops and starts to laugh, which makes me laugh even more, we only stop when the tears start.

"Abracadabra! Really?" He asks after having caught his breath and sitting down in one of the chairs in front of my desk.

"What you said the magic word?" I say as innocently as I can manage, whilst sitting up and straightening my skirt and blouse.

"Yeah, I guess I did." He says giving me a fake sigh.

"See, I do listen to you sometimes."

"Yes, you do but you know I was five seconds away from stepping in back there."

"I know but I figured they wouldn't have sold if you had punched on of them?"

"Maybe not. Anyways I've got to go. I should actually get some work done today. I will come get you just before 6 so we can go home and get changed before dinner with Elliot, Mia, Kate and Ethan."

"Yeah, see you later." I say as he leaves.

I reach over to my phone on the desk and dial the familiar number.

"James Ford." He answers.

"Anastasia Steele." I reply.

"Ah, Miss Steele anything I can do for you?" He asks, and I can hear the smirk on his face.

"Maybe, do you know anyone who could give a girl a few good orgasms? Seeing as she's riding high off the back of destroying the two-incompetent fuckers from Risbro Atlantic and you know what that does to me." I say completely deadpan.

"Jesus Ana. My door is open and you're on speaker."

"Not my fault and pick up the damn phone so that I'm not on speaker! _Geez!_ So, do you or do you not?" I say not even embarrassed knowing if anyone had heard me or not. No one would be brazened enough to say anything anyway, not unless they want the wrath of Christian or I.

"Might do."

* * *

Not five minutes later, James strolls in through my door, in a perfectly tailored suit.

"So, I hear you want a few orgasms? Maybe I can help?"

"Maybe you can but I should warn you I have very high standards."

"Oh, Miss Steele I think I will be more than capable of meeting your standards, after all I have been doing it for almost three years." I giggle in response.

"Right you are correct, Mr. Ford." He takes off his jacket and places it on the chair in front of my desk revealing his very prominent erection pressed up against the perfectly tailored trousers he's wearing. "Is that Magnum in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" I say eyeing it.

"I'm always happy to see you. See." He says placing my hand on his bulge. _Fuck._ While he undoes my blouse then throws it behind him.

I'm reminded of the first time we had sex, it was also my first time ever, but it was pretty good. We had been on a few dates prior to it. I didn't really feel we were going anywhere. Kate said that I couldn't let myself fall for him when my heart already belongs to someone else. I knew she was right, but at the time I wasn't ready to deal with it. I took me a while but James being the good guy he is, took things slow with me. I had told him some of my past but nowhere near as much detail as Christian. I didn't want a relationship because I knew it wouldn't be fair to whoever I dated because they could never have all of me. I was a 22-year-old virgin who was sick of masturbating about a guy she could never have, so I asked James out after he'd been working for the company for about six months. He was kind, a real gentleman, the kind that picks up the bill even though he knows you make way more money than he does.

Most guys I had been on dates with in the past, didn't go anywhere because once they figured out who I was they were intimidated by me. They were so hell bent on showing me how much more of a man they were, they lost any and all sex appeal. But I knew James, he was someone I considered a friend and he had no problem with the fact that I earned five times as much as he did. That was back then I earn a whole lot less then I do now. When we went on our first date I made it clear that I wasn't looking for a relationship. I was looking for more of a monogamous friends with benefits situation. James being the good guy he is, told me I deserved more but after a few more dates and a _blow job_ he came around to seeing things from my point of view.

James is a few years older than me and his last relationship had ended badly with her cheating on him and breaking off their engagement. So, he wasn't really looking for a committed relationship either. Which suited us both, we agreed that we could have sex whenever the other wanted it and all we ever had to do was ask. My only condition was that we never slept together. I was perfectly happy with a fling around the office or in hotels on trips, but we were never to share bed, _to sleep._

I still spend every night with Christian no matter what. We bought connecting apartments on the top floor of Escala, both have incredible views of the Seattle skyline. We'd alternate nights as to which apartment we sleep in, which really doesn't even matter to us. We've talked about us not sleeping together anymore and we tried, more than once. When we did try to sleep independently, we'd just end up having nightmares again, that would send us into the others bed anyway. So, we figured what was the point? Neither of us are in or have had a significant relationship, I know why I haven't. I think everyone, but Christian knows why I haven't. Christian's relationship history consists of a string of one-night stands or really one- _day_ -stands, as he never spends the night with any of them. It's always helped that the guy is built like a Greek god, somehow despite the fact we run a multi-billion-dollar company but he also has the face of one too. _It's so not fair._ I mean who gets to look like that and be successful to boot? He's never had any trouble with girls in college but once we started our business and become almost famous because of it, it became even easier for him to pick up women. Yet neither of us have ever actually had sex in our own bed. I think it would be too weird to have sex in a bed that I share with a Christian. This is our private space. Plus, I know Christian doesn't trust the girls he has sex with to have the codes for the building, so he doesn't bother to bring them here.

James is the head of marketing at SGE. I've been banging the guy for nearly three years and somehow, he has never actually seen the inside of my apartment. It doesn't bother me, it's sort of like we are having a secret affair. We have sex only when we are on vacation, in the office or random places where you really shouldn't actually have sex. I thought eventually James would be bothered by the fact that I am a whole hell of a lot more powerful than he is, but it never has. He is the only guy I let boss me around and even then, that is only in the proverbial bedroom. Over the years there have been many, many stories about the power houses behind SGE and the fact the we are secretly together. I get why they post them, as we've never taken dates to functions and have never been photographed with significant others. We always go with each other. I personally like the ones that paint us both as gay and that's why we are such good friends because we could never be attracted to each other. _They couldn't be more wrong on that one._

I think James has always suspected that the reason we have never been anything more, even after all this time is because I am in love with Christian. But to his credit he has never brought it up. I think he doesn't want to end what we have. I remember the moment I realised I loved Christian as something more than a friend. It was just after my first week at college and I had finished the day early. I went back to the castle before Christian and it was about midnight when Christian finally arrived home. He had told me he was going to be late, he just didn't say why. But when he came in reeking of perfume and then proceeded to climb into bed with me. I promptly kicked him out and told him to shower. I said it was because I didn't like the smell, but it was because I realised that I hated the fact that he smelt like someone else. That was the moment it became abundantly clear, _I was, I still am,_ _in love with Christian Grey._ People say you cannot separate sex from feelings. I think mine and James' relationship is proof that you _can_. I don't feel any differently about James than I do about Kate, other than the fact that I have sex with James.

Tonight, Christian and I are going to dinner with some of our family and friends. We try to all go out once a month, but we all miss not seeing each other and it turns out to be more like every other week. Elliot and Kate got married just after Kate turned 21. They had been dating since Elliot asked Kate to prom. He told her he had always liked her and wanted to give things a try, and they've been together ever since. They had baby Ava just over a year ago, and are trying for baby number 2, but that's a secret that I am not supposed to know, even though I am pretty sure that it's only a secret from Grace and Carrick. I know Christian knows and I know Mia knows, which means Ethan does so…

Ethan is only a month older than Mia and they have been dating since the 10th grade, _high school sweethearts,_ they got married about a week after they graduated high school. I think most people thought it was destined to fail but they are still as happy as can be three years later. They co-own a restaurant Seattle in which Mia is head Chef and Ethan deals with everything else, so that Mia can create all her masterpieces. They're even talking about expanding and building a night club above the restaurant. The restaurant is called the Mile-High Club because it is situated on the forty fourth and fifth floors of the Arkadia building in the centre of Seattle.

I still remember the day everyone found out about Ethan and Mia, Christian and I came home early when I heard some explicit noises coming from the direction of Mia's bedroom. I went upstairs to see what was going on? Let's just all be thankful it was me and not Christian because if Christian had walked in to see Ethan balls deep in his 16-year-old sister then I'm not sure Ethan would be alive today. I slammed the door, as I stepped back out and then told them to get dressed and come down stairs, so we could talk. _Although Christian did hear me slam the door and what I had said._ They told us they had been together for about six months and that they really were serious about each other. We told them both to come to dinner and tell the whole family. Mia told us that she had kept it a secret because she was scared how her overprotective big brothers would treat Ethan? _Smart move._ When Ethan asked for Carrick's blessing to marry Mia he was just 18, he insisted that Elliot and Christian be there as well, when he asked their father. Naturally there was some resistance given their age, but after a while all three of them gave their blessings. Now the six of us are as close as a group of family and friends can be.

People still have a problem with the fact that I've yet to settle down, but I think with my success in business world, my age gets lost on them. I mean, I'm only 25-years-old not 35. Everyone including the media says I should settle down before I get too old to have children, like I am running out of time? _WTF!_ I love running my company, this _is_ my baby. I have put in far too many years of hard work just to throw it all away, to what, settle down? _Yeah, not really my style._

The ringing of my phone interrupts my afternoon rendezvous with James and all the deliciousness he was doing down below. I reach behind me, and once I pick up the phone I look down to James who is now pulling my panties down my legs.

"Be quiet." I whisper answering the phone. Who the hell got Hannah to call me? She knows when James is here, that means I do not want to be disturbed. Whoever it is must be important.

"Anastasia Steele."

"Miss Steele I am sorry to disturb you, I know you're in a _meeting_ with Mr. Ford, at the moment but there is a representative from Risbro Atlantic on the phone for you who says he cannot wait to talk to you at another time?"

"Urgh. It's ok. Put them through but tell them they have five minutes before I hang up." I love Hannah she has been with us since the start. So, if she felt the need to put them through, then there really was no saying no to them.

"Of course. Miss Steele." I have told her repeatedly that she can call me Ana but no she insists that while at work that I will be Miss Steele.

* * *

 **A few hours later.**

"Smells like sex in here." Kate says as she walks in to my office without knocking.

"No, it does not."

"Ok it doesn't, but you did have sex in here. I saw James earlier and the guy was smiling, he only ever smiles after he has had some _fun_ with the boss."

"Whatever, I am neither confirming nor denying it."

"If you want to go with that. Anyway, the reason I came up is because I have the press release for the acquisition of Risbro Atlantic. And before you say, I could have gone to Christian with it save it. I wanted to see you." Kate is head of PR for SGE, originally Kate was going to work for her father and Kavanagh Media, but she decided to work for us instead, so she didn't have to work under her father's thumb. She and Elliot only work part time at the moment, so one of them can be with Ava for at least part of the day.

"I'm seeing you tonight." I say raising my eyebrows and reaching for the paper in her hand as she sits in one of the chairs in front of me.

"Yeah about that, is it cool if Elliot and I leave early? Grace and Carrick have Ava for the night, so we want go home and make the most of it."

"What am I going to say that? No Kate you can't go and have crazy wild monkey sex with _your_ husband. You must stay and have drinks with us all night." I say rolling my eyes.

"You are the best, but I was asking if it was ok to ditch you with the old married couple," As we have nicknamed Ethan and Mia, as they are literally the epitome of an old married couple. _Ironic, really._ "and the guy you love."

"Jesus Kate will you leave it alone, I spent all day with the guy and sleep with him every night I'll be fine getting tipsy with him and the old married couple. Now go get ready, dinner is in two hour and we'll be leaving soon anyway." I say before she leaves.

"See ya later Steele."

"See ya."

* * *

 **Thank you for reading. Please leave a review.**

 **Fearfully Brave**

 **Who gets the Arkadia reference?**


	11. Chapter 10

**I thought about it making them both virgins, but it just didn't seem logical, they are 25 being virgins at that point seemed odd. Even if they are both in love with each other. Hence the no relationships.**

* * *

 **March 2018 (a little over 6 months before the wedding)**

 **Ana POV**

Sitting in my office sorting out the final paperwork for the merger SGE is currently finalising. It's been an interesting last month, Mia and Ethan announced that their having a baby. Which everyone is ecstatic about, it wasn't planned but they're excited none the less, actually we all are and can't wait to meet the new addition to the family. We've been so busy with work, Christian and I have been getting in at 7 each morning and not leaving until 11 at night. What I really need is a release, in the past month I've barely seen James we've all been so busy with this merger, that it's been hard to find the time to sneak off, even just for a few minutes.

"Hannah, when is my next meeting?" I say through the intercom on my desk.

"You have a meeting in 5 minutes with Mr. Ford." 

"I do?"

"Yes, Miss Steele, Mr. Ford called this morning to set it up." _Ok?_

"Ok. Send him straight in when he gets here."

"Of course, Miss Steele. Do you need anything else?"

"No thank you Hannah that'll be all."

Sure, enough five minutes later in walks James.

"Did you really schedule sex?" I ask slightly amused but James' face falls. _Huh?_

"No, actually I came to talk."

"You did?"

"Yeah there is something I need to talk to you about." _There is?_

"What is it this sounds ominous?"

"It is. Ok I am just going to say it…" He trails off. In all the time I have known James he has never once looked remotely frightened, like he does at this moment, but right now he looks terrified.

"What is it?" I prompt.

"Ana, I want more." _WHAT?_

"James…" I interrupt. _He can't. I can't_. I am not made for anything more. I… I…

"Just listen. I want more. I want a real relationship, a girlfriend, someone to love. Someone who loves me back." _Does that mean he loves me?_ "But I know that isn't what you want, at least with me. I get it. You can tell yourself that it's because you are too broken to fall in love with anyone, but we both know that's not true, it's because you're in love with someone else, specifically with Christian. Don't even try to deny it!"

"I… I…" I stutter trying to say something. Anything, but I can't find the words.

"No. Don't. I understand."

"You do?"

"Come on, anyone with eyes can see that you are in love with him. I've know that from the beginning, but now I want something more. I've met someone. She's amazing, you would really like her, nothing has happened between us _yet._ Of that I promise. I wouldn't do that to you or to her."

"I am happy for you James."

"You are?"

"Yes. You deserve to be happy with someone who can treat you like you deserve to be."

"You do too." He says looking at me like I should respond but I don't know what to say.

"Ana, I have known you for three years and the only things I know about you are those few little tidbits that you have shared with me, _only_ out of necessity. You keep people at arm's length because you are afraid to trust anyone because of what happened to you as a child and also because the loss of both your parent's. You also do it because the only person you have truly let in, the only one person whom you truly trust _completely_ is Christian. You're in love with him, but you've convinced yourself that you are not worthy of his love and that he could never look at you that way because you see yourself as unworthy." _Stop, don't do this, please._

"James stop." I whisper but he doesn't hear me.

"Ana you _are_ worthy. What that monster did to you has _not_ made you unworthy, especially of love. Whether it's giving it or receiving it. Don't let what he did and your parent's deaths define you. You love that man. I can see it. Tell him how you feel, be honest with him and yourself."

"Get out." I say with more conviction then the last time I spoke. _I can't do this._

"Ana please."

"No James, get out. I'm happy for you, I really am, but you need to go."

"Ana." James please, I've had enough. I can't listen to any more of what he has to say. I just can't.

"OUT!" I yell. I can feel the tears in my eyes, but I will _not_ let them fall. Least of all in front of James. This time he listens to me and leaves without another word.

 _I can't be here, I need to get the hell out here._ I grab by purse, phone and jacket and walk out of my office.

"Hannah, cancel my meetings for the rest of the day. I'm going home."

"Yes, Miss Steele." Hannah says trying to cover her shock. I have never left in the middle of the day, _ever._

Sawyer joins me in the elevator.

"Ana is everything ok?" It took me six months to convince Sawyer to call me Ana and not Miss Steele or Ma'am.

"Everything is fine, just take me home." He looks at me and I can tell he doesn't believe me, but he wisely chooses not to say anything.

I pull out my phone and text Kate.

*I'm going home. Can you meet me at my place and bring booze! -A*

Not thirty seconds later I get a text back.

 _*On my way. What happened? -K*_

*I'll explain when you get to my place. Don't tell anyone where you are going.*

 _*Ok but I'm letting Elliot know where I'll be, you know he worries.*_

*Fine but no one else.*

 _*Does Christian know where you are?*_

*No.* Is all I text before getting off the elevator and into the back of the SUV.

* * *

Not five minutes after I get through the door, I'm in a pair of sweats and a hoodie. Kate walks through the door with a bottle of Aniseed Sambuca, _my favourite._ It's the only alcohol I will tolerate drinking in shot form. _God, how well this girl knows me._

"I have shots. You've never asked for booze before, so I figured you needed the hard stuff." Kate says handing me the bottle.

"I got you out some sweats, so you can get comfy too, they're in my bedroom. Go put them on and meet me in the living room." I say before heading to the kitchen for shot glasses.

A few minutes later Kate comes out in sweats.

"Thanks for the sweats."

"Your welcome, I know we both love to get out our work clothes as soon as we walk through the door and seeing as I all but dragged you here, I thought it was the least I could do."

"Ana what's wrong? You _never_ leave work before 5 and even then, that's because you have somewhere to go."

"James and I broke up, I guess." But then again, it's _not_ really a break up because we were never really together.

"What happened?" She asks, her face is etched with concern.

"He met someone." I say with a smile because I really am happy for him.

"And you're happy for him? I still don't understand what was so important and urgent enough for you to just up and leave at work at 3:15 on a weekday."

"I _am_ happy for him, he deserves to happy." 

"So, what's the problem?" She prompts.

"The problem is what he said after he told me that." I take a breath and take two shots.

"Jesus Ana slow down. What the fuck did he say to you?" She says, and I can tell she's getting angry, she is like a protective mama bear.

"He told me that I deserved more too."

"He's right. You do." 

"No, I don't." I can feel the tears coming but for now the alcohol is keeping them at bay.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm broken and damaged."

"We all are Ana, that's what makes us human."

"Not as broken as me."

"What exactly did James say?"

"That he's known me for three years and yet he still knows next to nothing about me. That I don't trust people, that I never truly let people in. Hence broken and damaged."

"You let me in." 

"That's not what he meant, and you know it." I say raising my eyebrow. "What he meant is that he is jealous that I let Christian in and not him. That even though we've been sleeping together for three years, he still can't kiss my neck or come on me." Husband Number 2 _did_ that to me. So just the thought of having a guy do it to me, just brings up too many memories of _him_. When I gave James a blowjob for the first time, I thought I would freak out, but then when I actually did it, I didn't think twice about it or swallowing. But then a little while after we started our arrangement he pulled out of me and I noticed that he was actually going to the same thing as _him_ and come on my stomach, I totally freaked out. Then I had no choice really and felt I had to explain my reaction. _That was not a fun conversation._

"Can you blame him? Even I don't know everything about you and what happened to you."

"That's because talking about it hurts, like actually physically hurts. That's why I won't let him touch my neck or come on me."

"I know, I get it, I really do. But can you see his point?"

"Yes, but that is not what hurt the most. What hurt the most was what he said after that. He said that I see myself as being unworthy of love."

"You do." She says point blank, which makes me lose it as the tears spill from my eyes.

"I know."

"Ana, I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you cry but you do feel that way about yourself and you know it. You think that _he_ broke you, and every time you didn't let James touch you, you felt guilty and it's been eating at you for so long. You take it all to heart because that just who you are. You're the kindest person I have ever met and that's because you treat everyone with such compassion and it's not just because you are a good person. You do it because the first person who ever said anything nice about you, that sticks in your mind, was _not_ truthful and hurt you and no one knew. So, you treat everyone important to you like they're Royalty, because you need everyone to know that they _really do_ mean something to you and you're not just saying it for another purpose. Because you never want anyone to feel the way you felt and still feel." _She is right, I know it._

"I never thought about like that. When did you become so wise or are you secretly a shrink?" I ask trying to lighten the mood.

"I've always have been wise, you just never realised it before." She says making me giggle.

"He also broke up with me because I love _him_. I love someone I can't be with because he doesn't love me back." _I love Christian, but I can't tell him because I can't lose him._

"Oh Ana." Kate says pulling me into a hug, and I just cry and cry until I fall asleep in her arms.

 **Meanwhile Christian POV**

This damn merger is going to be the death of me, it's been the longest month, ever, it certainly feels that way. No matter what Ana and I did, it seemed at each and every turn someone decided to present us with another fucking problem. I think this week alone I have fired 20 people for incompetence, which has made this week better, _(yeah, I know I'm a prick sometimes.)_ but it still sucked. Plus, I've barely seen Ana because we have been putting out fires all over the place, which meant that we've only seen each other at night just before we go to bed. I have missed our daily conversations. _I miss her_.

It maybe just after 3 in the afternoon, but I am done for the day. This merger is in the final stages and no longer requires mine or Ana's attention. I'm going to find Ana and ask her if we can go home and spend the afternoon watching movies just like the old days.

However, when I get to Ana's office Hannah stops me.

"Mr. Grey, Miss Steele isn't here."

"She isn't. Does she have a meeting I don't know about?" I say raising my eyebrows, _I know_ _she never leaves this early._

"No Sir. Mr. Ford came by earlier, he and Miss Steele got into a somewhat of heated conversation, after that Miss Steele told me to cancel the rest of her meetings and left. I believe she went home, Sir."

"Thank you, Hannah." Usually I wouldn't appreciate an employee being so forward, but I know Hannah is as professional as they come and wouldn't tell anyone but me that information.

"Of course, Sir." I turn and start heading to the security office.

* * *

"Taylor, we're going home." He gives me the most confused look. I don't blame him, I never leave this early, _ever._

"Yes Sir." He says, although a bit puzzled.

Once I arrive home I don't bother going to my apartment I go straight into Ana's, only to find her with Kate on the couch.

"Ana, I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you cry but you do feel that way about yourself and you know it. You think that he broke you, and every time you didn't let James touch you, you felt guilty and it's been eating at you for so long. You take it all to heart because that just who you are. You're the kindest person I have ever met and that's because you treat everyone with such compassion and it's not just because you are a good person. You do it because the first person who ever said anything nice about you, that sticks in your mind, was _not_ truthful and hurt you and no one knew. So, you treat everyone important to you like they're Royalty, because you need everyone to know that they _really do_ mean something to you and you're not just saying it for another purpose. Because you never want anyone to feel the way you felt and still feel." _James doesn't have full permission to touch Ana freely?_ She deserves so much better than that and what that monster did to her, shattered any self-confidence she had. In the boardroom Ana is the most confident woman on the planet but what people don't realise is that it's all a well-crafted act, a façade per say, to hide the scared little girl inside. She may be the most beautiful girl on the planet, but I know that's not at all what she sees when she looks in the mirror.

"I never thought about like that. When did you become so wise or are you secretly a shrink?" Ana asks deflecting Kate's comment because even after all this time she still hates any form of complement, it still makes her skin crawl.

"I've always have been wise, you just never realised it before." Kate says which makes Ana giggle, slightly.

"He also broke up with me because I love _him_. I love someone I can't be with because he doesn't love me back." _She loves James?_

"Oh Ana." Kate says pulling her into a hug as Ana cries into her chest. I want nothing more than to walk over there and comfort her, but I can't she is crying because the guy she loves broke her heart. What she doesn't know is that she just _broke mine_.

The girl I've loved for almost fifteen years has never and will never love me, not like I love her. _Urgh Grey, you really thought she would love you back? I can't listen anymore of this._ My chest aches, so I turn to leave back to my apartment.

* * *

 **Elliot's POV**

Christian just called me to tell me he was coming over, and I quote, 'To get drunk and forget.' God knows why. Knowing him it has to have something to do with Ana because if not he would have called her and not me. Kate called me earlier to say she was going to Ana's because they needed some girl time. Maybe that's why Christian is coming here and not going to Ana's?

Knock. Knock.

I open up the door to find Christian holding a $1000 bottle of Scotch.

"Can I come in?" He asks, sounding so defeated. _What the fuck happened?_

"Sure." I say stepping aside, so he can enter.

He sits on the couch and I grab two tumblers from the wet bar.

"Ok what happened?" I ask sitting next to him. He gives me a look I can't place and then proceeds to pour two very large portions of Scotch.

"Ana and James broke up."

"Were they ever really together?" I ask giving him a pointed look.

"No. I guess not."

"Ok. Sorry but I'm failing to see why this warrants heavy drinking at 4 in the afternoon?"

"Because she's in love with him." _She's what now?_ There is no way in hell that's true.

"Why do you think that?" I say trying to keep my facial expressions neutral.

"Because she said it." _She did?_

"Like the actual words?"

"Yes, she said 'He broke up with me because I love him.'" _Huh?_

"Ok. But why is this a problem?" I know why it is but I want him to say it.

"I don't know. That's the problem, why do I care? It's not like we're dating?" Ok well that was just a bold face lie.

"Because _you_ love her!" It's not a question, it is statement.

"NO!" He yells, _ok now you are just being delusional._

"Shut up, Ava's asleep." I say in a whisper yell.

"Shit. Sorry." He says in a much more appropriate decibel.

"So?"

"So?" He says in return.

"So, do you love her or not?"

"We are just friends." _Talking to him about Ana is like pulling teeth and exactly like talking to Ana._

"Ok if you say so." I say rolling my eyes.

"I do say so."

"OK. Let's just get you drunk then, I would join you, but Kate isn't here, and someone needs to look after Ava."

And with that he downs the tumbler in one gulp. _Oh,_ _this is soooo going to be a long night._

 **I know this chapter is shorter, but there _is_ a reason for that. The next chapter needed to be separate for what's about to come next. **

**Thank you as always for reading. Your support means so much. Please leave a review.**

 **Fearfully Brave**


	12. Chapter 11

**Well, if you hated me for the last chapter you are definitely going to hate me for this one. There's only this chapter and maybe two more until we get to the end of the prologue. Then maybe the fun begins? You'll have to wait and see.**

 **To the guest reviewer who said '** **I hate that he rushes into a relationship over a stupid misunderstanding. To be honest, this really disappoints me. So, cliché.' I did say in the description that this was going to be a tad cliché,** **so it shouldn't be a surprise. Plus, in the prologue, it says that CG has only been with her for six months so it's not like that's a surprise either.**

 **To everyone else's reviews, I want to say thank you, even if you just post no more than a thank you, it motivates me so much and I appreciate each and every one of you.**

* * *

 **End of March 2018 (6 months until the wedding)**

 **Ana's POV**

Christian and I haven't slept in the same bed for almost two weeks. The same day that James and I broke up, he didn't come home, and I slept in my own bed, by myself for the first time in years. To say that it was strange would be an understatement. Usually when I'd sleep without Christian I'd get nightmares, but that night was the first night I'd slept without him and I didn't. I didn't sleep all night, I fell asleep after Kate left around 10, but when I woke up that night, it wasn't because of a nightmare, because I couldn't remember what I'd dreamt about. All I know is that I woke up scared out of my mind and I had absolutely no idea why. I called Christian because I couldn't bring myself to move from the spot on my bed, because I was petrified, but he wasn't home instead he told me he had stayed at Elliot and Kate's. I didn't actually tell him why I called, I just said it was because I wondered where he was because I was going to bed, seeing as it was just after 1 and he believed me.

The next few nights after he came home from Kate and Elliot's we'd fall asleep together, but he'd be gone when I woke up. I asked if I had done something wrong? He said that he'd given it considerable thought and no longer felt that we should to sleep together. That we needed to get used to sleeping apart because eventually we would meet someone, and they wouldn't understand our arrangement. I mean I get that, I do, but I also know he was lying about the real reason, but what I don't understand is why? It has been almost two weeks since we last shared a bed and I miss him. I also miss sleeping, because once I wake up I can't get back to sleep because the adrenaline coursing through my veins keeps me awake. On the plus side I have started to read again, I had honestly forgotten how much I loved it. I haven't really read since before Christian and I started sleeping together and I was up most of the night. Once we started the company, I no longer had the time because if I wasn't at work, we were at a function or at home talking or asleep.

Last night I woke up screaming. I didn't know why at first or what I was screaming about, but it must have been loud enough to wake Sawyer up. Because not five seconds after waking up I'm startled by my bedroom bursting open, I shot up in the bed frightened out of my mind. Only to see Luke barging in with his gun drawn ready to stop whoever it was that was trying to hurt me. He wanted to wake Christian because I was borderline hysterical at that point, but I refused to let him because that would just make him feel guilty for not being here. I know he would be here the second he found out, but he deserves to sleep properly even if I can't.

It's a Sunday afternoon and I'm in the kitchen making a cake for Sunday dinner at the Castle, despite the fact everyone moved out years ago, Grace has made it known that every Sunday we are all expected at the Castle to have dinner together. Over the years the only time anyone has ever missed one was because they were out of town on business and rescheduling wasn't an option. I am making a two-layer chocolate cake with a meringue frosting but because I am the clumsiest person on the planet I dropped one of the eggs on the floor. I still need one more egg for the frosting, so I go to the one person I know will hopefully have an egg, Christian. I have my headphones in despite the fact I have a complete sound system throughout the entire apartment, there is just something about having your headphones in that just shuts out the world and makes you forget your responsibilities even just for a little while. I'm listening to 'Hips don't lie' by Shakira, trying not to dance as I walk over to Christian's. I don't bother knocking, whenever I do he gets annoyed that someone had to come to the door when it is _unnecessary_. I don't bother looking for Christian once inside I know he will be in his study killing time before we go see the family this evening.

I am walking into the kitchen when I hear a noise behind me, making me jump. I turn around expecting to see Taylor, Gail or Christian. Instead I find a girl holding a ladle, looking at me terrified. We stare at each other for a few moments before she goes to hit me with the ladle. But thanks to all the self-defence classes I have taken over the years I stop her and pin her to the counter. Which makes her screams both out of shock and pain from the vice like hold I have on her wrist behind her back. Not ten seconds later in runs Christian and Taylor making me pull my headphones out.

"Ana let her go?" Christian says. _What?_

"Why?" I ask looking confused.

"Because she's my girlfriend not an intruder." _Girlfriend?_

"Shit sorry." I say letting her go. "Sorry I attacked you, but you did try to hit me with a ladle." Christian pulls her into his chest as she rubs the wrist I had pinned behind her back.

"A ladle really Emma?" Christian says with a chuckle.

"What, it was all that was on hand?" She says with a shrug.

"Honestly, this is an extremely secure building and anyone in here most likely has permission. Anyhow, this is my COO Anastasia Steele." _Huh! I'm your just your COO?_

"Hi." I say giving a soft wave, which she reluctantly returns.

"Anastasia this is Emma Williams my girlfriend." We shake hands.

There are few moments of uncomfortable silence before I decide to break it.

"I should be going I only came by for an egg. I have a cake in the oven. I assume it's ok to steal an egg, seeing as you'll be eating the cake later?"

"Yes. You know it is. Do I get to ask what kind of cake you're making?"

"Nope." I say popping the 'p'. "You can find out at dinner later. I'll meet you there. I have somethings to take care of before I go." I know I am lying and he can tell because he gets this look in his eye when he can't read me perfectly. But I don't care if he knows I'm lying because I'm sure as shit not going to spend the drive over there in the back seat with them!

I walk back over to my apartment, only once I get inside and take the cake out of the oven, it hits me, that the guy I love, is dating someone else. They've clearly been dating for a while since she was in his apartment and I'm assuming she's also coming to dinner at the Castle. There was a time when we would spend all our free time together, but that all changed three weeks ago. I don't get it, I mean he must have met her and then decided that he didn't have time for me anymore. We've barely talked, and I've barely seen him outside of work. It's odd, it's so not... _us!_ I guess a part of me always knew he would find someone eventually, it just hurts a hell of a lot more than I thought it would, and now it actually has happened. I know I have no right to be upset, he was never mine to begin with. Friends drift apart, right? Don't get me wrong I don't just miss sleeping with him, I miss the conversations before bed and always having someone to come home to more. I miss my best friend. Has he been with her for three weeks or longer? No, he would have told me, wouldn't he? I'm already missing him terribly now, what's it going to be like when things get more serious with them?

"Ana are you ok?" I hear from behind me, I turn around to find Ros my housekeeper. I only hired Ros because physically I couldn't do it all, working full time gave me no time to cook and clean. People think I love all of the perks that come with being rich, but what they don't know is that half my wardrobe isn't designer, it's off the rack crap. Don't get me wrong, there are things I love about my life now, but there is so much that I miss. Like the ability to just go and see a movie or go bowling or to even going to the supermarket. I genuinely can't remember the last time I did that. It's part of the reason why I insist on baking something every Sunday, just so I can feel normal, even if it's only for a little while. I cook sometimes on the weekend too if I don't have work to do, but more often than not it's Ros who does the cooking or Gail when I go over there to eat. _Not that I have in a while. Now I'm wondering if I ever will be again?_

"Yes why?" I ask slightly confused by the question.

"Ana, you're crying." _I am?_ I reach up and touch my cheek and sure enough it's wet.

"I didn't even realise." I say with a shrug, Ros walks around the counter and pulls me into a hug. Ros is in her late forties and over time I've come love Ros and see her as family, sort of resembling what I'd imagine an aunt wound be like in my life.

"You want to talk about it?" She asks gently stroking my back.

"No, I just need minute." I say prompting her to hold me a little tighter.

"It's ok. Cry it out, you'll feel better after." So that's what I do, I just stand there crying for a few minutes longer until I do feel a bit better and then I go back to finishing my cake.

* * *

 **A few hours later.**

 **Grace's POV**

Everyone has arrived at the house for Sunday dinner, as always, they're all in the living room. Mia and Ethan are playing with Ava, while Elliot and Kate watch from the sofa. We're all waiting for Ana and Christian to turn up, I can't wait to see what dessert Ana's bringing today, that girl never fails to amaze me with her flavour combinations. We're all watching Ava walking when I hear a knock at the door, so I get up to answer finding Ana holding a cake in her hands.

"Ana honey, how are you?" I say taking the cake from her.

"I'm good Grace. How are you?" She says following me into the kitchen.

"I'm good too. Where's Christian you always come together?"

"He'll be by in a bit, I think."

"Okay?" I say hesitantly, there is something she isn't telling me. "What's this?" I ask pointing to the cake not on the counter.

"Devil's food cake with a meringue frosting."

"I'm sure it'll be delicious. Everyone's in the great room, let's go join them."

"Where's Christian?" Elliot asks when we enter.

"Good to see you to Ellie. And he should be by soon with his _girlfriend."_ She says making Kate, Mia and Ethan choke on their drinks.

"What?" Elliot all but yells.

"Yes, you heard me right. I met her earlier today when she tried to hit me with a ladle."

"What do you mean hit you with a ladle?" Kate asks with a chuckle.

"I needed an egg, so I went to get one from Christian's only when I got to the kitchen I wasn't alone. I turned around to find her holding a ladle, when we locked eyes she goes to hit me with it. She figured I was an intruder, as I did with her, so I pinned her to the counter only to have Christian and Taylor come in and tell me that she _is_ in fact Christian's girlfriend."

"Sweet, Mother of God." Elliot says under his breath but still loud enough for everyone to hear.

"You ok, Ana?" Mia asks.

"Yeah why?" _Because the boy you love is dating someone else?_ I love my boy and Ana to death but those two are infuriating to watch. They're so clearly in love with one another. Yet, neither one of them has ever had the courage to admit it. I always thought the day he brought a girl home it would be Ana. _Guess not today, but I'm still not giving up hope_. Those two may not see it, but they were made for each other. However, it does explain why Ana's looked so out of sorts these past few weeks. They've stopped sharing a bed together and are once again not sleeping. They told us they stopped years ago but none of us ever believed it. I mean they brought apartments literally next door to on another. If that doesn't scream 'we still share a bed' I don't know what does.

"No reason." Mia lies to give Ana an out because it is blatantly obvious she doesn't want to talk about it.

Over the years we've tried to tell them that the other is in love with them, but neither would listen. I always figured that they would wise up and see the obvious, but I guess not. Maybe we were all wrong? Maybe he never loved her? Maybe he just wasn't ready to settle down and now he is? _NO! No guy is as close with a girl like Christian is with Ana and isn't in love with her! I know he is and I refuse to believe otherwise!_

We are sitting talking about our week when I hear a knock at the door and send Carrick to get it.

* * *

 **Carrick POV**

I open the door to find Christian and an average height brunette who must be the _girlfriend._

"Hello, I'm Carrick Grey, Christian's father." I say extending my hand.

"Hello, I'm Emma Williams." She says shaking my hand.

"Hey Dad. I'm guessing Ana's here." He says hugging me before returning his arm to the Emma's waist.

"That she is. Turned up about fifteen minutes ago."

"Right. Emma ready to meet the rest of my family?" He says turning to face her, she smiles in response.

We walk into the living room as everyone's heads turn to take them both in. Even though all their expressions remain virtually neutral, I can already tell that they don't like the girl. Can't say as I blame them. I think we all thought that Ana was going to be the first girl he would actually date.

"Everyone this is my girlfriend Emma Williams." He says before introducing her to everyone. I have to say that her introduction to Ava was the most telling of all. Ava reached out to Emma and she backed away, she wouldn't hold her and even though her face didn't show it you could see the distain in her eyes. _I don't like this girl. Not one bit._

* * *

 **Elliot's POV**

The girl C brought home, she seems nice enough but there is just something about her that seems off. It's not like she has done anything wrong or impolite. _Yet!_ I think it's just her personality or is it just her overall demeaner? She says all the right things, is polite and personable but it all seems too perfect, like she is hiding something, just beneath the surface. We're all sitting at the dinner table about to cut into Ana's cake, even though Ana's desserts are always large enough to feed an army, there still isn't anything leftover thanks to all the men in this family. _We all love her desserts._

"Ana, you made this yourself?" See, it's comments like that that seem nice enough but you can hear the double meaning in it. Like she doesn't believe Ana could actually make it herself, that she didn't have her housekeeper make it for her or that she's too important for such a menial task? _She must be thinking of herself, that's it?_

"Yes, I make something every week."

"You, come to all their _family_ dinners?" Are you trying to say she isn't family? Before Ana has a chance to respond, I step in.

"Banana is family."

"Why don't you go to your own family instead?" _Jesus fucking Christ lady will you give it a rest!_ This time my Mom steps in.

"We _are_ Ana's family just like her parents were."

"Oh, I'm sorry what happened?" _Woman will you shut the fuck up!_

"They died when I was 18." Ana says neutrally but if you know the girl like I do then you can hear the sadness in her voice. It may have been years but thinking about them still gets to her, even if she doesn't show it.

"How?" Emma asks intrusively. _OMFG! She just doesn't stop._

"A car accident. Can we stop talking about it now?!" Kate politely snaps. _Always a protective Mama Bear my girl. Fuck that's hot. I am so sneaking her out to the boathouse as soon as we are done eating that cake._

"Yes, sorry." Emma says but I'm not sure I believe her. What's weirder is that Christian has barely spoken to Ana all evening and hasn't defended her? Not once, from any of the nasty comments or should I say accusations coming from his _girlfriend_? I don't get it? I am _so_ speaking going to him about that later.

* * *

Once we all finish the cake, I pull Christian aside.

"What the fuck is up with you tonight?"

"What do you mean?" He asks.

"Why are you letting Emma walk over Ana?"

"What do you mean?"

" _What do I mean?_ Either you are fucking blind or your so pussy drunk that you can't see it. She's been treating Ana like shit all night."

"Elliot you are being a bit dramatic."

" _I'm being dramatic_. What the fuck happened to the guy who would be on the verge of punching a guy or anyone out for looking the wrong way at Ana? Now you are just sitting there and letting this happen? I love Ana like a sister, so are you seriously telling me you would be ok if she treated Mia like she just treated Ana? And why the fuck wouldn't you tell her about Ana's parents?"

"Ok, maybe she went a little too far, but Ana can handle herself. And I didn't tell her about Ana's parents because it wasn't my place to tell." _Ok who are you and what have you done with the over protective control freak that's my little brother?_

"Fine, if you want to be like that go ahead. But if she treats her like that again I am not going to keep Kate on the leash when she goes full throttle protective Mama Bear on her."

"Whatever." He huffs before walking off to find Emma, well, I presume Emma.

 _Boathouse here I come._

* * *

 **Kate's POV**

Elliot just dragged me out to the boathouse and even though we are married and have a kid, and the fact that his parents probably know exactly why we've snuck out here, still makes me feel like a kid in high school.

"Babe, are we ever going to be able to come you parent's house and you not drag me out here?" I ask in mock anger.

"Well, I was considering not bringing you out here tonight, but then you went all protective Mama Bear and you know what that does to me." He says pushing me onto the couch.

" _Sure,_ you weren't. You always find a reason to drag me out here."

"You know you sound like you dislike coming out here with me, but you did willingly follow me. So, what does that say about you?" I roll my eyes in response because I know he's right.

"Do you like her?" I ask.

"Her who?"

"You know who?"

"Nope. Kate right now I definitely don't want to talk about _her_."

* * *

 **Meanwhile Ana's POV**

Screw Kate, she ditched me for Elliot. I really should be used to it by now, those two have been that way since they first got together all those years ago. Just thinking about them makes me smile. I mean they're living proof that true love really does exist. I'm sitting with Ava on my lap and she's happily babbling about something, not that anyone could understand her.

"Hey baby girl, how've you been, your Auntie Ana missed you this week?" I say nuzzling her cubby little cheeks. As Emma sits down beside me on the couch. It takes everything in me not to roll my eyes and walk away. _Why the hell did she have to sit beside me! Suck it up and play nice._

"Why are you Auntie Ana if you're not _really_ her aunt?" Emma says. _Excuse me?_

"Well I _am_ her Godmother, so I suppose it just fits. Plus, the fact that blood doesn't make you an Aunt, love does. I know its sappy, but it's true, just because you're not biologically related doesn't mean you're not family. I mean all the Grey kids are adopted and they _are_ all family." I say prompting an eye roll.

"I guess you're right, but would you really want to look after her if her parents died?" _Who the hell asks a question like that?_

"Yes, that's why I agreed to be her Godmother. But it's doesn't matter because Elliot and Kate aren't going anywhere right baby girl?" I say kissing Ava's cheek. I swear I heard her huff. Lady you are going to have to like kids because I know for a fact that Christian wants children. I look around the room to see if anyone else is listening to this conversation, maybe I'm just making her seem worse than she actually is? _Nah!_ But there is no one else around to prove me wrong?

We sit there for a while making mindless boring chitchat before everyone else joins us once again. _Be nice, be nice, be nice._ I keep repeating in my head, so I don't kill her. _You just don't like her because she is dating Christian. You're blowing this way out of proportion._

Emma gets up as soon as Kate comes in, and Kate sits down next to me.

"You have fun in the boathouse?" I ask raising an eyebrow.

"Always. Maybe we just made you a sibling. Would you like that Ava?" Kate asks, and Ava claps her hands. She has absolutely no idea what Kate just said but damn if it isn't funny.

"What's so funny?" Grace asks. Causing both Kate and I to blush.

"Nothing." We both say in unison making us start laughing.

"We're going to head out." Christian says before saying goodbye to everyone.

Once they're gone we're all just sitting around silently for a moment.

"So, what did you all think of _Emma?"_ Ethan asks in a sarcastic tone.

"She seemed, nice." Grace says after a pause.

"Yeah, when she wasn't being a bitch to Ana." Elliot chimes in.

"Elliot Grey language your daughter is in the room." Grace chides, and Kate just rolls her eyes. Telling Elliot to watch his language is like getting an Orthodox Rabbi to eat bacon. _Impossible._

"She was though Grace." Ethan says agreeing with Elliot.

"Yeah, Mom half of what she said was demeaning to Ana." Elliot adds.

"No way in hell, I would have handled her intrusive questions with that much grace that's for sure." Mia says.

"If it we me she had spoken about like that, let's just say she would be missing a few extensions or eating through a straw. And believe me one more question and she would have been." Kate grunts.

"She was probably just jealous of how close Ana and Christian are." _Ok did everyone just forget that I am still in the room? I mean they're talking about me like I'm not even here._

"Maybe she's just defensive around new people?" Grace defends.

"Ana. Ana. Ana." Ava says cupping my face, once again alerting everyone to my presence.

"That's right baby girl, I'm your Auntie Ana." Everyone looks at me with a look of pity and remorse for forgetting my presence.

"How are you doing with all this?" Ethan asks. How did I grow up an only child and somehow end up with the equivalent of two brothers?

"I'm fine, really." _Liar!_

"Our girls a rock." Kate says prompting everyone to drop any further questions they may have. _Thank the lord._

 **Thanks, as always. Please leave review if you can.**

 **So, you have met the bitch, what do you think?**

 **Fearfully Brave.**

 **P.S. To those of my Jewish readers I hope none of you were offended in any way with the Rabbi comment. Although my beta is Jewish, and she edited that line and loved it. Plus, it really did reflect Elliot. :)**


	13. Chapter 12

**I get if you don't want to read Christian and Emma, but you will want to read this chapter. It explains all and make you all hate me and Christian and me a little less.**

* * *

 **Where the previous chapter left off…**

 **Christian's POV**

The car ride home has been in complete silence, I'm barely keeping my temper at bay. Elliot was right, the way Emma spoke to Ana today was way out of line, but I sat there the whole time and couldn't do a damn thing. Emma knew it. She knew I wouldn't be able to say anything and she took full advantage of it. I know I'm close to losing it, but I can't, not until we're inside the apartment and there are no witnesses, Emma knows it too. Which is why she hasn't tried to break the silence, of the 20-minute car ride back to Escala.

Once we're inside the apartment, I yell for Taylor and Gail. When they appeared, I tell them to stay in their quarters and not to come out until I tell them. I know I sounded like a complete dick and I usually am less of tyrant when it comes to my household staff because I view them as family, but no, I had to be a complete ass today because I knew that they couldn't be present or hear any of the _conversation_ I'm about to have.

I all but drag Emma into my office because this is the only room in the apartment with soundproofing.

"What the fuck was that?" I yell directly at her.

"What the fuck was what?" She says completely calm.

"You treating Ana like shit all night? The comments about her being family and about her parents when you knew damn well what happened to them?" _Yeah, I lied to Elliot._

"You don't want to go there Christian because you know there is nothing you can do."

"That may be true but if you continue to treat her like that my family is going to know something is up because I would never let anyone talk to her that way. _Ever."_

"Bullshit you sat there all night, by _my_ side and didn't say anything in her defence." She hisses.

"Because I couldn't, because you're fucking blackmailing me into submission!" I yell.

"I would watch the way you're talking to me because if you continue the way you are, you will not like what happens when I get pissed."

"I get it, you can destroy her but if you think I can sit by and watch you drive Ana away, then you have another thing coming. I love her, you know that, it's why you're here in the first place. You knew exactly what I would do when you showed me those files on Morton."

"Exactly, which is why I know you won't do anything, unless you want the whole world to know what happened to your _precious Ana_." _Bitch! Absolute fucking bitch! You have to keep you calm, Grey._

"Yes, but what you don't realise is, that if you continue to treat her like you did tonight, my entire family is going to know that there _is_ something wrong. Do you get that? Because no one and I mean no one, gets away with talking to her like that if I'm around."

"Whatever." She huffs with an eyeroll.

"No! Not whatever, Emma. You may hold all the cards, but your plan only works if I play along and I _cannot and will not_ play along if I have to spend my time defending you and your actions."

"Fine I'll play nice when everyone else is around, but I am not pretending when there is no one else around. So, do what you will but I'm going to get my way because you know what happens if I don't."

"How could I forget, you keep the proof around your neck as constant reminder."

"You would be wise to remember that. See you Friday and remember, if you tell anyone, I _will_ know and then you know what _will_ happen next." She says fondling the memory stick on her necklace, taunting me with it, to show me she has the proof. _Like I could forget._

"Goodbye Emma." I grit out before she leaves without another word.

I hate this, I hate it. I had to sit there throughout dinner and let my _so-called, self-proclaimed_ _girlfriend_ belittle the girl I love because she is blackmailing me, and it's all because I can't let that information get out. It would hurt her too much. I'm trying to hold myself together but all I want to do at this moment is throw my phone across the room and destroy it. Because right now watching it shatter would give me some gratification. But to what end? I can't help but think back to when I met Emma and how I ended up here. At this point the girl I love hates me and my family is none to please with me either for letting Emma treat her like shit all night. _My life sucks and I have no idea how to get out of this mess! Think Christian!_

* * *

 _Flashback_

I'm sitting in a bar, drinking a scotch viewing the slim pickings of what's here tonight. I'm just looking for some bimbo to take back to her place and fuck her senseless, just to forget about the girl I love loving someone else. It's what I do whenever it hits me that I can't be with the girl I love, it's what I've done for so long it just seems normal now.

A petite brunette sits down next to me in the booth. _She would be a welcome distraction if she didn't bare an uncanny resemblance to Ana._

"Hi, I'm Emma." _Woman I am not interested._

"Hi."

"You are?" She prompts.

"Wanting to be left alone."

"Oh, Mr Grey I wouldn't do that. You might be interested in what I have to say." She says in a sickly-sweet voice that sounds innocent but it's almost _threatening_.

"How do you know who I am?"

"Who doesn't know who you are? Your face is always in the media, along with your COO Anastasia Steele."

"What do you want?" I say getting bored with whatever game she is trying to play.

"Do you know a man named Steven Morton?" She asks, and I spit my scotch all over the table. _How the fuck does she know his name? I paid to have it buried._

"Who is he to you?"

"No one but he _is_ someone to you."

"I'm going to assume that you didn't meet me by accident." I say not bothering to ask any questions she isn't going to answer. _Yet_.

"You would be correct, Christian. I do hope its ok if I call you Christian. Anyway, the reason I came here was because I have a plan." She says once again innocently but you can hear the double meaning.

"What kind of plan?" I say through gritted teeth.

"I have friend, an ex-employee of yours actually, he really doesn't like Miss Steele, so he used his skills to find out some pretty nasty material shall we say, that I'm sure she doesn't want the press to get their hands on. He used to work in your IT department, guy by the name of Henry Johnson." _That fucker was using his access to sell SGE secrets to the highest bidder. That's why Ana fired the fucker._ "Anyway, he dug into her past for information he could use against her and I'm guessing you know what he found? You and the judicial system may have tried to bury her name regarding the court proceedings, but if you know where to look you can find just about anything." She says pulling out a manila envelope from her purse. "These are copies of everything I have found so far. Should you try to alert anyone, including Taylor or Gail or your father then we will know and everything we have will go public. I know what's in those files isn't exactly charming, but would she really want the world to know what happened because I have a feeling that if those came out they would be front page news. Oh, and I have to say that you have a lovely Rembrandt hanging in your home office." _Shit, shit, SHIT! How the hell can she know that? Henry was never in my home unless he hacked into my home security system? Fucker!_

 _End of Flashback._

* * *

I tested it, a few days after Emma appeared, I asked Taylor if he could look into Ana's past to make sure it was still secure and sure enough the moment Taylor left my office I got a call. A call to remind me of what would happen should I decide to tell anyone. I stopped sleeping in Ana's bed after that phone call, because I figured it would be safer for her if Emma thought I was distancing myself from Ana. But it's torture, I haven't had more than two hours sleep a night in the past few weeks because every time I have a nightmare only it's about Emma killing Ana. I know Ana isn't sleeping well either, the sheer volume of books she is getting through is telling me as much. But that isn't the only reason why I know, I can see it in her eyes, it's a look I haven't seen in years and it's killing me knowing that I'm the reason why.

* * *

 **September 2018 (1 month before the wedding)**

 **Still Christian's POV**

Emma shocked the shit out of me, informing me that we were getting engaged. Immediately I wanted to say no, say that the only girl I will ever agree to marry is Ana, but I can't. I have a plan to take Emma and Henry down, but I still need a month or so to complete it. If I could only have access to Taylor and my IT department then it would have been completed months ago but I don't and they're still watching everything I do, so progress is exceptionally slow because I have to be extremely cautious. So, I said yes to the engagement, so that she assumes I'm still playing along. The hardest thing about this is having to tell my family but the toughest is having to convince my Dad not to run a background check once again, and then we need to sort out the pre-nup that's giving her a ridiculous amount of _my_ money in the event of a divorce and that it's the right thing to do. _That is going to go over really well with my Dad! Not! I'm also wondering what Ana is thinking about this whole debacle? I miss being with her more than I can say._

Emma has been less of a grade A bitch around other people since the first night, she was reluctant but when she saw the calls and messages I got from my family she soon began to play along. Tonight, we are all going to the Mile-High Club for dinner. Mia has hired a new head chef to take over for her, as she just gave birth to baby Samantha Rose Kavanaugh last month. Just like her cousin that little girl has everyone including me wrapped around he little finger. It's Ana's birthday Monday and we are all going out to celebrate, this Sunday's dinner is being held at the club because that's where Ana wanted to go.

When Emma and I arrive at the club the first thing she does is tell everyone we're engaged, and it takes everything in me not to scream and punch something. _This is Ana's night and she deserve all the attention on her._ _Did I mention how much I hate this whole situation?_ Kate was quick to take the attention off of Emma and I and place it back on Ana by getting everyone to give Ana their presents. Kate and I may not have always gotten along but one thing I will always admire about her is her fierce loyalty when it comes to all those she loves. Kate's love for Ana has landed me in the hot seat more than once because of Emma's attitude towards Ana. Even though we have talked about it and Emma knows how my family feels about Ana, she still puts in a dig here and there that gets Kate all riled up and ready to throw the first punch. _Would I like to see her do it? Hell yes!_

Once we arrive back to my place Emma and I have the same fight we've been having since this whole thing started, which always ends the same way. Emma reminds me of the memory stick that she's blackmailing me with and then storms out. Taylor and Gail know something is not right. Their too astute not to notice, but every time they ask I just dismiss it. I'll tell Taylor but only when the time is right because as much as I'd love his help, I know that I can't tell him until absolutely necessary because if either Emma or Henry find out everything I have done in the last five months it will have been for nothing.

I'm abruptly woken by Taylor a little before three in the morning.

"Christian you need to wake up." He says gently shaking my shoulders.

"What did I have another nightmare?" I say sitting up.

"No, not this time. Sawyer called, it's Ana. She…" He says but before he has even finished his sentence I'm out the door and into Ana's apartment. Only to hear her screaming and crying hysterically. I rush towards the sounds trying to figure out what on earth is happening and where the fuck is Sawyer? When I get to her bedroom door Sawyer appears.

"I tried to wake her, but this time she won't, I've tried everything I normally do but this time she is just… getting worse." _This has happened before? Why the fuck didn't anyone tell me?_

I shove past Sawyer and into the room to see Ana in the bed. Shaking and screaming, she isn't using any words just screaming and crying. It breaks my heart to see her like this. I walk over to the bed, grab both her wrists and pin them to her hips so she doesn't hit me. Her screams quiet the moment I touch her wrists so now I can lean down to her ear.

"Ana, it's Christian. You're ok. You're safe. No one is going to hurt you. Follow the sound of my voice." I say as her movements slow and the shaking comes to a stop. "That's it Ana, come back to me. You're ok." I lean back because I know the moment she wakes she will shoot straight up and headbutt me and neither of us wants or needs that.

Sure enough she shoots straight up, looks at me and starts to cry. I release her wrists and pull her into my bare chest and rub her back not caring that she is caked in sweat.

"Hey, you're ok." I say into her hair, but her crying doesn't subside, so I begin to sing. Not caring if Sawyer is still in the room.

'I remember tears streaming down your face when I said I'll never let you go  
When all those shadows almost killed your light  
I remember you said don't leave me here alone  
But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight

Just close your eyes, the sun is going down  
You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now  
Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound

Don't you dare look out your window, darling everything's on fire  
The war outside our door keeps raging on  
Hold onto this lullaby even when the music's gone

Just close your eyes, the sun is going down  
You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now  
Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound

Just close your eyes, you'll be alright  
Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound.'

Once her cries subside, she pulls back and looks up at me like she can't quite believe that I'm here.

"How are you feeling?" I ask.

"Shitty and sweaty. Sorry." She says pulling completely out of my arms.

"Don't apologise I don't care if you are."

"I'm sorry for waking you up too. I take it Sawyer couldn't?"

"Don't be and yeah he tried. He said this has happened before, why didn't you or anyone tell me you were having nightmares again?"

"Because I'm not."

"Then what the fuck was that?" I point to the bed behind her.

"I don't know, that's the problem. I can't remember what they're about. The moment I wake up, it's gone. I'm just terrified."

"Still, why didn't anyone tell me?"

"Because there is nothing you can do. I've tried therapy and other sleep treatments. Nothing works. It's ok, Sawyer only has to wake me once a week, other than that I usually wake up on my own."

"That's not really the point though is it?"

"I don't really see your point." She says shrugging.

"I just would have like to have known that's all."

"But like I said there's nothing you can do." _I could've been here, I should've been here. If I was here she wouldn't be having them._

"Still, are you ok?"

"Yeah, go back to bed with your fiancée." _She doesn't sleep with me._ I should tell her that, I _want_ to tell her that, but I can't, I don't know how to. How do I tell her that without allowing her to question why? The why, I can't tell her because I'm not allowed to.

I return to my bed and think to myself just another month and I can get back in her bed and stop all her pain, and mine. _Just one more month._

* * *

 **The song that Christian sung to Ana, was 'Safe and Sound by Seth Layne Acapella male cover' in on YouTube.**

 **The next chapter will be the wedding and then we'll be caught up to the end of the prologue. That chapter will be from Ana's POV only, the following chapter will be from Christian's POV. Then we'll see where we go from there?**

 **Thanks, as always for reading. Please leave a review and let me know your thoughts.**

 **FearfullyBrave.**

 **Just in case it isn't clear Emma is threating to tell the world what Morton did to Ana and Christian is cooperating so that Ana doesn't have to explain the abuse to the world.**


	14. Chapter 13

**Ok so I lied this will be Christian's POV then Ana's. Inspiration hit me hard, so I had to go with the flow.**

* * *

 **Friday 19th October 2018 (The day before the wedding)**

 **Christian's POV**

At last, I've put the final parts of my plan into action. It's taken the better part of six months to get here but it _has_ finally all come together. Last week Ana, the entire executive team as well as myself had our yearly retreat, the timing of that occasion presenting itself at that time was exactly what I needed, and I took full advantage of the opportunity. For one weekend every October we would all get away, regroup and brainstorm. This year we were going to a small resort with quaint cabins by Mount St. Helens. It was barely five miles from civilization yet isolated non the less. We were completely out of cell phone range, no internet, which also meant no Wi-Fi service. Taylor and the rest of the security team were less than pleased about that, but it was exactly what I needed. There were also no security cameras nor was there a state of the art security system in place, so there was nothing for Henry to hack into. In a word it was _perfect_.

* * *

 _Flashback._

Taylor and I are out for our morning run but this time I know there is no way for them to track me, no listening devices and no cameras. We are running along a hiking trail, when I abruptly stop in the middle of a clearing, positive no one is following us.

"Jason, I need your help." At the mention of his first name, Taylor instantly knows something wrong. In the almost 4 years he has worked for me I don't think I have ever used his first name.

"What's wrong?" He says with concern evident on his face.

"It's Emma, she has something on Ana, and she is using it to blackmail me."

"That explains a lot. What exactly does she have?"

"Emma has files on Steven Morton."

"Husband number 2?" He asks.

"Yeah, I paid to have those files buried, but evidently not deep enough. Emma has them and is threatening to go to the press with them if she doesn't get what she wants."

"How exactly did she find the files?"

"She got the files from her _friend_ Henry Johnson."

"The fucker from the IT department?"

"Yes, the one that Ana fired. He's hacked into the security system at both SGE and Escala."

"I'm guessing that's why it's taken you this long to say something."

"Yes, they've been watching my every move. That's why I chose this place for the retreat because I knew they wouldn't be aware if I told you everything here."

"What exactly do they want?"

"They want money, but they want it without a paper trail hence the marriage."

"What are you not telling me?"

"I have a plan. I have hard copies of every file she has, but she keeps copies on a memory stick on her necklace, that she never takes off. I wish I could say that she takes it off when she showers but I wouldn't know because she has never spent the night. But I know she will have to take it off for the wedding because there's no way she can wear it with her dress, and she won't have a purse to put it in. Over the past few months I have recorded all our conversations whenever possible, to use against her when the time comes. I also believe there are other copies of the files elsewhere. The plan I have won't work if I have to do it alone because I can't be in two places at once."

"I take it that's where I come in?"

"Yes, it's why I've moved up the wedding because I couldn't take it anymore. I'm done with this façade, the lies and the games, it needs to end and it needs to end now. I have a plan, but I need your help for it to work."

 _End of flashback._

* * *

Once I convinced Taylor that there was no other way to take both Emma and Henry down at the same time, he got on board as I knew he would. The reason it has taken so long for me to actually put my plan into action was because of that damn necklace Emma wears, she almost never takes it off. We have been to several events in the past few months and while she takes it off when she can't conceal it under her dress, she always has a clutch with her that she puts it in. I had all the other parts in place for when I needed them, but it was that one detail I couldn't make fit it wasn't until she mentioned marriage that it hit me. When you are wearing a wedding dress you cannot have a necklace that clashes, or a clutch when you walk down the aisle, it's kind of fitting really that her greed will ultimately be the reason I can take her down.

I remember talking to Barney the head of my IT department, that there was a way to tell if copies of files were made from a drive. _Funny how that information stuck in my head._ I knew that if I could get that drive to Barney and Henry's computer he could tell if there were, but I had to be careful not to tip them off, because if there were other copies and that got out it would be devastating for Ana, hence the plan came into play. I had to make doubly sure that I was the only one with any copies and then I would have Barney make sure that _that_ information on Ana was never found again.

My plan has to take place during the wedding but seeing as I will have to be present during the ceremony, I need Taylor and his teams' expertise to put the rest of my plan in place while I keep an eye on Emma. Taylor and his team will take down Henry and get all of the files he has, while I'm at the wedding, then once I get the conformation that all the files are secure I'm going to take Emma down in the middle of the ceremony. _It will be spectacular._ Once everything is over I can finally tell the girl I love how I feel.

* * *

 **Ana's POV (a few hours before the prologue.)**

I'm wearing a stunning floor length lavender bridesmaid's dress and even if I don't want to admit it, this dress is beautiful. I would love nothing more than to hate the dress, but I don't, it really is gorgeous, which only makes be hate this whole situation even more. I keep asking myself how I ended up here, a bridesmaid at Christian's wedding. But I know exactly how, he asked, and I said yes. The night after they told us they were engaged, I got shitfaced with the girls from work. I would have rather gotten shitfaced with Kate and Mia, but I couldn't because Kate's pregnant and Mia is still breastfeeding, so she can't drink either. It seemed pointless to drag them out for the sheer purpose of getting wasted, almost like rubbing it in their faces that they couldn't drink. It was my 26th birthday and it sucked, I was and am miserable. I just wanted to curl up in the arms of the one person who makes me feel safe and loved, because even though he doesn't know it he's the reason I feel like this.

So here I stand in this dress, waiting to get my hair done before I walk down the aisle towards the man I love, but I'm not going to be the one standing next to him and I'm not the one he's going to marry today. _The irony is not lost on me._ I've had a smile plastered on my face because I know if I don't keep it on me I _will_ lose it and breakdown spectacularly. I can't let that happen until he leaves for the honeymoon. _Then all bets are off_. Kate, Mia and Grace keep asking me if I am ok. All I want to say is 'Do I fucking look ok?' but every time they ask I just say 'yes' and nothing else. I can't tell them 'no' because then I would have to say why and then I will lose it and that is just not an option.

"Ana it's your turn." Kate yells from the foyer of the castle. Last night I slept in my old room, for the first time _ever_ , despite the fact I lived here for nearly two years, I never once slept in that room, in my own bed. Actually, sleeping in there just made me cry all the more. I slept for a little under three hours before I woke up screaming with Grace holding me. She just held me while I cried and in that moment, I missed my parents more than ever, which just made me feel worse and cry more because Christian is getting married today and my parents should be here and they're not. I cried until I couldn't anymore, and Grace then proceeded to ask me what I was dreaming about. Trying to explain to Grace that I didn't know what I had dreamt about was hard, because I don't remember. It's like when you wake up knowing you were just dreaming but you can't remember the actual dream. For most people it's a pleasant dream, for they wake up calmly, for me it's different, I wake up terrified because it's the nightmare I can't remember. Maybe its illogical, but it still doesn't change the fact that I don't remember or the way I feel when I do wake up.

"Hey, where do you want me?" I ask the stylists, they point to a chair in the middle of the room, I slowly walk over and sit down.

"How are you doing Ana?" Grace asks me once again, each time it's become harder and harder not to snap. _Do not snap at Grace!_

"Ok." I reply tersely.

Kate, Mia and Grace all look at me speculatively, so I immediately strike up a conversation with the stylists to get them to leave me alone.

* * *

Arriving at the church, Kate, Mia and I get out of one limo and Emma gets out of another. As much as it pains me to admit it, she does look good in her dress, which just makes me want to cry again. _Keep it together, Steele._ Last night the guys all stayed at Escala in both mine and Christian's apartments, so all the guys got their own rooms. This church is one of those churches from the movies, it's in the middle of a thousand-acre estate. The whole wedding is like something out of a fairy-tale. Once we are all out of the limos, the security move them out of the way to return after the ceremony, to the right of the church is a large carpark filled with all the guest cars.

"You ready Emma?" Mia asks politely. I keep telling everyone to be nice to her because she is going to be family, no one and I do mean no one likes her because she's a complete bitch but if you are going to have to spend your holidays with her then you need to be on semi friendly terms. _Right?_

"Yes. Let's do this." She says with a sincere smile, but I can tell it's anything but. _What the hell is that all about?_ Does she not want to marry Christian? _Keep dreaming, Steele._

Mia is the first to walk down the aisle followed but Kate and then me. As I begin my walk, I lock eyes with Christian, but I know I shouldn't, so I look away and instead scan the crowd for familiar faces. I find friends, colleagues and business associates but the one face I expect to see and don't is Taylor's. S _trange?_ I decide to not dwell on it and keep walking till I reach the altar. I take my place and keep repeating _four and half hours to go._ I need to focus on that.

The processional music plays as Emma beings to walk down the aisle and everyone turns to look at her. I can feel my heart starting to race and the all too familiar tightening in my chest begins. _This cannot happen now! I cannot and will not have a panic attack in front of this many people_! I tell myself trying to quiet the noise in my head, the pounding in my ears and the beating in my chest. The minister is talking but I couldn't for the life of me tell you what he was saying if someone asked. I'm doing everything I can _not_ to give in to my body's need to collapse. I just want to run, to be free of everything, but I can't, my feet are glue to the floor, I can't move. The pounding in my ears is getting louder, the noise around me sounds like it's a million miles away, the edge of my vision is starting to blur. _I can't breathe._

"If anyone can show just cause why these two should not be married today, speak now or forever hold your peace." But this time it doesn't sound like it is coming from far away but like someone is shouting it directly in my ear.

I open my mouth to say something, but I can't I just stand there catching flies. I am stuck in a nightmare, I can't wake up from. The love of my life is marrying someone else. Despite the fact that I have known this for over a month it's like my brain is just registering it now. I feel a tear drop land on my right collar bone, I don't know how it slipped down my face unnoticed. This makes the constriction in my chest turn into full-blown pins and needles, the pounding in my ears is now painful and my head is now throbbing. _I can't breathe!_ It feels like my throat is closing up. I drop the bouquet to the floor, but I don't hear the dull thud over the whooshing in my ears. I claw at my neck trying to find a way to breathe, I rip the locket holding my parents' pictures off my neck and I clinks as it connects with the stone beneath my feet, but I don't hear it.

Before I can register what I'm doing, my feet are moving of their own accord down the aisle towards the double height, intricately carved wooden doors at the end of the aisle leading to the outdoors. I can't hear my heels hitting the floor beneath me over the thundering of my blood as it rushes through my ears. My hands collide with the doors pushing them open with everything thatI have in me, as they open the October breeze hits my face cooling me instantly. I take a deep breath in as I make it outside and down the four stairs in front of the church, only then does my brain register that we are in the middle of nowhere and I have no car, no keys, no phone, no nothing. My knees finally buckle, and I fall onto them with thud into the dirt below me.

"Anastasia!" I hear from behind me as the cries escape me, as I process what I have just done. One hand flies to my mouth to cover the sound of my now uncontrollable sobs, and the other encircles my waist in an attempt to comfort myself.

It feels like an eternity but what can't be more than a minute or two since I ran out of the church. I feel hands under my armpits as I'm pulled to my shaky feet and into a chest. I don't dare open my eyes because I know that even though I want it to be him, it won't be, it will be Elliot because he can't and won't leave her alone at the altar. I can feel a hand rubbing my back as I continue to cry into his chest both hands now covering my eyes, I can hear what sound like my name and it's ok being said in my ear but its muffled by my sobs. I can't stop crying even though my subconscious is screaming _STOP,_ it's not until I feel the hands around my back release do I finally breathe and gain some control over breathing.

The hands once behind me are now on the sides of my head pulling me away from his chest but my vision is glued to the ground. He tips my head and only then do I realise that _is_ Christian standing in front of me, not Elliot.

"Ana what on earth is wrong? Why are you crying? Why did you run out of the church?" Christian says but once again I'm paralyzed and speechless.

I open my mouth and all that come out is an "I…" nothing else no 'love you don't marry her marry me.' Just silence.

He bends down and plants his lips into my forehead and right then and there I realise that if I ever want to say anything to him and tell him how I feel about him, that it's now or never. _It's not like I have anything left to lose?_

But this time when I open my mouth, I say, "You're supposed to be getting married." Completely deadpan. Not at all what I wanted to say but it's the truth, just not the one I wanted out there. He looks completely shocked, not what he expected to come out of my mouth. _Yeah you and me both buddy._

"And your supposed to be standing there with me. So, if this is a breakdown you picked a hell of a time to have one." He half laughs. "So, Anastasia I will ask again what happened in there? You were fine and then you just turned and ran?"

He pulls a handkerchief out of his tux jacket and hands it to me. Only then do I realised that my makeup must have run, and I most likely look like a panda and I must be covered in snot. _Attractive. Pull your shit together Ana and fucking tell the boy you love him._

"I love you."

"I love you too Ana. But that doesn't answer my questions, what happened?" He doesn't understand what I mean. _So fucking tell him you coward!_ My subconscious retorts.

"NO, I mean I'M _**IN**_ LOVE WITH YOU."

He doesn't say anything he just stares at me blankly like he can't quite comprehend what I'm telling him.

"I'm in love with you, hopelessly, irretrievably, in love with _you_. And I can't do this anymore." I can feel my voice breaking but I continue. "I can't pretend that I'm ok when I'm miserable beyond belief. I can't pretend that it doesn't hurt every time I see you two together. I can't do this anymore." I say pointing between us as the tears stream down my face. "I have tried, and I have tried and it's just killing me. I love you _but_ if she makes you happy, if she's the one for you, if she's going to make your life wonderful and if she's the one person you can't live without, then I'll go back in that church and put a smile on my face, stand by you and tell happy go lucky stories at the reception. I'll tell the world how you two were meant to be because if you're happy then I _will_ find a way to be happy for you. So, Christian is she the one for you? Does she make you feel alive?" I say bordering on full hysteria. I'm not sure if even I actually believe what I am saying?

Christian's hands fall from my face and he just stares at me. His eyes are boring directly into mine as my heart rate spikes. I know he must be able to hear it because it's deafening to me. I'm standing waiting for him to say something, do something _anything_ but he just stands there unmoving just staring. So, we stand there in silence staring at each other motionless with his hands at his sides and mine knotted together in front of me clutching the soaked handkerchief. I'm begging him with my eyes to say something but still he just stares and the minutes feel like an eternity.

So, I turn around to think I need space because the one thing I swore I would never do, was to tell him how I feel, and I just did and he doesn't do or say anything, ANYTHING. Only once I'm turned facing the church do I see Grace, Carrick, Kate, Mia, Ethan and Elliot standing there on the steps with about the same look on their faces as Christian. _You really know how to pick a moment Ana. Fucking genius if you ask me, you've had how long to say all that to him and you pick NOW?_

I'm staring at them and they all offer sympathetic smiles. I can feel my checks heating up out of sheer embarrassment. I thank God that there weren't more wedding guests standing there because this couldn't get any more mortifying. So, I turn back around to face him but the moment I do he gives me a look I can't quite place and takes off running up the steps past his family. I stare in complete and utter befuddlement right along with his family.

I can't do this, I can't stand here and be humiliated any longer. So, I run up to Elliot and hold my hand out, he just stares at me not quite getting what I mean, so I say "Keys, Please."

"Ana where are you gonna go?" Elliot answers.

"I don't know. Anywhere but here because I just ruined the love of my life's wedding for what? So I could tell him _I love him,_ and for him not say it back to me, only to go back into the church to marry the woman he actually loves. Excuse me if I don't wanna stick around for that because he didn't even answer me or even acknowledge me and if he had told me that he didn't love me that would be ok, but he doesn't even care enough to tell me to my face so why should I go back in there. If he would've at least had the decency to tell me, then I would be there for him, even if I was humiliated but because I love him that much and I would do anything for him, but he's now made it all too clear, he doesn't feel that way about me. So, I can't stand in there and pretend to be happy for someone who clearly doesn't give a fuck about me. Sorry Grace." I apologise for swearing because I know she hates it. "So, Elliot give me the damn keys! I want to leave here and if we weren't in the middle of fucking nowhere I would walk and get a cab, but I can't because we are. Please." I implore him with a look that says don't make this day any worst for me than it already it is.

"Ana you may be family and I may love you but if you damage that car even slightly I will inflict bodily harm." Elliot jokes to lighten the mood earning thwack from Grace to the back of the head but I know he's serious, he loves that car almost as much as he loves Kate.

"Ana darling, I understand so go, but promise me you will call me later ok?" Grace says pulling me into a rib breaking hug, for such a gentle woman her hugs are deadly. "Elliot give the girl your keys." Elliot hand me his keys begrudgingly.

"Thanks, I love you guys." I say as I hug them all and take off running towards the carpark, keys in hand.

"We love you too." But I don't respond, I just keep running till I hit the car, I jump inside, yank off my heels, throwing them into the passenger seat. Adjusting the seat into position and turn the key as I throttle it out of the carpark. As I reach the gates of the estate I see Sawyer, he looks so confused. _I can't say I blame him, I'_ _m not entirely sure what just happened myself._

"Ana, what happened?" He asks.

"I don't want to talk about, just get in."

"Do you want me to drive?"

"No, I need to drive, and before you ask, I know I look like shit. Don't ask because I'm not telling and if Taylor or anyone calls I'm at the office. Ok?"

"Ok." He says unconvincingly but I know he'll do what I ask even if he's in a quandary as to the reason why.

I know I'm exceeding the speed limit, not that I care, my heart hurts, it physically hurts, more than anything I've ever known. I have the windows open to try and feel something and the music is blaring some rock crap to try and drown out my thoughts. Not that it's helping. Sawyer is holding onto the door with enough force to turn his knuckles white, but he hasn't said a word. _Good boy._

I don't know where I'm going but I just keep driving, down wide country lanes. Until, I see a corner store, I pull up outside. I walk inside, and Sawyer follows. I ask for a bottle of Sambuca. Only to get a funny look from the store clerk. Then I remember that my makeup or rather my mascara has run from crying, I must look like a panda and I'm in a dress that has mud all up the front and I have no shoes on. _What a sight you are._

"It's been a long shitty day, so the liquor, that massive bag of chips and the biggest bag of chocolate you've got too, please." I would ask for ice cream, but I don't know where I am or where I'm going and the last thing I want is to ruin Elliot's baby. It's what he calls the car on a regular basis.

He hesitates for a few seconds checking me over and then proceeds to grab me a bottle of Sambuca, the chips and the chocolate and the proceeds to say the food is on the house because I look like I could use it. I'm in no mood to argue so Sawyer pays for the Sambuca and we get back in the car and continue to drive. It's not until I see Seattle come into view that it dawns on me that I'm driving home.

* * *

Once we arrive I put the food down, grab the bottle, unscrew the top and start chugging, relishing the burn as I swallow, as it means I feel something other than the pain in my chest. Sawyer leaves me after giving me a hug and heading to his quarters. I strip off my dress and lacy matching underwear set, remove all the bobby pins from my hair and hop in the shower to wash away the degrading, demoralising day I've had.

Once out of the shower, I dry and moisturise my body and get into a pair of sweats and an oversized hoodie, forgoing underwear because quite frankly I don't give a fuck. I tie my damp hair into a messy bun on top of my head. I wander out into the living room, open the chips and turn on the TV to find the most mundane shit I can and settle for an episode of Keeping Up with Kardashians. I would read but I'm not sure if I could concentrate for long enough to read a page let alone a whole book right now. I stuff my face with chocolate and chips until I feel sick, I sit on the sofa and even though I want to cry and scream, I can't, I'm too pissed. _How could he do that to me? Do I not deserve a response? Asshole!_

* * *

 **A few hours later.**

I hear movement behind me, I turn around expecting to see Ros or Sawyer but instead, standing there, in a now dishevelled tux, is Christian.

"What the fuck do you want?" I ask not moving from my spot on the couch.

* * *

 **Did everything go as planned?**

 **Thank you as always for the favorites and follows. Please leave a review I love hearing what you think. (Even if I terrified to read them.)**

 **I hope to get the next chapter up in a day or two, but I make no promises.**

 **FearfullyBrave.**

 **If you want to see Ana's dress I have a pintrest. Search FearfullyBrave or for the board nothing more than friends.**


	15. Chapter 14

**I'd just like to say that I'm British and I know my writing and spelling is a combination of both British and American English. I so hope that you're enjoying it and don't mind the mixture of two. Also if there are spaces missing between words that is because FF doesn't like to play ball with word, i can't always spot them all.**

 **So I think it might be time to earn this story it's M rating. There will be a lemon in this chapter so if that offends you don't read.**

* * *

 **Ana's POV**

I hear movement behind me, I turn around expecting to see Ros or Sawyer but instead, standing there, in a now disheveled tux, is Christian.

"What the fuck do you want?" I ask not moving from my spot on the couch.

"Ana I…" He starts but I cut him off.

"What Christian come to tug at my heart strings?" I say standing up from the couch and turning to face him.

"Say you're sorry for being an asshole?" I say throwing cushions at his head, but he just keeps dodging them. _Fucker!_

"Well unlucky for you, you can't pull at my heart strings anymore there are none left. You saw to that this afternoon." I say throwing another cushion which he also ducks to avoid. _Urgh!_

"You broke my heart, for what? A sense of pride because I was God damn fucking serious when I said, if you told me you loved her, then I would have gone back in there and apologized for running out like that. My make-up ruined or not. I would have stood by your side because that how much I loved you." I throw another one at him and that misses.

"But no, you walked away without a single fucking word, you prick." Throwing another, which he avoids too.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? I told you I was in love with you and you say what? Nothing? How is that ok? How exactly?" I say walking over to him and I shove his chest with everything I have but he barely moves. _Screw him being ripped._ "I guess she really has changed you, hasn't she? Because the guy I knew, the guy who found me and picked me up off the sidewalk, who pushed aside his issues to protect a girl he didn't even know. Wouldn't have even been capable of what you did today. I don't even know who you are anymore." I say as a tear slips down my cheek. _Damn it._

"Are you done?" He asks. _Seriously?_

"Am I done. No, I'm not fucking done you broke my heart so could you please just leave? Where is your _wife_ anyway?" I spit.

"She's not my wife, and never will be. That was never going to happen."

"What the fuck are you talking about? Was I not just at a church where you were up at the alter with Emma in a wedding gown? Or did I somehow end up in an alternate universe? Don't guys who propose to girls usually marry them?"

"I didn't propose." _Sure, you didn't._

"Liar! I saw the ring."

"You saw _a_ ring, but _I_ didn't propose." _Really just keep lying, because that's really going to fix whatever this is._

"Then why were you at the church getting married?"

"So, I could protect you."

"Protect me from what Christian? The only one I needed protection from today was you."

"Ana will just shut the fuck up and listen to me for a minute." He yells, causing me to take a step back.

"Fine sixty seconds starting now."

"I don't love Emma, I never have. Let me make that perfectly clear before I continue. The night after James broke up with you, I went to a bar to find some faceless chick to fuck, so I could forget about the fact that you loved James. It wasn't until today that I realized that you never loved him. That night I came to your apartment, I overheard you talking to Kate, I didn't mean to eavesdrop. You were both on the couch. I heard you say how much you loved _him_. I thought you were talking about James when you said that, but you weren't you were talking about me, but I didn't know that at the time and thought you were talking about James." _OMG! He heard me talking with Kate that night._

"But I…" I interrupt but he stops me.

"Just listen. Please?" I nod. "That night at the bar Emma came over to my table. I thought she wanted to hook up but I couldn't because she looked so much like you and that wouldn't make me forget about you loving James. But she didn't, she handed me an envelope instead filled with files on Husband Number 2 and everything that happened before I met you. She wanted a relationship of sorts and money in return for her silence and assurance that the files wouldn't be leaked to the media. I would have gotten Taylor involved that night, but she mentioned the Rembrandt that I have in my home office and that's not common knowledge. That's when it became obvious they had hacked into the security system at Escala, so they could see and hear everything. Plus, she wore a damn thumb drive around her neck which had those files on it, that she taunted me with every time I would try and defy her. "

"They?"

"Emma and Henry Johnson." _That rat bastard._ "At first, she just wanted money here and there for clothes and crap like that, so I gave her a black Amex card. Then she mentioned that she wanted to get married with a pre-nup that gave her a ridiculous amount of money when we divorced. What she didn't know was that she unwittingly gave me the tools for their undoing. I had this plan in place, but I couldn't do it on my own and I needed to get that damn necklace off of her."

"Why not when she slept?" I ask raising an eyebrow.

"Because she has never slept over, the only woman I have ever and will ever share a bed with is you Ana. I'm so sorry she told everyone about the _engagement_ at your birthday, if I had known I never would have let her do it. I however, was the one who wanted to move the wedding up because I knew I would be able to get Taylor on board when we were on the company retreat. I'm sure you remember there was no internet service there. That was the only time I was able to speak to Taylor about what was going on and get him on board because Henry couldn't track me there and overhear us. Before you ask, no I couldn't have told you because if I had told you what Emma was doing, you would have told me to let her go to the media and I couldn't let that happen. The day I met you, I promised you, that you would always be safe, especially with me and I have kept that promise for the last fifteen years and I don't plan on breaking that promise any time soon, if ever."

 _He never shared a bed with her?_

"I knew the wedding would be their downfall because I knew she couldn't wear that necklace with her wedding dress. You see, whenever we went to a function together she would put the necklace in her clutch if it didn't match what she was wearing. There would be no clutch to hold at the wedding. I also knew that Henry wouldn't be watching me too closely, since their plan was already in motion. After I had spoken to Taylor he put our plan in play. He had put together teams, each one had a goal, one would get to Henry and his computer, one would go to Emma's place, while Taylor and a few of his team went to the castle to find the necklace with the memory stick. Knowing neither of them would even have a clue as to what was about to happen. If you had just given me fifteen minutes, then all of this would have been over. I would have told you that I was and I still am _in love_ with you Anastasia. I always have been."

 _Christian's in love with me?_ "Why did you just walk away from me outside of the church?"

"At first, I was in shock, never in a million years did I think that following you out of the church would have led to such a declaration of love. I know it's not an excuse for what I did but if I had told you how I felt. I would've kissed you right then and there. I would've forgotten the reason for the wedding in the first place and run off with you into the sunset. I had to go back inside to finish the plan and not five minutes after you left I got the call from Taylor telling me that it was done, that his teams and the police had Henry, that all of the documents were safe and there were no other copies. I also destroyed Emma and told everyone in the whole church who she really was. You would have enjoyed the theatrics had you stayed, when she was cuffed, arrested and led out to the squad car. My father is going to call in some favors and insure that they both go away for a long, long time."

"If that happened right after I left, then why are you just here now? What took you so long?"

"Because I had to make sure the police had my full statement. I had to make sure that nothing was left to chance and that all the evidence we had on them was admissible. I had to make sure you were safe." He says closing the distance between us.

"You still hurt me."

"I know and for that I'm truly sorry, but you have to know that I only did it to protect you. Please forgive me." He's now directly in front of me, so close are bodies are touching. _Damn it!_ It's so hard to stay mad at him. _Urgh! Have some self-control Steele!_

"I'm still mad at you." Even I can hear that it doesn't have conviction.

"I'm in love with you Anastasia." Just those words alone make me want to kiss him. I hate how he has this much power over me and nothing has even happened. _Yet!_

"I'm in love with you too but what if that isn't enough?" _What if we fail and I lose my best friend?_

"Like hell it isn't enough! I was in love with you, even before I knew what love was. I know everything about you. Like the fact that even though there is a bottle of your favorite liquor on the table right now you haven't drunk enough to get tanked even with the events of today because even if you _were_ mad at me, you wouldn't let yourself get that out of control, even if you are a bit buzzed, you aren't drunk. Or that you are watching TV right now and not reading because you are too worked up to read. Or that you have read so many books in the last six months you may have cut down a whole tree, and the only reason you have had to do that is because you haven't been sleeping because I haven't been there for you and for that reason alone, you'll never know how truly sorry I am."

"More than anything, I want my best friend back."

"You think I don't want that too? Ana, I miss lazy Sunday afternoons before we go home, where we just sit and play cards or watch a movie. I miss talking to you at lunch, I miss our nightly conversations about nothing over dinner. I miss waking up to you, I miss going to sleep with you. I miss having to peel you off me in the mornings because you have wrapped around me like a vine. I miss your smile. I miss your laugh. I miss your morning breath. I miss your cooking. I just miss you. I know all of that is my fault, but I did it too protect you and I would do it again even if you hate me because I would do anything to protect you."

"I don't hate you, I could never hate you. I miss you too."

"I love you so much it hurts."

"I love you too."

"Do you still want me to go?" He asks as he lowers his head, so his lips are mere inches about mine.

"No." I whisper before pulling him into a kiss that starts off slow but the moment his tongue touches my lips asking for entry it become something entirely different. This is a kiss that shows me just how much he loves me and right now I couldn't give a fuck about the fact that he left me at the church, because I know he didn't do it out of malice, he did it out of love. Because he's right if he had told me what was going on, I would have gone to the media myself and if he had told me he loved me outside of the church, we would have kissed, I would have thrown myself at him and he would have forgotten all about Emma, Henry and their plan. The world around ceases to exist, right now.

His hands start in my hair but are slowly working their way down my body, and with each movement he is pulling my body closer to his. _Like that's possible_. This isn't any kiss, I can feel this kiss through my entire body. This kiss alone is making me weak at the knees. We both reluctantly pull away needing to catch our breaths.

"Wow." He says looking into my eyes.

"I know. If had known our first kiss was going to be like that I would have done that a _long_ time ago."

"Why didn't you ever say anything? Why did you wait until today to tell me how you felt?"

"I could ask you the same thing, you know? I guess the main reason was because I was too afraid to lose you. Because if I told you, I thought it would ruin our friendship. I didn't want to ruin what we had. Your family is my family, one of my best friends is married to your brother and the other is your little sister. Where would I be if I ruined us? I thought I would lose you all? But in the end, I did tell you and I was devastated when you ran away."

"I've already explained to you why I did it and you could never lose me no matter what or _our_ family. They love you as one of their own too." He says pulling me back into another scorching kiss, that ends with both of his hands grasping my behind, forcing me to feel his hard on, right up against my clit.

He pulls away and looks into my eyes, silently asking if I want this as badly as he does? _Of course, I do._ I immediately I reach up placing my arms around his neck, which makes him pick me up and start walking towards my bedroom. The entire time we don't break eye contact. I should be scared he is going to walk into something, but I trust him and realize we can probably both walk around each other's apartments blindfolded.

Once we are inside the bedroom he lowers me to the floor, and his hands once again find my hair pulling it out of the way, granting him access to my neck. My head lulls to the side as he peppers kisses down the side of my neck and at the top of my shoulder pushing the hoodie aside. Once he reaches he edge of my shoulder, he works his way back up when he reaches the spot being my ear and sucks, my knees buckle and we both fall onto the bed. He pulls my hoodie over my head and resumes his assault, working his way down my body.

"Do you have any idea how many times I have imagined what your skin tastes like? Delicious by the way." He says as he reaches the swell of my right breast. "I've wondered what your pebbled nipple would feel like against my tongue." Sucking my right nipple and flicking his tongue across it. "I wonder if I could make you come like this? Do you think I can?" He asks peppering kisses across my breasts until he reaches my left nipple, but when I don't answer he proceeds to bites my nipple and I gasp. "Do you Anastasia?"

"I don't know." It's the truth but fuck me if this doesn't feel incredible.

"Well, I think I can." He says as he continues to lick and suck the left as he thumbs the right.

"Ahh." I moan, I can feel myself building, faster than I ever have before.

"Don't hold back. Come for me." Fuck that's all it takes for me to shatter.

"Fuck." I hear him chuckle. _Smug bastard._

"Do you have any idea how gorgeous you look when you come?" He asks and it brings tears to my eyes to know that he knew _not_ to call me beautiful.

"I love you so much."

"I love you so much too baby." Fuck, if him calling me baby doesn't have me ready to come again.

"Say it again." I say as he leaves a trail of kisses down my stomach.

"Say what? I love you?" He says but I know he knows what I mean.

"No. Not that but never stop telling me." I pant as he reaches the top of my sweats.

"What? Baby?" _Fuck. That's hot!_

"Yes."

"Anything you want, baby." _Fuck._ "I am going to make you come again. Do you think you can?" He says sliding my sweats down my legs as he throws them blindly behind him. He starts at my left ankle leaving a trail of kisses up my calf and when he reaches the base of my inner thigh I can't think straight. I'm starting to writhe beneath him wanting him to get to where I need him most.

"Mmmhmm." I murmur as he reaches just below my sex.

"That's not an answer." He says as he pulls away and starts repeating the same steps on the right ankle working his way up again.

"Maybe." I whisper, too wrapped up in what he's doing.

"More like it but I think we can do better than that." He says as he reaches my sex planting kisses all around that area yet never making contact here I actually really need him too.

"Yes, ok? I said yes, now stop teasing me." I whine, I should be embarrassed but I'm too turned on to care.

"That's more like it." He says as he finally kisses my clit.

"Fuck." I moan.

"You like that?" He asks against my most sensitive area.

"Yes." I say reaching down and running my fingers through his hair, when he sucks on my clit with his lips, I scratch his scalp as he moans against my sex. So, I say "You like that?" This time mocking him.

"Yes." He says once again against my clit. _Fuck I'm so close._ He inserts a finger into to me and then another.

"Fuck, I'm gonna come." I scream and when he inserts a another. I shamelessly grind against his face looking for that extra friction I need. "Fuck." I scream as I orgasm for the second time in less than ten minutes. _Never done that before._

"You know I have always wondered what you tasted like when you came, so much better than I ever imagined." He says inserting one of the fingers that were inside me less than a minute ago into his mouth, making me blush. "Are you really going to blush after that? Here, try?" He says gently pushing one of those fingers into my mouth and I have to admit it's not bad.

"You know, I'm naked and you are still in your tux." I say pulling him in for a kiss, only to taste a mixture of both of us. "Let's fix that, shall we?" I say unbuttoning his shirt, all the while remaining lip locked with his body hovering above mine.

He sits up slightly pulling off his jacket and shirt, as I unbuckle his belt. I kneel up so we are closer in height, hard to do considering I'm five-foot nothing and he's six-foot two. Once I have his belt buckle and the button on his trousers undone, I let them fall to the floor. I pull him in for another kiss as my fingers fist his hair, his hands wander my body before settling on my breasts, teasing my nipples some more. I remove my hands from his hair and run them over his pecks and abs before working my fingers into the waistband of his underwear. Once I find what I am looking for his head falls back as I run my thumb over the head of his dick, collecting the precum already forming. I raise my thumb to my mouth tasting him, giving an appreciative moan. I push the sides of his boxer briefs down while sucking on his neck and throat.

I push him over so he his lying down, so I can fully remove his pants. However, when I get to his ankles I realize he is still wearing his shoes and socks, so I pull them off throwing them off to the side of the bed, not caring where they land. I kiss my way up alternating between each thigh and with each kiss I can see his cock twitch slightly. _Man, that's hot!_ When I reach his shaft, it suddenly hits me how big he actually is and I just stare at it for a moment.

"Bigger than you expected?" He asks raising and eyebrow.

"Yeah, I mean I woke up with it poking me in the back or side, but I never gave it much thought until right now." I giggle.

"Don't worry I'll fit."

"You better." I say making him chuckle, but he quiets the moment I start peppering kisses on the base of his shaft working my way up to the tip. When I reach the head, I swirl my tongue around it until I gradually start to take him into my mouth, every time taking him just a little bit further, but not as much as he wants, teasing him this time.

"Stop teasing me." He mumbles, making me giggle with him in my mouth, making his cock quiver. "Fuck." He groans which makes me take a little more of him.

He fists my hair in his hand trying to guide me but that's not _my_ plan. I continue ever so slowly to take him inch by inch, and then when have him all the way into my mouth and down my throat, he screams. _I wasn't sure he'd fit?_

"Fuck. Do you not have a gag reflex?" I shake my head no which makes him growl. I can tell he's trying not to come, so I run my teeth up and down his whole length, which makes him pull me off of him and flip me onto the mattress as he hovers above me. I pout. "Are you actually pouting because I wouldn't let you finish with that magnificent blowjob?" He says raising an eyebrow in mock anger.

"Well, yeah, I've already had two orgasms. You deserve at least one too."

"Don't look at me like that because that _is_ going to happen repeatedly because I plan on making you come fifteen times tonight."

"Why fifteen?"

"One for every year I've been in love with you." _Swoon._

"I don't even think I can come that many times."

"You can, and you will. It's only four in the afternoon, that gives us plenty of time." He says so instead of answering I pull him back down to kiss me. "Fuck, do I need a condom?"

"No. I'm clean."

"Me too. You still have the coil, right?"

"Yep." I say popping the 'p'.

That's all the encouragement he needs before he inches the head of his cock inside me and I'm instantly aware of how big he really is. Once he is fully sheathed inside me, I realize how different it feels, how different I feel, how different he feels, I feel… complete, whole. It's mind boggling to me that just feeling him inside me makes me feel like I'm on top of the world. He stills inside me and we stare into each other's eyes, it's like we're seeing each other for the first time and I guess in a way we are.

"Move please." I beg, needing to feel more.

"This is going to be hard and fast, but I'm going to stay buried inside of you until I'm hard again." His words alone make me clench. "Fuck." He groans at the feeling me tightening around him.

Every thrust sends a heated wave throughout my entire body, this is unlike anything I've ever experienced, this is more than just sex, this is…

His thrusts are relentless and in no time at all I feel myself barreling towards yet another climax. What's shocking to me is that I've never been able to come this easily in what I always considered the plain old missionary position no matter how hard or fast but right now I couldn't stop myself if I tried. _Nothing plain old here!_

"Don't stop." I moan into his neck, which just spurs him on more as his thrusts pick up speed. Like how is that even possible? I feel myself tightening and I know I'm going to explode.

"I feel you. Come for me, Anastasia." The way he says my name tips me over the edge, screaming his name, as I feel him swell inside me as he fills me with his cum. He collapses on top of me as we try to regulate our breathing.

Once our breathing returns to normal, he rolls over and lifts me so that we're face to face with our foreheads touching.

"That was…" I trail off not knowing how to finish my thought.

"It was." He says.

He leans in to kiss me, a kiss that starts softly but soon becomes _very_ heated. When he starts to harden again I'm acutely aware that he's still inside me, once I feel that he's almost completely hard again, I clench my walls around him making him groan.

"I'm going to make you come harder than ever before." He says looking directly into my eyes and then flips us over again. I don't think I can come harder than I have already have but I'm sure eager and willing to find out.

"Game on." I joke as he begins thrusting but this time he isn't just straight up thrusting he's rolling his hips, hitting different spots inside of me. It's almost like he's looking for something. I know what he's looking for and I hope he finds it most men don't care enough to bother or can't find it, but in the meantime, I'm immensely enjoying his exploration.

"Fuck." I scream as he hits that spot inside me that makes my walls clench instantaneously.

"Found it." I look up him in adoration. "That's it baby, now that I found your g-spot are you ready to come, hard?" He asks but his thrusts don't relent, and he is hitting my g-spot so hard it's making my eyes water.

I know he wants an answer, but I am too blissed out right now to let anything but whimpers escape my mouth. He knows it, which makes him smirk. I would be mad at him for his cockiness but he has every right to be cocky. He was making sure that I feel special and that I am enjoying every minute of our love making and I so am. I feel myself climbing but this feeling deep inside me is different from anything I have ever felt or experienced before. All of a sudden I detonate screaming what I think is a distorted version of his name as he continues to pound into me, until can't take anymore. I place my feet on his ass and push him until he is fully inside me. I dig my heels in, stilling him, so I can recover. I can't help but notice that he didn't come.

"How was that?" He says with the most ridiculous childish grin.

"I have _never_ come like that." I say as he wipes the tears now escaping my eyes.

"You haven't? You ready to come again?" _Is he crazy?_

"I don't think I can take another one of those." I say with a giggle.

"Are you sure?" He says flipping us so that I'm now on top of him.

"Yes, but you didn't come." I say with a pout. _That was my fault for digging my heals into his tush! You selfish hussy!_

"I wanted to make this extraordinary and that was for you."

"You accomplished that mission but I wanted you to come with me."

"Are you complaining?"

"Your bossy in bed. You know that?"

"I'll ask you again, are you complaining?"

"Fuck no, it's _sucha_ turn on."

"Then ride me."

"Yes, Sir." I say with a mock salute as I place my hands on his pecks and begin to grind against him. The way his pubic hair is now swiping across my already over sensitized clit, is making it tingle almost like it's numb. Each movement is bringing me closer towards yet another orgasm. _How is that even possible? I just had the most intense orgasm of my life not even five minutes ago?_ "What are you doing to me?" I ask.

"I don't know but I fucking love it because I love everything about you." That is all it takes for us to come together.

"I love you." I scream as I come.

I collapse onto his chest, with him still inside and listen to his gradually decreasing heartrate as I silently drift off. _Guess we'll have to continue tomorrow for him to get to fifteen and then on to infinity._

 **Thank you as always for reading. Please review even if I am terrified to read them.**

 **FearfullyBrave.**


	16. Chapter 15

**This chapter also contains several lemons so if you don't like them don't read.**

* * *

 **Around 7pm the evening of the wedding.**

 **Christian's POV**

I've just woken up and I instantly feel the warmth of Ana's body. She's right where she belongs, wrapped around me. She hasn't moved from the position we fell asleep in. After I got home, and we talked everything out, I made her mine. _My girl!_ It's been a hell of a long road to get here but we're finally here. For the first time since we started sleeping apart. I woke up without a nightmare and I don't feel exhausted. _God, I've missed her so fucking much these last six months._ She must sense that I'm awake because she shifts slightly making me instantly aware that I'm still inside her. _My new favourite place_. I could wake up like this every day and die a happy man.

I decide I'm going to give her a proper wake up call, so I flex my hips upwards, then I pull out leaving only my tip inside of her and then in one swift motion, I plunge deeply into her, filling her completely.

"Ahhh!" She moans clenching around me instantly. _Fuck! That feels good._

"Did I wake you up, baby?"

"Mmm, if you wake me up like that every day, I could get used to it. Then again we might never leave this bed." She says sitting up slightly and leaning into to kiss me. I know without a doubt that I'll never get tired of kissing her.

"Maybe I'll do just that." I say breaking our lip lock as she starts to grind against me.

"Then, I'll never again have a problem waking up again, if that's the case."

"Well then, I'll just have to repeat this every morning, won't I? Because we both know how _hard_ it is and how _lovely_ you are when I try to get your derrière out of bed."

"Yeah, well, that's your fault because you're so warm and comfy. But speaking of _hard_." She says as she begins to squirm on top of me and clench her muscles around my cock, damn if that doesn't make me want to come right then and there. _Have some self-control, Grey!_

I flip her over onto the mattress, in an effort to gain some control, which makes her squeal, but she stops the second I begin to dive into her.

"I think we can both agree, that I'm the one in charge?"

"Yes, Sir." She moans between erratic breaths. _God, I love the effect I have on her._

"It does things to me when you call me Sir."

"Should I stop then, _Sir?"_

"No." I say as I begin to roll my hips once again hitting her g-spot.

"Fuck." She screams.

"You like that?" I say between thrusts.

"No." She says as her walls start to flutter.

"Liar."

"Maybe."

"Want me to stop?"

"No. Don't you dare." She whines as she detonates around me and this time the sight of her completely coming apart is too much, and I detonate with her.

"Fuck." As I roll off of her, she winces at the loss of me, so I pull her into my side, pulling her leg over mine. We just lay there for a while, not moving or talking, just being us. _How did I last six months without her?_

"How did it take us this long to finally do that?" She asks looking up at me with those beautiful blue eyes.

"I don't know, well, I do know because we were both too stupid to let the other one know our true feelings, but now that we do know, I'm never going to stop, ever!"

"True, but right now I need some food." She says as her stomach rumbles making us both laugh.

"I could give you something else to eat?" Wiggling my eyebrows.

"As tempting as that may be, I need real food, especially if you're going to keep your promise?"

"What promise is that, Anastasia?"

"To give me fifteen orgasms of course, and I'm holding you to it."

"Have I ever broken a promise to you?"

"No, so don't you dare start now."

"Wouldn't dream of it, _baby."_ I add emphasis on the last part making her moan appreciatively.

"Good, now come, I need some real food. I'm thinking grilled cheese sandwiches." She says as she hops out of bed grabbing my shirt sliding it on as she opens the door.

 **Ana's POV**

"Oh, and can you grab me some panties because your come is…" I trail off hearing movements to the side of me and I'm praying that it is just Sawyer or Ros, but I know exactly who it is. _Please, please just be Sawyer. Please._

I move in slow motion turning my head towards the noise, not only do I see Mia and Kate but Ethan, Elliot, Grace, Carrick and of course Sam and Ava. _Floor please swallow me up now._ I can feel my face heating up, as I hug the shirt around me trying to hide my obvious nakedness below. Just to add insult to injury I feel someone walk up behind me who's arms encircle my waist oblivious to the fact that his entire family is standing to our right. He pulls my hair to the side and once again begins to kiss along my neck. I turn around, lift my hands and place one on each of his cheeks. _Of course, he thinks I'm going to kiss him if the look on his face is anything to go by._ I then turn his head, so he can see them too. He let's go of me immediately, like I'm on fire.

"Doesn't anyone know how to knock and announce their presence anymore?" He whispers so only I can hear, which makes me giggle. Which in turn makes everyone give us speculative looks.

We all just stand there for a few moments staring at each other, daring the others to talk first. Elliot is first to break the stand-off and bounds across the floor towards me, he picks me up and proceeds to spin me around. I have to force my legs to stay together so I don't flash anyone, while trying to hold the shirt together, that I didn't bother to button fully.

"About damn time." Elliot says making everyone laugh.

"Make yourselves at home, I'm going to get dressed and then I'll make everyone some dinner." I say looking over a Christian who I only now realise is wearing a pair of pyjama bottoms, which I assume he must have found from his draw in my bedroom. _Thank God he put those on before leaving the bedroom._

"Be out in a minute." Christian says taking my hand and dragging me back towards the bedroom.

Once we're safely inside, I bury my face in his chest, utterly embarrassment.

"Oh my god. OH MY GOD!" I whisper yell into his chest.

"Hey it's ok."

"How is it ok? Did you not hear what I said?" I say looking up at him.

"Oh, Yeah, I did." He chuckles.

"It's not funny."

"Oh but it is, or have you forgotten, that we have both walked in on everyone in that room, in far worse situations than they caught us?" He says raising an eyebrow.

"How could I forget?" I reply thinking about the first time I walked in on Mia and Ethan or how many times all of us have walked in on Kate and Elliot. _My god those two will do it anywhere and everywhere._ _Somehow, I think Christian and I will be worse?_

"The only ones who could possibly say anything are my parents and quite frankly they don't have a leg to stand on after last Christmas." Oh. My. God. Last Christmas, Christian and I happened to be looking for a game to play on Christmas Eve, everyone was in bed or so we thought! We decide to go and get Candyland from the games room, only to walk in and find Grace and Carrick on the couch, let's just say Christmas morning neither of us could look either one of them in the eye.

"I know, I can still see their faces." I giggle.

"You need to relax, let me help." He says as he pulls apart the shirt I'm wearing and slips it off my shoulders letting it pool onto the floor. He pushes the shirt out of the way with his foot and pushes me up against the wall behind me.

"Christian, we can't your entire family is right on the other side of that door." I chastise but I know the second he touches me there I _will_ lose all rational train of thought.

" _Our_ family, and I'm just taking care of you baby. Because you need to relax, and this is the best way I can think of for you to do just that." He says as his hands begin to wander my body and I already know I've lost the ability to resist him.

"Mmm." I groan as he run his finger through my slit.

"You were right about needing panties, my come really is leaking out of you." He says as he begins to spread a mixture of both of us all over my clit.

"Fuck." I say louder than I should considering who's in the other room.

"Quiet, Anastasia." He scolds placing his hand over my mouth, so I can't make any other noises. _Like that's gonna work!_

At first his fingers just circle my clit and with every third circle he presses down hard. Making me moan silently into his hand, his ministrations have me barrelling towards yet another orgasm. Just as I'm about to come he removes his fingers causing my eyes to flip open to find him smirk at me.

"What the fuck?" I half yell as a pull his hand off my mouth.

"Patience." Is all I get before he thrusts his middle and ring finger up into my core causing me to silently scream.

His fingers are moving in and out of me at a punishing rate, each movement of his fingers has his palm grinding against my clit. I feel my knees getting weak, he must see it because he circles his other arm around my waist to hold me up. It's taking everything I have to not give in and scream but the moment he flexes his fingers inside me perfectly aligning the tips to hit my g-spot I know I'm in trouble. I need something to quiet the screams I know are coming, but nothing is within reach, so I do the only thing I can think of and shove my fist into my mouth. Right at the moment my body succumbs to him and waves of pleasure wrack my body. Without a doubt I'd be on the floor if it wasn't for Christian holding me up.

"Relaxed now?" He asks now that the aftershocks have subsided.

"Yes, but now I'm pissed."

"Why?" He asks knowing full well why.

"Well, _one_ because you have no idea how hard it is to stay quiet when you do things like that to me, _two_ because you knew full well I would be powerless the moment you touched me and _three_ because once again you didn't get off."

"Don't worry I _knew_ exactly how hard it would be for you to stay quiet why do you think I did it? I like playing with fire, plus you made me with that whole comment about my come. I love the fact that you feel are so powerless against me, it makes me feel dominant and you need to worry less about me and just live in the moment because believe me when they all leave later I will have my fill of you and I _will_ come. Believe me. Or did you forget we still have eight to go?" _He's been keeping track of my orgasms. That's hot!_ He asks raising an eyebrow, his words make me want to take him right here, right now or slug him for being so smug. But alas I love him, and we have company, so we better get a move on! So, I kiss him instead, before trying to find something to wear.

But first I have to ask, "You really were serious, huh?"

"Deadly."

"Good, but then again you might just kill me."

"Never." He says before lightly kissing me on the lips before we both get finally ready.

I brush my hair and once again put it in a messy bun. I clean Christian's mess off me and put on some panties this time. I put on a pair of fitted sweats and a tank top and bra before I leave the closet to find Christian dressed in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt.

"You kept everything in my drawer?" He says walking over to me and pulling me to him.

"Yeah, couldn't bring myself to get rid of it."

"Good." He says as he leans down to kiss me. "Ready?" He asks pulling away.

"No, not really but it's not like they don't know how I feel about you. They were all on the steps when I told you how I felt. So, they shouldn't be all that surprised."

"Agreed. I love you, baby and that's all any of them need to know."

"I love you too."

After another quick kiss we walk out to find everyone in the kitchen making themselves at home. I know most people would be mad to find other people using their kitchen like it were their own, but I love that we're all this close and it's not like I don't do the same thing at their house.

"Hey." Kate says as she walks over to me pulling me into a hug and out of Christian's embrace. "I want details." Kate whispers in my ear but judging by the rush of air I hear from Christian, he heard it too.

"Later. How long were you out here before I came out?" I whisper in her ear.

"We had just got here." I let out a breath.

"Thank God."

Pulling back Kate wiggles her eyebrows, which makes Christian and I both chuckle.

"Ok, so what do you want to eat?" I ask the room.

"Grilled cheese." They all reply in unison making us all laugh, plus that's exactly what I wanted too.

"Can you go get some bread and cheese from your place because I don't think I have enough for everyone and can you ask Sawyer if he wants some something to eat as well, because I know he loves them too?"

"Of course." He says as he leans down to kiss me making almost everyone reply with an 'awe'. Making me blush, yet again.

Everyone talks amongst themselves while Christian helps me make the grilled cheeses, kissing me whenever possible the whole time. He makes me so happy. _He loves me!_ My subconscious squeals like a school girl and I have to agree, I'm so fucking ecstatic my face hurts from smiling so much.

"Fellas, you can go and take it to the 'Man Cave' if you want and Sawyer why don't you show them that new game you bought? Oh, and there is a whole case of beer in the fridge in there."

"Sweet." Elliot says grabbing the giant plate filled with sandwiches out of my hand as all the guys except for Christian wander off to the 'Man Cave'.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay with you?" Christian says pulling into his arms.

"No, but you don't want to be here for the Kavanaugh inquisition, do you?" Once upon a time that would have just meant Kate, but now it means both Mia and Kate.

"Fair point." He kisses me soundly before going to find the rest of the guys.

"So…" Mia says.

"So, what?"

"How did it happen?" Kate asks.

"How did what happen?" I say playing innocent.

"Whatever the hell we walked in on."

"Oh, God don't remind me. If I had died right then and there, it would have been ok."

"It wasn't that bad." Kate says.

"Are you kidding me? How exactly wasn't it not that bad?"

"You've walked in on us all in similar or worse situations, at one time or another." Grace says making us all blush.

"Ok, ok." I say telling them all of what happened up to the kiss, I'll tell Kate and probably Mia what she wants to know later but I'm sure as shit not telling Grace.

"So, I have to know what happened at the church? Christian only gave me cliff notes?"

* * *

 _Flashback_

 **What happened at the church.**

 **Kate's POV**

Ana just poured her heart out to Christian and he just walks away. _How the hell could he do that? Watch out Grey! Full overprotective Mama Bear is coming out to play!_ I get it if he doesn't share her feelings, which I don't believe for a second, but really Grey, walking away from her without saying anything at all. Now that was just a dick move.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I yell as I re-enter the church, lunging for Christian and tackling him to the ground.

"Kate."

"Don't Kate me! What's wrong with you? Why did you do just do that? She told you all of that and you just walked away! You coward!" I don't dare shout what Ana said because she would be mortified if everyone knew.

"I don't know."

"Bullshit. I've known you for a hell of a long time and there is no way you would do that to anyone. Least of all her. So, I will ask again what the hell is wrong with you?"

Just as he is about the answer his phone rings. _Whoever the fuck that is, it better be damn important! Wait, what the hell is his phone doing on in the first place? What was he going to do under the pulpit? Say excuse me I need take this call, before he said, I Do?_

"Grey." He snaps into the phone; the phone is loud enough so that I can hear everything that is being said by the other person on the line.

"Sir, it's over."

"Really?" He says relieved.

"Yes Sir. The police arrested Henry ten minutes ago, they just finished analysing the files no were copied, there were no fail safes, so it will never make it to the media."

"Thank God."

"We also cleared the castle and we have located the memory stick. I've had Barney analyse it and the files were never copied so we are sure all copies of the files relating to Morton are secure. The police are on their way and they should be at your location in the next five minutes. Oh, and one more thing, Barney will make sure that those files are never found again."

"Thank you, Jason. Thank you."

"Of course, Sir."

 _Holy! Shit!_

Christian stands to face Emma, who is still at the other end of the aisle at the altar. The bitch hasn't moved from where she was standing, since before Ana ran out of the church, not even after her _fiancée_ ran out too.

"Emma, I think it is time we told the world what a manipulative bitch you really are. Don't you?" Christian spits and she just stares at him.

"What? Cat got your tongue?" He says taunting her.

"Watch it Christian, you know what will happen."

"What, Henry releases those files to the media? That's going to be awfully tough, from a jail cell. Don't you think?"

"What are you talking about?" She almost yells.

"Ah, you see you didn't notice what was going on right under your nose because I made damn sure you wouldn't. Remember that executives retreat I went on last week? That was all part of a plan to take you down. You see I picked that specific location because there were no cell towers, no internet access what so ever, so I could talk freely to whomever I wanted. I was finally able to tell Taylor exactly what your manipulative ass was up to and he was all too eager to help me take you down. I doubt you even noticed he wasn't in attendance for our nuptials because you thought your plan was going perfectly. What you couldn't see, was that this, was all really a part of my plan and that you actually gave me the idea of how to execute it.

I moved up this travesty of a wedding because I couldn't stand seeing your pathetic face a moment longer. I knew you wouldn't have that fucking necklace on with your ridiculously expensive dress. So, while we were here Taylor went to my parents' house and found your necklace. Don't worry we made sure to check if it had been copied and now that I know all of the files are in my possession you're finished. Now the whole world will see you for who you really are. I hope you like the colour orange as you will be wearing it every day for quite some time."

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" She yells charging at him but just as they are about to collide Christian moves to the side expertly grabbing both her wrists pinning them together and forcing her to the floor.

"Did you really think I would stand by and let anyone hurt the girl I love?" He says quietly to her. "No one hurts Ana." He says as he police bust in.

Emma, while being read her rights was screaming a string of profanities the entire time as the police cuffed her and put her in the back of the squad car. _It was a magnificent scene!_

"Enjoy prison bitch." I yell as the car door closes, hauling that her ass away. "Christian I'm so sorry for everything I said about you not caring about Ana."

"Don't be. I get it. Really, I do because if anyone else had treated Ana the way that I have there life as they know it would be over. But I had to protect her Kate, and I knew what Ana would do if she knew what was really going on."

"Yeah, I think we all do. You two really are made for each other. You're both extremely protective of the other." I say pulling him into a hug.

"Yeah, let's just hope she sees it that way?"

"She will once you explain everything. Come let's go give our statements so you can go tell her you feel the same way about her." I say giddily. _Finally, they're going to be together._ Jesus when did I turn back into a school girl?

 _End of flashback_

* * *

 **Ana's POV again**

"Ana you should have seen her face when he started explaining that her plan just tanked, it was _priceless!_ " Kate exclaims.

"Oh, I would have paid to see it." Mia squeals.

"Too bad I missed it."

"Please tell me my boy didn't sleep with that God-awful woman?" Grace asks.

"God no."

* * *

 **A little while later.**

I'm walking back to the kitchen when I feel a hand tug me down the hall into the bathroom. I'm hoping that it's Christian, but I know it's not because the hand is too small.

"I want details, now." Kate says.

"Fine what do you want to know but keep in mind this is your brother in law?"

"How was it?"

"Out. Of. This. World."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"He kissed your neck and you didn't even flinch?"

"I didn't even think about it I guess. That's probably because we have never had boundaries, but fuck if it doesn't feel incredible."

"Ok, one last question because I've got to know how many?"

"How many what, Kate?" _I have to toy with Kate a little bit._

"Don't give me that. How many times did you do it and how many times did you come?"

"Jesus Kate."

"Please." She says with puppy dog eyes.

"Three and seven so far."

"What the hell does _so far_ mean?" She says cocking an eyebrow.

"He says he's going to make me come fifteen times before tonight is over."

"Fucking hell! Never let go of that man!"

"Oh, I don't plan on it." I say as Kate leaves the bathroom. I stay just thinking about what's to come tonight when the door opens and in comes Christian. _Wasn't he talking about boundaries and knocking earlier?_

"Talking about me?"

"No." I say knowing full well he heard the whole conversation.

"Ah, see I thought you never lied to me."

"Sorry. Let me make it up to you." I say dropping to my knees.

"What happened to not doing anything?"

"I have to apologise. Don't I?" I say tugging on the waistband of his sweats and underwear before they fall to his ankles.

"If this is how you do apologies, you should misbehave more often."

"Duly noted." I say as I begin to stroke him, I pepper kisses all around the base of his shaft never actually kissing where he wants it most.

"Stop playing Anastasia, otherwise people are going to notice we're missing and come looking for us." The way he says my name makes me forget about his earlier teasing all together.

"Ok." I say before taking him all the way into my mouth and down my throat in one swift move, making him groan above me.

With each movement before I take him back into my mouth I swirl my tongue around his shaft and tip repeatedly. It doesn't take long for his legs to start shaking. I then remove one of my hands from the back of his thigh and place that hand down my own pants collecting the moisture forming between my folds before cupping his balls with my essence. Which makes his growl loudly, and louder than he should considering where we are, but fuck it, I love that I can do this to him and get that reaction. While one hand plays with his balls the other reaches around cupping one of his ass cheeks forcing him further down my throat, which makes him explode, thick ropes of come slide down my throat as he empties himself into me. _He really does taste divine._

Once he's finished he pulls me to my feet, grabs the hand covered in my come and proceeds to lick every drop off my hand before he pulls me into a scorching kiss, so we can taste a mixture of both of us together.

"Baby you are most definitely forgiven." He says pulling away.

"Good, now come. Well, actually you just did. But we need to go out there before someone comes looking for us in here." Christian chuckles, shakes his head in disbelief, pulls up his trousers and opens the door.

* * *

 **Thank you, as always for reading. Please leave review. I love reading them.**

 **FearfullyBrave.**


	17. Chapter 16

**I know it's been a while but not that long. I have no intentions of abandoning this story. When it is over you will absolutely know it is. I also have another story or two in the works.**

 **Life has been rough and busy recently, I started my exams and it's been hard to find the motivation to do anything but sleep, read or study. I have barely eaten. I just haven't been hungry, which isn't helping me what so ever. I have one more week left and then I'm off to do whatever I damn well please, which will most likely be writing and reading.**

 **I am hoping the fact that this is basically the largest chapter I've written will make up for my absence.**

 **Oh, and let's not forget that Christian still owes Anastasia eight orgasms, so…**

* * *

 **A little before 10pm**

 **Ana's POV**

I'm so horny it's ridiculous. I had sex not even three hours ago and yet right now I would love nothing more than to be flat on my back with Christian inside me. Hell, I'd even take him up against the wall again. But no, I'm sat in my living room talking about mundane shit with Grace, Mia and Kate, don't get me wrong I love them all, dearly but I want my last eight orgasms and I want them _now._ So, I want everyone to get out so that can happen. _I know that's so wrong of me, so sue me but my libido is doing all my thinking for me at the moment._

"Ana what do you think?" Kate asks, I honestly have no clue about what she's talking about.

"It's up to you." I reply hoping it's the right answer but by the look on everyone's faces, it's not.

"I knew you weren't listening."

"Then why ask?"

"To prove you were too busy thinking about you know who to pay attention."

"No, I'm not."

"Yeah, you are."

"Yeah, well, I want my last eight." I say deadpan which makes Kate choke on her lemonade.

"Kate you ok?" Grace asks.

"I cannot believe you just said that." Kate says once she has recovered.

"Last eight what?" Mia asks.

"Oh, Ana wants her last eight…"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence, or I will tell everyone where you really went on Elliot's 24th birthday party." I interrupt.

"You wouldn't?"

"I would, and I will if you finish that sentence."

"Fine."

"You don't mean… eww gross." Mia says as it dawns on her exactly what we're talking about.

"I was going to ask what you were talking about but now I'm not so sure I want to know." Grace says.

"Trust me you don't." Mia says as she shivers, which makes me a Kate chuckle.

"I'll be back in a minute." I say standing to go and find _my_ man.

* * *

I find Christian with the rest of the men all bordering on tipsy but thankfully not yet drunk. I walk over to Christian and grab the pillow from next to him as I bend over putting my mouth to his ear so that only he can hear what I'm about to say.

"I want you to kick the guys out, because I want you inside me and I want you now. I want to feel you pound into me so hard my teeth rattle and more importantly I want my last eight." I knew exactly what my words were going to do to him. _That's exactly why I put the pillow in his lap, which he is now clutching in his fist and probably extremely grateful for said pillow._ If his Dad wasn't in the room I wouldn't have bothered with the pillow.

"Jesus." He says after he finishes choking on his beer. "Give me five."

"Good." I say kissing his cheek before I turn, and half skip out of the room. _Mission accomplished._

* * *

 **Everyone has left except for Elliot, Kate and Ava.**

"Bye baby girl, see you tomorrow ok?"

"Bye-bye." She says before reaching up and planting a big wet sloppy kiss on my lips.

"Thank you, say bye to Uncle Christian too." I say passing her over to Christian before hugging Kate.

"Enjoy your last eight." Kate says as she hugs me.

"Oh, I intend to." I say letting Kate go.

"Last eight what Ana?" Elliot says with a knowing smirk.

"Orgasms. Elliot. Orgasms." I say in Elliot's ear, making him chuckle.

"Impressive, bro. Im-press-ive." Elliot says mocking me and pulling Christian into a hug.

"Thank you." Christian says with a smirk a little too proud of himself if am being honest. _He can be proud of himself after he accomplishes his task._

It's an odd dynamic, I have with Elliot, and he's like a big brother to me but unlike a big brother he has never really shied away or been grossed out by my sex life like he is with Mia. I know this because I know Kate tells him _everything_ I tell her, which is why I know he already knew about the orgasms before I told him.

"Bye." We all shout as the door closes.

"Fuck, did you have to say that while my Dad was in the room? It's not easy to hide a hard on in sweats." Christian says from behind me as soon as the door is closed which makes me giggle. "You think it's funny, do you?" He says pressing me to the door with his body.

"Maybe. Although, I did give you an object to cover your erection. That should count for something?" I say but I can't help the giggle that escapes.

"We let's see how funny you find my hard on now." He says pressing it firmly into my lower back stopping my giggling immediately.

"Definitely not funny now."

"Good, so Miss Steele you were talking about these last eight orgasms. Where do you want them?" He says as he begins to trail kisses along my collar bone and up my neck.

"Window. Ah." I whimper as he bites softly on my neck. "I've always wanted to have sex up against the windows."

"You mean the floor to ceiling ones that just happen to overlook the _whole city?_ "

"Yes." I admit _slightly_ ashamed.

"How very voyeuristic of you." He says meandering a hand around my waist, over my belly button through my tank top, then under the waist band of my sweats and into my panties. "That being said, it has always been a fantasy of mine to fuck you up against the window too."

"Fuck." I scream as he pinches my clit. "Then do it please and make my teeth rattle."

"Urgh. Are you trying to kill me?"

"Maybe… but… wouldn't… it… be… an… amazing… way… to… go?" I say pausing between each word as he pinches and twists my clits.

"Definitely." He says as he picks me up by the waist and carries me to the windows behind us in the great room.

Our penthouses sit at least three floors above the surrounding buildings but fuck if the idea that someone could see us doesn't make me wet just thinking about it. _Who knew that we were secret exhibitionists?_

Christian's hand has once again found its way down my underwear but this time he hasn't stopped at my clit his fingers are hovering over my core. I rock my hips trying to get him inside of me, but he keeps moving them away. _Argh!_

"You want something?" He teases.

"Yes, your fingers or your cock inside me so stop teasing me and give me one of them." I bite out.

"So, demanding but your wish is my command." He says before he trusts his fingers into me, making me scream.

"Make me come. Make me come." I'm begging at this point.

"I'm sorry what do you want me to do?" He says flexing his fingers, purposefully hitting my g-spot, making me shiver.

"Make. Me. Come. Jackass."

"Now is that anyway to speak to me?" He says stilling his movements.

"No, but it is what you are. You're teasing me. Punishing me for making you hard earlier."

"Is that so?" He says as his fingers begin to thrust again.

"Yep."

"Think you got me all figured out, do you?" He says increasing the pressure his palm has against my clit.

"I don't… need to… think…. I know." I say leaning forward putting my weight on my forearms against the window needing something more than just my legs to keep me upright.

"You do, do you? Ok, what am I about to do next then?" Is he asking me to guide him and take control? _I'm game!_

"You're about to take your other hand, the one currently on my left hip and pull down the cup of my bra and play with my nipple."

"Right." He says as he begins the play with my nipple. "Keep going."

"Now you're going to start licking and sucking on my neck, whilst your thrusts become deeper and your palm applies more pressure to my clit."

"Right you are. Now stop talking and give it to me." He says as his palm somehow begins to rotate on my clit pushing me to the edge. "I feel you. Come for me, baby." _Fuck!_ That's all it takes to push me over as I come he puts the hand that was on my nipple around my waist to hold me just as my legs give out.

"Oh. My. God." I pant out once the aftershocks subside.

"I guess it was a good idea to have all the glass in our windows re-enforced before we moved in. Although this wasn't quite what I had in mind when I ordered them." He chuckles, which makes me giggle too.

"Maybe it wasn't but I feel like we really need test the durability and strength of our investment, don't you? That being said, you should totally fuck me up against them. Just to be sure they are safe."

"Well, in the interest of safety." He says spinning me around to face him making me squeal. "You know how much I value your safety."

"Mmm, always so _safety_ conscious Mr. Grey." I say as he pulls my tank top over my head and throwing it somewhere to my right.

"Only where you're concerned." He says pulling my trousers and panties down my legs.

"My hero." I say stepping out of them.

"Your hero." He says removing my bra and kissing the swell of my breast making me moan.

"Get naked." I say clawing at his shirt needing to feel his bare chest against me. If it were anyone else I would be self-conscious about the fact the I was naked, and they weren't but I don't feel that way, not with him.

"So, demanding Miss Steele." He says as he rips his shirt over his head. I follow the hem of his shirt running my hands over his abs, then his pecks. I just love the way his body feels under my fingertips _. Have I mentioned he has an amazing body! Well, he does!_

"Is that a problem?" I say crouching to kiss my way down that amazing body as I descend lower.

"God no. It's _hot!_ " He says as my lips reach the waist band of his sweats.

"Oh, I can tell." I say running my hand across his hardened length, before yanking his sweats down. "No underwear, now that's _hot!_ "

"Thought you might like that."

"Oh, I do." I say kissing the tip of his erection and even though I want to swallow him whole, the need to feel him inside me is too strong and I need him. _Now._ I rise up as he steps out of his trousers and kicks them behind him.

"Now, how about we get to… what was it you said? Teeth rattling." _Fuck, no one should be allowed to sound that sexy._

"Ah." I squeal as he slips his arms between my thighs and picks me up so my back rests up against the cool glass of the window. "Fuck." I scream as the tip of his erection glides by my clit, I wrap my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck right before he slams his hips against me.

"I love you so fucking much." He says before smashes his lips onto mine as he thrusts into me before he stills, filling me completely in one swoop.

When we pull apart, both completely breathless and for a moment we just stare into each other's eyes. It's funny really, if anyone would see us right now and what was happening they would assume we've been together for years, not hours. Twenty-four hours ago, I was going to bed alone for the first time ever in his childhood home, in my room, which I had never slept in and now I'm in his arms, and I know he loves me. Well, I've known he loves me, but not the way I wanted him to, but now I know he's _in_ love with me and that means so much more to me. _He loves me._ I feel like fucking school girl, I've waited years never really believing I would ever hear those words leave his mouth and for them to be directed at me in that way. But here we are.

"So, fucking much." I say before he begins to thrust into me at a punishing pace that takes my breath away. Each thrust impales me into the window, I would be afraid of going through it but when I'm in his arms I feel nothing but safe. "Shit I'm going to come." It really shouldn't be possible that I'm ready to come again considering he finger fucked me and I orgasmed not even ten minutes ago. He's been inside me even less than that, but I couldn't fucking care less, I'm coming and I know it. He turns me on like no one else ever did or ever will and the way he feels inside me is indescribable. It honestly amazes me that I don't come the second he enters me.

"Fuck you are so tight."

"Mother fuck…." I trail off as my orgasm rips through me as I shake and shudder in his arms.

As soon as I come down from my orgasm Christian lowers me to the floor on shaky legs, spins me around to face the window pressing me flush against it.

"Six left." He whispers in my ear like it's some kind of secret. _Fuck I don't know if I have six left in me but I'm definitely willing to find out if I do._ He lifts my left leg and places it on the protruding window frame, opening me up before he once again slams into me, pulling me back slightly so our bodies are flush with my back against his front.

"Ah."

"So vocal." He growls in appreciation against my neck, his thrusts are at an almost lazy pace, giving me time to recover. "You see all of those lights on below us?" He asks but I can't bring myself to respond, I'm to wrapped up in feeling his member going in and out of me so slowly and his hands that are tracing all over my body.

"Ow." I yelp as he pinches my nipple not hard enough to warrant any real pain but enough to make me come out of my trance and answer. "Yes."

"Each one of them is a room with someone in it. They could look up right now and see us. Do you have any idea how hot that is?" He asks as his pace increases fractionally.

"No."

"So, fucking hot. The idea that they could see me fucking you? See me making you mine." _Fuck_ , _his words alone can make me come again._

"Yours."

"Do you think they have any idea how good you feel wrapped around me?" He says as his thrusts pick up. "How wet you are right now?" He picks up the pace again. "How fucking tight you are?" _Jesus._ "How soft your skin is?" _Mmm._ "How you taste?" _Fuck._ "How loud you scream when you come?" _Shit I'm close._ "How fucking stunning you are, the moment your body is over taken by sheer pleasure and you come undone?" I can feel him throughout my body, the utter fulfilment of him and damn it, I never want it to end. "As your pussy clamps down around me, trying to suck me dry." _Fuck I'm coming._ I'm almost convulsing in his arms as wave after wave of my orgasm rolls through me, it feels like it's going on forever. _It won't stop._

"Fucking hell, Ana." I can feel his thrusts becoming uneven. I know he's close but he doesn't let up as he fucks me through my orgasm. But the moment my orgasm ends he explodes inside me, I feel the ropes of come covering my walls and it's enough to set me off again the moment my previous orgasm ended. It rips through me at the same intensity as the one before and my vision goes. _I see stars._ I've never really understood what that meant in books. _How can anything feel that good?_ But right now, I get it, it's like I'm frozen in time, I'm not screaming, I'm not moving. My body is locked as my orgasm tears through me, this one is different, my body isn't shaking, it's as if I've been shocked and frozen into place. Although, I can feel my walls clamping down so hard around him, it's almost painful. My brain is fried, I can't breathe and all the air has been sucked from my lungs. I feel like I'm having some kind of out of body experience.

* * *

I open my eyes to find myself laying against Christian, with his back propped up against the window I was just against, holding us both up.

"Nice of you to join me." He chuckles before kissing my forehead, making my eyes involuntarily close.

"What happened?" I ask feeling slightly dazed.

"You blacked out for a few moments."

"How long?"

"30 seconds at most." I know that should worry me but I trust him more than anyone, I know he would've looked after me.

"That was out of this world." I say smiling up at him and he smiles in return.

"I know, I don't think I have ever come that hard."

"Me either."

"Was that rattling enough for you?"

"Earth shattering!"

"I think I need a shower, our come is all over me." He says looking down between us at where our come is leaking out of me and on to him. _Damn_ , if that doesn't make me want him again. _How can I though?_ I just had the most intense orgasm of my life and I still want more? _Go figure?_

"Me too." I say finally being able to standing up on my own two feet. "Catch me if you can." I say as I take off running towards my bedroom heading for the en-suite, making him growl.

I only make it across the great room just before the bedroom door before he catches up. _Cursing my short legs._

"Still faster than you." He says picking me up the waist and running with me into the shower.

"It's not fair I have short legs." I say as he sets me down in the stall before reaching behind me and turning the shower on, causing the water to cascade down upon us.

"Fucking sexy legs." He growls.

"Yours are pretty sexy too."

"Only pretty sexy?" He says raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah." I say teasingly.

"Sure, if that's what you want to go." He says sarcastically.

I don't respond, instead, I reach over to the shelving on the right and pick up the shower scrunchie and body wash. It's a good thing I'm not a girly girl and my body wash doesn't smell like a fucking flower shop because I don't wanna to have sex with a guy who smells like a bouquet. _Although if anyone could pull it off, he could._

I squeeze out a generous amount of the coconut body wash (it's the kind that smells more like chocolate than coconut) onto the scrunchie and run it under the stream of water for a few seconds before squeezing it a few times, making the foam appear. Only when I'm satisfied with the level of foam do I begin to rub it all over his chest and abdomen making him groan in the process as his eyes shut and his head tips back. I run it over every inch of his skin I can reach while we are face to face before I purposefully walk around him and begin to soap up his back side. I start at his right ankle kissing my way up his leg before following with the scrunchie, when I reach his right buttock I bite into it causing him to groan. I repeat with his left leg before working my way up to his back. I can only reach so far with my kisses given that he is over a foot taller than me. When I reach his hairline, I drop the scrunchie and pick up the shampoo, my shampoo supposedly smells like kiwi but honestly, I think it smells like skittles. _Yes, I have a thing for candy bath products?_

I walk over to the bench in the shower and stand on it beckoning him to me with my finger, I squeeze some of the shampoo into my hand before setting it on the bench. I could've reached his hair just by standing but holding my arms in the air for that long will hurt my already slightly aching body.

"You know I've always wondered why you smelled like chocolate and now I know why." He says wrapping his arms around me, his head is perfectly aligned with my tits, so he takes the opportunity to suck and bit them, inevitably leaving hickeys. I always thought hickeys were tacky but the idea of Christian marking me as his already has me clenching.

"Now you know all my secrets." I say as my fingers tangle in his hair massaging his scalp, making him groan and vibrating the skin on my breasts.

He starts gathering the body wash on his chest and begins to spread it all over my body, his lips and teeth never leaving my breasts pushing me towards yet another orgasm. Once my body is covered in soap, his hands kneed my ass.

"Fuck." I say clawing it as his scalp feeling the tension building inside of me begging to be released. "Fuck I'm going to come."

"Give it to me baby." He says into the skin of my breast while he pinches and twists the other.

"Fuck I'm going to… I'm coming." I pant as I come apart and I'm eternally thankful for the hand on my ass as it's the only thing keeping me upright.

Once the aftershocks have subsided, he picks me up and puts us both back under the stream of water to rinse us off.

"Who knew you could actually get clean while getting dirty?" He says wiggling his eyebrows at me.

"You say that as if you've never had shower sex before?" I say giggling slightly.

"I haven't." He says looking down at me.

"Really?"

"Do I lie to you?"

"No. I haven't either."

"I'm so glad we could take each other's shower virginities." He says with the most ridiculously goofy grin imaginable, that I can't help but reciprocate.

"Me too." I say jumping slightly to plant a kiss on his lips.

"Turn around and get your hair wet because I'm washing it."

"Mmm. Who knew you could make washing a girl's hair sexy?" I say wetting my nipple length hair.

"One of my many talents." He says grabbing the shampoo and squirting it on to his left hand and setting the bottle back on the shelf.

"Many, many talents." I say wiggling my eyebrows suggestively, making him tickle me.

"Oh, I still have a few more to show you." He says motioning for me to turn around.

"Can't wait." I say as his hands begin to massage my scalp and wash my hair.

"You know I could show you one right now?"

"And what might that be?" I say as he removes his hands from my hair and grabs the detachable shower head and begins to rise the shampoo from my hair.

"Oh, it might have something to do with this thing here." He says waving the detachable shower head in front of me.

"I could only imagine. Can you pass me the conditioner please?" I say leaning my head back giving him puppy dog eyes.

"You know I would do anything for you when you give me that look." He says planting a soft kiss on my lips before grabbing the conditioner squirting some in my hands and then his.

Once we've washed the conditioner out of our hair I say. "So, what is this secret of yours?"

"Why don't you just wait and see?" I scowl at him in response. "Don't look at me like that." He says before stepping in front of me and pressing kisses into the side of my neck.

"Fine. Fine." I squeal as he begins to tickle me, again.

"More like it. Now jump up." He says with his arms boxing me to the wall looking straight at his chest, so I oblige him by jumping up circling my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist, which in turn lines his tip up perfectly where I want it to be as I land in his arms.

"Fuck." I say as he slips himself inside.

"Fuck, you are so wet." He says as he begins to gently thrust.

"You sure it's not just the shower?" I say into the crook of his neck, clinging to him like a monkey.

"Yes." He says in a tone that brokers no need to further explain, like he can just feel the difference. "Lean back against the shower wall."

The shower wall is cool behind my back and a stark contrast from the heat emanating from his chest against mine. I look between us at where we're connected, where we become one and I start to meet him thrust for thrust needing to feel more of him. He reaches for the detachable shower head next to us never stopping his movements and places it between us.

"Hold on and don't let go." I nod in response, though my curiosity is peaked, the pleasure he is currently delivering is clouding my brain. He fiddles with the settings dial on the shower head rotating the disc until it landed on the central high-pressure spray and angles the head, so the spray is directly hitting my clit, literally taking my breath away. Thankfully as soon as he found the desired position he was looking for he placed his other hand immediately under my thigh, stopping my arms and legs from giving out. "Like my secret?"

"Y… fuck… yes." Struggling to get the words out as he began to sway from side to side effectively, making sure the water essentially was hitting against my clit perfectly with every movement. I closed my eyes trying to relish in the feelings I was having, the pleasure he was giving me, which I prayed he felt as well.

"Open your eyes, Anastasia." He growls, and my eyes instantly fly open and fix on his.

This so different from anything I've ever felt before. _What is this man doing to me? How can he do this to me over and over again?_ I can feel my orgasm building, but just when I feel like I'm going to fall over the edge and explode, I pause, for just a moment. I'm apprehensive how I'm going to handle another mind-blowing orgasm? It's too much for my body to grasp, combined with my heartrate, the speed of his thrusts into me and the look in his eyes, it's all too much.

"I… I can't… Christ… Christian… I…"

"Yes, you can. Just breathe and lean into it."

I do just that and with a few more swipes across my clit we shatter together and if it wasn't for the wall behind me there is no way Christian would be standing, since he's leaning heavily against it. I have never been more thankful for his workouts with Claude as they're the only things that are keeping us upright right now. I swat the shower head away from my overly sensitised skin, he lowers us both to the floor until we can regain our strength. Once our breathing returns back to normal, we stand up to get out of the shower. I grab a towel from the warmer and go to dry myself off but Christian takes the towel from me and essentially takes over drying me. _Thoroughly, I might add._

"You know I'm perfectly capable of drying myself, right?" I say cocking my hip as he begins to dry himself.

"Yeah. I'm aware but seeing as I'm the one making you wet, I felt like drying you might be a change." I giggle in response.

"You've already had your way with me, so you don't have to flirt anymore."

"Oh, I know but it's fun. Right?"

"It is." I say turning around heading towards the sinks, more specifically the moisturiser.

"What are you doing?"

"Moisturiser." I say searching the cabinet for it. When a thought hits me. "Move in with me?" I say spinning around to face him.

"What?"

"Move in with me. I know we only got together hours ago and it's too soon, but I have loved you for fifteen years and we've basically lived together for the last ten. I know we'll never be sleep apart again. I have some of your clothes here. We can buy a house or something later on, but I want to live with you. Do you want to live with me?" I ramble.

"Why are you so nervous, Anastasia? You always ramble when you're nervous. Do you think I would say no? I would love to live with you."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Good." I say launching myself at him as he spins us before kissing me.

"Now get your moisturiser and meet me _our_ bedroom." _Our bedroom._

I walk out to find him sitting on the bed with a towel around his waist, he hooks his finger summoning me to him. When I reach the bed I straddle him, holding the moisturiser between us.

"Why did you want me to bring it out here? Do you wanna watch?" I say cocking my eyebrow.

"No." He says flipping us onto the bed, trapping me.

"Then what?" I say, smiling up at him, thinking that right here right now I genuinely couldn't be happier.

"You know we have two left?" He says bending down and whispering in my ear. _Holy shit even I lost track._

"I lost track." I say as he begins to kiss down the side my neck and across the column of my neck.

"I'm sure you did."

"You know… arrogance is not… a good… look… on you." I say knowing my voice doesn't sound convincing given the way his mouth and hands are running over my body.

"Pssh, anything is a good look on me."

"I'd argue… but we both know…. I'd be lying… if I disagreed." I say before he sits up in between my thighs. _Fuck, he stopped._

"My point _exactly._ Now hand over the moisturiser." I look up at him confused. _Why does he want it?_ "Anastasia hand it over."

"Fine." I say petulantly handing it over to him.

"Now, what do you usually moisturise first? Legs or arms?"

"Why are you asking?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out. Answer the question, if you want to find out?"

"Legs." I say prompting him to squirt out some of the moisturiser onto his hand, he places the bottle by the side of me and rubs his hands together before shuffling down the bed slightly. _Oh, that's why he wanted to know. Lucky me._

 **Christian's POV**

I rub the moisturiser into my palms before picking up her left foot, I press kisses into the sole knowing full well she is ticklish.

"Christian." She chastises as she squirms in front of me.

I begin to kneed the sole of her left foot, working my way from her arch, to the ball of her foot, to her toes and down to her heel before I work my way up her calf. I rub smalls circles with my thumbs, massaging the muscles. _I know that a proper foot and body massage will not only make her relax but also rejuvenate her sore muscles, which I know are tender after our trysts._ I do not want nor need her to be sore tomorrow, because there is no way in hell I'm missing out on her just because she's a bit is achy. _Hence the body massage._ Well, anywhere other than her pussy. Even that soreness can easily be rectified with and orgasm or two. _And I'm just the man to give them to her. Let me rephrase that. I'm the only man that will give her those for the rest of her life!_

By the time I reach her knee she is already beginning to writhe beneath me as I hover over her massaging her thigh. _Her skin is so fucking soft, it's unreal._ I work my way up her inner thigh, I get almost to the apex of her thigh before I let go to grab more moisturiser causing her to whine. I repeat every movement on the other leg, once again reaching just below her pussy lips before moving up and over the top, massaging her hips. I rub the skin on her stomach, before reaching her breasts, I can't help but lean down and taking both nipples into my mouth before moisturising them too. I work my way down each arm, gently caressing the skin.

"Turn over." I say leaning back on my heels, it takes her a few seconds before she flips over presenting that gorgeous ass of hers to me.

I start at her shoulders making sure to remove any knots before working down her spine pressing a kiss onto each vertebrate before moisturising it. I work the skin on her ass for probably longer than I need to. _Sue me, she has a great ass._

I pull of my towel off allowing my very prominent erection the freedom it's demanding, before laying down on the bed between her legs. I lower my head to her, as I begin to feast on the heaven that lies there. I strategically run my tongue through her lips, lapping up all she has to offer. It's so fucking sweet. It shouldn't be possible for a girl to get this wet, yet here she is practically swimming in her own come, it has trailed all the way down her crack to her asshole. I move my tongue up and begin to eat her asshole, she would probably freak out on me if we hadn't just had a shower and if she wasn't so lost in the moment to do anything other than enjoy my ministrations to her body. Some guys say that they hate going down on a girl. I'll never stop going down on mine. Right now, watching the way her body moves involuntarily overwhelmed by the sheer intensity of the moment and the way she tastes how could this be anything but amazing.

"Fuck I'm going to come." I don't respond I just continue to lick her and squeeze her cheeks, dying for that moment when she comes undone. "Fuck." She screams as she comes like a freight train against my tongue.

When the aftershocks subside slightly, I pick up the moisturiser bottle throw it on the floor before flipping her over and bending down to kiss her. I let my tongue explore her mouth allowing her to savour herself, so she can appreciate how good she truly tastes. Never breaking the kiss, I position my cock at her entrance and inch my way inside her warmth. I reach out grabbing her wrists as I pin her hands to the bed by interlocking our fingers on both sides of her head, and then I begin to slowly thrust inside her. I move so slowly it's almost torture. It's in this moment that I know what making love to someone truly means. I had always thought it was such an odd phrase but there's no other way to describe this, yet it's so much more. We are making love and it's just mind-blowing, mind-boggling or whatever you want to call it. It's refreshing, intoxicating, exhilarating, euphoric, everything is just more with Anastasia. I can feel her walls begin to flutter as the tightening in my balls begin as well, but I don't pick up the pace, I continue with this barely moving stride I've set. I pull away from her lips no longer able to maintain the kiss this close to orgasming. Our eyes open as I lower my forehead to hers, releasing our hands so mine can tangle in her hair as she does the same to mine. Her legs wrap tighter around me, not trying to speed up the pace, just trying to get closer to me. I could crawl up inside her and it still wouldn't be close enough. Her arms pull at my shoulders pushing me further into her chest, as her hands tangle in the hair at the nape of my neck. We stare into each other's eyes as our orgasms hit us simultaneously and silently. We both shudder against the other. We stay frozen for a few moments just being, showing our love without a single word being spoken. _None are needed._

I pull out making us both wince, before laying down beside her, she rolls over threading her leg through mine and her head directly over my heart looking up at me. I wrap my arms around her pressing her to me.

"I love you Christian Grey."

"I love you Anastasia Steele."

Is all that is said before we drift off into a peaceful sleep in the other arms.

* * *

 **So, there it is. Did it make up for my absence? As always please let me know what you think in a review. I love reading them.**

 **To those of you who private messaged me, thank you as well.**

 **Thanks for reading.**

 **Fearfully Brave**


	18. Chapter 17

**My PTSD has struck me with a vengeance recently, but probably not in the way you would think. I haven't been having flashbacks or been triggered (very much) but I have had real problems with concentration and for lack of a better word, procrastination. I'm not talking procrastination in the sense you put of cleaning your room because your tired. I'm talking an inability to motivate myself to do anything, literally anything. Summoning the motivation to do things like sleep, eat or write have been virtually impossible. I just lie there until I know it can't be put off any longer and then I do what I must out of sheer necessity. The worst part of it is that I don't realise it at first and I hadn't really been seeing it for the past few weeks. I thought it was just the come down from the exams but the longer it went on the more serious I realised it was. Does that make sense? Probably not. Anyhow that it where I've been, I'm trying to get back to writing because honestly it is something that I love doing.**

 **I know you all are missing the regular updates and I'm trying to get back to where I was Writing really helps me clear mind and escape whatever is troubling me at the time. However, up until recently it was impossible to do so… The reviews that you've left me asking where I have been, have really helped me focus on getting back on track. I get why some writers might find them annoying but for me they were a useful tool and gave me , the motivation to snap out of my funk. So please keep them coming.**

 **Now on with the story.**

* * *

 **Morning after.**

 **Ana's POV**

I'm on the verge of consciousness and I'm really fucking turned on, to the point where my clit is throbbing. I know it must be a dream that's gotten me like this, but I can't for the life of me remember it and sex dreams are usually the only ones I remember. I remember Christian and the wedding and the sex, _OMFG the sex,_ but I thought that was real, maybe it was all just a dream and that's why I'm so fucking turned on I could just about come on the spot. I screw my eyes shut desperately trying to cling on to the memory of a world where Christian chose me and not Emma. If I really did dream that, then I'm at the castle and not in my bed. So, if I'm going to make myself come it's got to be quiet because the last thing I need is Grace or god forbid Carrick coming in here and seeing me like this. Let's just hope that I didn't scream out loud like I did in my dream. _If I did then I think the ground can swallow me whole right this minute, please._

I remove my hand from my left breast, weird I know, it's something I started doing after Christian and I stopped sleeping together. I wake up with my hand under my shirt and on my breast, I _think_ it's a comfort thing rather than a sexual thing. This is a weird thing to say but the skin on my breast is super soft and I find the softness oddly comforting. _I know I'm weird._ But lifting my hand, I find no shirt.

 _WHY THE FUCK AM I SHIRTLESS?_

I trail my hand down my abdomen under the comforter to the top of my pubic bone, the small hairs tickling my fingertips.

 _WHY THE FUCK AM I COMPLETELY NAKED?_

I've never had a wet dream, I guess this is as close I have ever come to one.

My back arches involuntarily and my body tightens, as my hand rounds the top of my pubic bone expecting to find my clit but instead I find a nose. My eyes fly open, I fling the comforter off and find Christian literally sucking my clit. _Jesus fucking Christ._ It wasn't a dream, tears prick the corners of my eyes with relief.

"Fuck. Ah." I pant out, tipping my head back burying it in the pillow. I arch my back as Christian's hands reach up pinching my nipples at the same time as he bites lightly on my clit making me explode instantly. "Ah." I scream as my body shakes on the bed grinding into his face prolonging my orgasm.

"Morning." He says rising from between my legs to kiss me. His lips connect lightly with mine before his tongue darts out teasing my lips silently begging for entrance, to which I happily grant. The tip of his cock makes contact with my clit as my body melts into his needing him as close as possible, but the contact makes my whole-body twitch as I moan into his mouth making him chuckles.

"Mmm. Good morning."

"Good morning indeed."

"Forget what I said yesterday this is the best way to wake up."

"Glad you approve."

"I thought it was a dream."

"What was?" Christian face is mixed with a combination of confusion and amusement.

"Yesterday. I thought it was a dream and that you were really going to marry she who shall not be named."

" _Really?"_ He says raising and eyebrow.

"Yeah, I couldn't figure out why I was so fucking turned on considering I didn't think I had a sex dream. I figured I fantasised all the sex we had yesterday and that's why I was worked up."

"What you were just going to do, rub one out with my parents down the hall?" He says raising and eyebrow with faux disapproval.

"Well, I wouldn't have put it quite like that and it definitely wouldn't have been just one. It also wouldn't be the first time I've 'rubbed one out' at the castle."

"Really?"

"What did you think I was a nun when we still lived there?"

"No. I just…. When?"

"What do you mean when?"

"I mean when did you rub one out, when we practically lived in the same room?"

"Ok, are you saying you didn't 'rub one out' when we still lived at the castle?"

"No. I did. I just didn't think you did."

"Why not? Because I'm a girl?"

"No. I…I honestly never thought about it."

"Ok. Where did you used to rub one out? And can we stop saying rub one out, it sounds ridiculous. Can we just say masturbated or something?"

"Call it whatever you want but I used to rub one out in the shower every morning." I laugh at the use of rub one out.

"Yeah, well, I used to make myself come every night when I had a shower and then every evening thinking about you in the shower and here you were in the shower apparently jacking off too." Giggling about the insanity of this entire conversation.

"Ok, if we are going to keep talking about this then I _need_ to be inside you." He says thrusting inside me to the hilt before he has even finished talking.

"Fuck."

"I used to think about sticking my rock-hard cock so deep inside you that you could feel it in your throat just like you are now." His words make me clench around him, eliciting a strangled groan resonating from deep within his chest.

"I used to think about how good it would feel with you as you gradually pulled out before slamming into me making me scream." Before I can say anything else I feel him pulling out of me at a languid pace that feels so wonderful before slamming back into me making me moan, loudly.

"I used." He stops momentarily, looking affectionately into my eyes as he slams back into me making my back bows off the bed, crushing me into his chest. "To think." Another slam. "About making." Another. "You scream." Another. "Just like. This." He says punctuating the last word with a thrust that shoves me further up the bed. My hands go flying up to the headboard in a desperate attempt to stop myself from going through it. We continue talking about the fantasises we used to have when we were back at the castle and after we moved out, both silently promising to fulfil each and every one.

He resumes with his calculated withdrawals before slamming back into me again and again. Before long we're both a sweaty mess as he continues to thrust relentlessly into me leaving my already slightly sore pussy undoubtedly bruised. Though I honestly I don't care because the pleasure coursing throughout my body vastly outweigh any pain I feel.

"Fuck I'm going to come." I say feeling my stomach muscles tighten.

"Come on Anastasia give it to me." He says still pounding into me, even though I know it's taking a real effort on his part, judging by the sweat on his brow. My fingernails are now digging into the headboard trying to hold myself steady. I can tell he wants to pick up his trusts to come but he's hesitating, he wants me to come first and that thought alone is enough to put me over the edge and shatter around him.

"F-u-c-k." I stammer out as he grunts above me thrusting into me filling me with hot blasts of come which elongate my orgasm.

He half collapses onto me resting for a few seconds knowing he can't completely or he will crush me before rolling us over, so I lay onto of him before we both drift off to sleep again. It's not lost on me that I didn't even look out the window, so I have no inclination as to what time it is not that I really care.

* * *

 **Sometime later.**

I wake up on top of Christian, my head is tucked under his chin listening to his steady heartbeat. A sound that never fails to calm me, his chest rises and falls beneath me in a steady manner that tells me he is still asleep below me.

I place my hands on either side of the mattress just shy of his shoulders pushing myself up, sitting up slightly makes me acutely aware of the fact that Christian is still inside me, not that I'm complaining because quite frankly how could anyone complain about that. _I certainly won't._ Christian being inside me makes me feel safe, loved, fearless and complete and that is a feeling no one could ever get enough of. _Especially me._

Christian is still yet to stir but his body is definitely awake, even if his mind isn't because his semi-hard cock is hardening with every movement I make. I slowly rise inching my way off his cock despite my body's protest _well_ _my_ _pussy's_ protest to stay exactly where I am but I proceed anyway knowing needs must be met.

As I reach the tip move my gaze from his beautiful calm face down his body to where we are connected. I watch as the tip of him gradually leaves me until his tip is just barely touching my core. Causing a mixture of our come to slowly leak out of me and onto him. _Fuck that's hot!_

I shuffle my way off the bed as quietly and softly as I can, so I don't wake him. Silently I leg it into the bathroom, I fix the reason I woke up. Flushing the toilet, I hold my breath desperately hoping it don't wake him, I exit the bathroom after washing my hands to find him still sleeping. _Thank god._ However, when I reach the end of the bed about to attempt to climb back on and complete the task at hand, his hand moves from his side up to touch his now very erect penis. I assume to make it less painful even if he's still asleep, I think. Instead I launch myself landing between his legs careful not to crush them, I grab his hand pinning it to the mattress with the other one. As I run my tongue up his shaft from base to tip catching ever drop of our combined essences in my path. I moan quietly savouring the taste as it melts on my tongue. _I'm not ashamed to admit I like the way I taste but mixed with Christian's already heady flavour, it's a pussy tingling combination._

I'm surprised the contact doesn't wake him, he stirs but doesn't wake. I repeat the motion around every side of his now throbbing cock, making sure not a single drop is wasted. As the precum begins to leak out of his head I move my mouth positioning it directly over the top just enough to have the tip fully in my mouth swirling my tongue around lapping up every ounce of precum I can locate. This wakes him, his eyes flutter open and connect with mine. I hollow out my cheeks as I lower myself onto him. He reaches the back of my throat the familiar burning sensation begins, making my pussy clench. I relax my throat allowing his full length to enter me. I breathe through my nose making his pubic hair vibrate, which in turn makes his cock twitch in my throat. _Thank god I don't have a gag reflex._

I gradually rise slipping him out of my mouth, when I reach his tip I swirl my tongue around it before lowering myself onto him again. His hands struggle against mine holding them in place giving me control. He and I both know that if he really wanted them free he could easily break them free, ever since he came back from Harvard he's been ripped not quite The Rock standard but still definitely enough to overpower me if he really wanted to. He groans above me whispering expletives every few moments and bucks his hips slightly every so often, but he gives me complete control which is turning me the fuck on. I never really understood how giving someone else pleasure would give me pleasure as well, at least not like this, but this is Christian, my Christian and this is everything I've ever wanted. I continue to take him all the way in and back up again until he starts twitching and hardens to the point where it's almost painful to take his full length. This time when I take him, I graze my teeth not enough to cause and pain just enough to give him the added sensation he needs to put him over the edge and he does spilling hot come down my throat as I try to swallow all of it but it's too much. Some spills out landing in the pubic hair at the base of his shaft. Not that I mind I'll get it in a minute.

When he's finished coming down from his high, I slip him out of my mouth with a pop. I rise up his body kissing each of the muscles of his six pack before working my way up kissing both his nipples before kissing up his sternum and throat. I plant a chaste kiss on his lips before settling on the bed beside him.

"Holy fuck." He chuckles. "Now I get why you like my wake-up calls."

"Yep! Thought you might need a physical presentation to understand." I giggle.

"Fuck I love you." He must have said it a hundred times to me in the past twenty-four hours, but it never fails to make my heart flutter, I hope it never will.

"I love you too." I say before he pulls me in for a kiss. I go to push him away knowing I taste of him, but he pulls me in anyway. He actually groans at the taste once his tongue slips inside, which only serves to drench me between my thighs. I squirm beside him trying to relieve the ache now pulsating below, but it does nothing.

"Need some help with that." He asks with a smirk that would make the devil proud.

"Mmm, as fantastic as that sounds its nearly two in the afternoon and I have to make cookies before we go to the castle tonight. Plus, we haven't even had breakfast."

"Do we have to go?" He says giving me puppy dog eyes and fluttering his eyelashes in the most childlike fashion that makes it almost impossible to say yes. Almost.

"Yes."

"But why?" He says sulking like a two-year-old.

"Because we always go home on Sunday and it's Sunday and you love your mom's cooking. You can't deny that."

"I don't but I would much rather eat you."

"Well you can do that too." He still looks sad, so I decide to give him more incentive. "In your old bedroom."

"Don't fucking mess with me woman." He says pushing my shoulders pinning me to the mattress with his hands and full body weight.

"I'm not messing with you, I pinkie promise you can eat me out all you like on the old mattress."

"Urgh. Now I'm hard again and I have to pee." He huffs before jumping up off the bed and running into the bathroom making me chuckle.

* * *

A few minutes pass and he still isn't out and I haven't heard him go so I shout. "You sure you need to pee?"

"No Anastasia I'm not, I've only been doing this for 26 years and I haven't figured it out. Yes of course I fucking need to pee." I can see him raising his eyebrows as he yells back.

"Then what is taking so long?"

"Have you ever tried to pee with a boner?"

"Yes of course I have." I laugh out.

"Oh yeah, I forgot you had a dick." He chuckles back.

"Well, I have been told I have balls of steel." I say barely keeping it together.

"Anastasia the laughing is not helping."

"Sorry, should I just go and make some food?" I say just catching my breath.

"Don't you dare fucking move." He growls from the bathroom.

"Well, then hurry the fuck up because despite the fact it's what I want, we don't have all day to spend in bed."

"I'm coming as fast as I can."

"And if you don't hurry up I'm going to make myself come _as fast as I can_." I say beginning to rub my clit knowing it will make him hurry up.

I rub for no more than a minute before I hear the toilet flush and the tap run. He comes charging into the room still at full salute I might add and launching himself on the bed. Ripping my hand from my clit before pinning both hands on either side of my hips as he straddles my thighs the tip of his cock brushing my pubic bone.

He leans down kissing lightly at the corners of my mouth before he plants a slow deep closed mouth kiss on my lips that shouldn't have enough power to take my breath away, but it does. He moves away from my mouth before kissing his way down my neck, before taking each nipple into his mouth before descending my body. Lightly nipping and sucking at the edges of my pussy torturing me for teasing him in the bathroom. I should be mad, but it feels too good. He wastes no time taking my clit into his mouth and sucking on it like a lollypop, it takes maybe two minutes before I feel my orgasm begin to build, he doesn't let up he just keep sucking and nibbling me, taking me higher and higher until I'm standing on the edge.

But he doesn't let me tumble over. He abruptly pulls away releasing the grip on my hands and climbs off the bed before I even know what hit me.

"What the fuck?" I say sitting up and scowling at him but he just smirks in response so I throw a pillow at him which hits him square in the middle of his chest. He huffs but doesn't move. _Argh!_

"You teased me, so I'm gonna tease you."

"Fuck you, asshole." I say lowering my hand to rub my clit because if he won't get me off I'm sure as hell gonna relieve this throbbing.

"Don't you fucking dare."

"Am I just supposed to go around all day and have my clit throb and the rest of my pussy feel like it is on fire?"

"Not all day but at least during breakfast." _Fine two can play at that game._

I pick up my phone from the bedside table, I don't remember putting it there, but oh well.

"Sawyer can you turn the camera's off in the kitchen and… you know what just turn them all off."

"You sure?" He says, I can hear the clicking of keys, which I assume is Sawyer doing as I requested.

"Oh, and can… you um… delete the footage from last night too, before you watch it?"

"Already deleted it. I only watched until Kate and Elliot left, then I deleted the rest, don't worry."

"See this is why I love you." I say, and Christian gives me the most ridiculously jealous look, which makes me smile because he knows I see Sawyer the same way I see Elliot.

"I know _I'm fabulous._ " He says in a sing songy voice.

"You are."

"Sawyer take the day and go see Hannah and will you finally tell that girl you love her. You've been sleeping together for over a year and we all know you love her." I say as more of an order than a question.

"You knew?"

"Have you seen the way you look at her, it's like having a sign on your forehead that says, 'I'm fucking Hannah and I love her.'"

"Didn't realise I have a look."

"Oh, you do but Hannah also happens to be quite a good friend and she may or may not love you too. She's just to scared you'll run if she says it first, so tell her."

"Ana why now?"

"Because I wasted fifteen years being in love with someone because I was too afraid to say it, don't be me, don't waste time because who knows how long we all have. And also, because someone needs learn from mine and Christian mistakes." I hear movement on the other end of the phone before I hear his words.

"Hannah Elizabeth Jones I am head over heels in love with you." Luke says and I'm assuming that he's in bed and Hannah is in fact with him. My suspicion is confirmed when I hear Hannah.

"Lucas James Sawyer I am head over heels in love with you too." Hannah says before squealing and there is a dull thud on the other end before the line goes dead.

"What on earth are you smiling at?" Christian says pulling me from the bed into his arms and throwing my phone on the bed.

"Sawyer told Hannah he loved her, and Hannah said it back." I smile up at him and he smiles back.

"Looks like declarations of love are going around."

"It would seem so." I say before pulling him into a heated kiss before I remember that I'm supposed to be mad at him. I shove myself away from him and grab a pair of panties from the top drawer slipping them on before walking out of the bedroom towards the kitchen.

"Are you really going to make breakfast in just a pair of panties?" He calls after me.

"Yep." Is all I respond before I begin to make breakfast.

* * *

Christian helped make breakfast, _well he did make the coffee_ and now we are sitting eating bacon, eggs and pancakes at the counter.

"How did you lose your virginity?" Christian asks out of the blue causing me to choke on a piece of bacon.

"What?"

"I wanna know how, I mean I think I know who but I wanna know how?"

"Your saying you want details?" He nods. "What you want a reason to kill James?" I say arching a brow.

"No. I'm curious. I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."

"Ok, but you have to promise not to kill James."

"I promise." He says drawing a cross over his heart on his bare chest, he's also sitting in just a pair of underpants with his very prominent erection straining at the fabric, which makes me smirk every time I look at it, knowing he's in as much discomfort as I am. Don't worry I put on an apron while I cooked, I didn't want burned titties.

"You know about all the shit dates I went on before James, well needless to say I didn't sleep with any of them. But I went out with James because he was nice, he paid for dinner every time we went out and he was easy to talk to. I don't honestly remember how I got to actually losing my virginity, but I told him I was a virgin and he didn't run so… Anyway, we went on a total of five dates I think before he even kissed me that was my first kiss as well."

"First kiss?" He asks looking completely shocked.

"Yeah, where else would I have been kissed. In high school everyone basically ignored me because they know if they got close to me, you or Elliot would knock their teeth out and I was always more focus on my studies. Then we went to college and they were all just idiotic frat boys or geeks. Plus, I was focused on you and the company. Then I passed the point where it was acceptable to have never been kissed, so I figured I'd just die an un-kissed virgin.

Then I went on all these shitty dates Kate, your Mom, hell even Mia set up and all the guys sucked. In fairness to them no one could ever hold a candle to you. But then I went on a date with James and he wasn't a dick, he didn't throw it back in my face that I made more money than him and he was kind. But I think we both knew I wasn't ever going to fall in love with him and we were both honestly ok with that. James wasn't ready for a relationship and neither was I. When we were on our fifth date we got to talking about a friend's with benefits arrangement and we both silently agreed to be monogamous until he was ready for a real relationship or one of us got bored. Evidently that was six months ago when you walked in on me crying to Kate. But we hadn't seen each other outside of a meeting in months so I wasn't really bothered.

I lost my virginity on James' couch, and before you get mad I didn't want to have sex in his bed because the only person I wanted to be in bed with was you. It wasn't bad, he made sure I came, it still hurt though, he's not as big as you but he's not exactly small either. Eventually we did have sex in a bed but I never stayed longer than necessary."

"You lost your virginity on a couch?" He says before he starts to laugh.

"What the fuck is so funny?" I say punching him in the arm.

"I... I lost mine on a couch too." He says when he catches his breath and I start to laugh too even though I'm not all together sure why it's so funny. It just is.

"You have to tell me how." I say once we've calmed down.

"You ready to laugh?" He asks, I nod. "Ok, I'm pretty sure you'll remember it was the day I came home late, and you told me I had to shower."

"You reeked of her perfume."

"I know and I'm sorry. If I had known how you felt I never would have come home smelling of someone else."

"If we'd know how the other felt or at least believed others when they tried to tell us the other felt the same way then we would have done a lot of things differently. Hell, we would probably be married with 2.5 kids by now."

"Probably, anyway a couple of guys from school dragged me to a frat party and I wasn't quite drunk, but I was definitely on my way. There was a girl there and as bad as it sounds I don't even remember her name we danced and then went upstairs to one of the rooms and I looked at the bed and just couldn't do it, so I fucked her on the couch for not even five minutes before I came. She didn't."

"So Mr. I'm gonna make you come fifteen times tonight didn't even get the girl he lost his virginity to, to come, ha that's brilliant. Tell me Elliot had something to say about that?" I say laughing making Christian laugh to.

"No, he has no leg to stand on. We all know how he lost his virginity." He says with a chuckle.

"Oh my god yeah." Let's just say that Elliot makes Christian look like the marathon man in comparison. We both laugh before we finish our breakfasts and we start making cookies to take to the castle.

Making cookies with Christian doesn't exactly go as planned Christian has never been one to follow recipes which is why you cannot trust him to make anything more than breakfast. For one he can't keep his hands off me, which is really my fault for wearing nothing but a pair of panties and an apron but I'm really not complaining about that. Then he adds to much salt to the first batch, so I have to put it aside to deal with when the cookies are in the oven.

Once the cookies are in the oven we begin to tidy up but the further we get into the task the more obvious it becomes that Christian has other plans.

"What the fuck?" I screech as the first lump of cookie dough hits me square on my left collar bone.

"What?" He says giving me a look of pure innocence which we both know is complete bullshit.

"You, asshole." I say launching myself across the counter and grabbing a massive handful of the ruin cookie dough and smearing it down his chest, some of the chocolate chips (white, dark and milk because sometimes you deserve the extravagance of triple chocolate chip cookies, right?) escape the dough and cascade down to the wooden floor below sounding like rain drops.

"You are so dead." He growls and I back up off of the counter not before I grab a handful of cookie dough. He lobs a chunk at me that lands in my hair so I throw my handful at him which lands in his hair. _See how it feels._ This goes on for a while until we are both ironically covered in cookie dough and there is none left in the bowl because what's not on us is all over the floor. _Remind me to give Ros a healthy tip for cleaning this up._

We sink to the floor side by side in front of the oven both doubled over with laughter. This right here is what I missed, I missed the guy who makes me feel like a kid again. No sooner do our butts hit the floor the timer off on the oven for the cookies. I stand taking the cookies out and put them on the marble counter and turn the oven off. As the tray hits the counter hands wrap around my waist, I release my hold on the tray and am carted off to the shower over Christian's shoulder. Where we lose ourselves in each other all over again. _Of course, now I'm no longer mad at him since I got off. Yay me!_

* * *

 **The next chapter will be dinner at the Grey's.**

 **I'm working on a new story that's a lot darker because that's how I've been feeling lately. The ideas for this story will not get out of my head. More about that later.**

 **Anyway, thank you for reading and sorry it's been a while, but fret not I will not give up on this story until it's completed. There are probably only about 4 chapters left after the next. Please leave a review and let me know how I'm doing so far.**

 **Fearfully Brave.**


	19. Chapter 18

**I could tell you my life's been insane and that where I've been or I could just let you enjoy the 5000 word below that hopefully make my absence worth it.**

* * *

 **Christian's POV**

Ana's hand comes down on my pecks as she slaps me.

"Will you stop it?" She whines.

"Stop what?" I ask feigning innocence.

"Stop trying to finger me or kiss me while I'm trying to get ready. Your distracting me and you know it."

"If you let me have my way with you it wouldn't be distracting." I say attaching my lips to her neck and suck just enough not to leave a mark.

"Ah." She moans as she melts into the kiss before sharply pulling away. "No, we need to leave in the next five minutes or we _are_ going to be late. Seeing as you're already dressed, you can go and put the cookies in a container, so we can take them with us when I'm ready. Please."

"Fine but don't wear jeans put on a skirt because I have plans." I say wiggling my eyebrows suggestively as I walk out of our bedroom. _Our bedroom._ Hmmm that has a very nice ring to it.

* * *

 **A while later.**

We are a few minutes from the castle and Ana has finally given in and is letting me have my way with her.

"Eye's on the road." She moans when I steal a glance at her face, I know I shouldn't but damn is she beautiful when she's about to come.

"Fine."

"Oh shit." She half yells, half moans as her clit begins to pulse under my finger. _Thank god for automatic cars_. The car zig zags slightly as I flicker my gaze between her and the road as she comes undone beneath my fingertips, which is why I'm grateful the roads are empty. Her hand is gripping the car door so tightly her knuckles are turning white as her legs shake and she whimpers.

The last of her aftershocks fizzles through her body as we pull up the driveway of my parents' house.

"Why did you finally give in?" I ask because she was adamant when we got in the car that there would be no funny business while I was driving, in fact those were her exact words.

She opens the car door before turning to face me and reaching across the console to hold my now very prominent bulge. "Because you worked me up with your hand constantly skimming my thigh and I knew I would just end up squirming all through dinner if I didn't get a release, but that wasn't what made me give in. This is what made me give in." She says as she firmly squeezes me through my jeans just to the point of pain which makes me grunt as I throw her a puzzled look, not quite understanding. "I now know you'll be just as squirmy as I would have been." She says before stepping out of the car and grabbing the cookie box in the foot well before poking her head back in. "Oh, and good luck hiding that." Eyeing my cock before slamming the door and running up the last part of the driveway and into the house before I've even registered what she just said.

 _That woman is a siren and she's all mine. Mmm mine._ _She's right though, what am I going to do with this bulge?_

* * *

 **Kate's POV**

I'm walking from the great room through to the kitchen across the foyer when the front door swings open making me jump. Despite the fact the front door is never locked everyone always knocks, well everyone except Elliot because despite the fact his mother raised him to be a gentleman he really is more of a caveman, not that I care because quite frankly it's what makes him, him and I love him just the way he is. Ana runs in which surprises me because out of all of us she would be the one to always knock, she is looking behind her and only spins her head just in time to stop herself before colliding with me.

"Shit." She says skidding to a stop just in front of me. "Sorry Kate." She says enveloping me in a tight embrace.

"No worries, but where is the fire?" I ask looking behind her to see what she was running from.

"No fire. I'm running from Christian."

"Why?" I say with a light chuckle because there is no way those two would actually be scared of each other.

"Umm." She hums as the blush rages in her cheeks.

"What did you do Anastasia?" I say with faux anger.

"I left him hanging." Giggling she turns to look at the door again.

"You left him hanging? Oh, _hanging._ " Raising my eyebrows suggestively.

"Yeah so help me hide because think I'm in trouble."

"Anastasia Rose Steele you're a dead woman." Christian bellows from outside but you can hear the mirth in his voice, well I can since I've known the guy long enough to know when he's joking.

"Help me." Ana squeaks with puppy dog eyes.

"Come on." I say dragging her by the wrist into the kitchen, where Grace and Mia are having a somewhat heated debate about cooking, I assume because really unless it's a sandwich I can't cook to save my life. I'm lucky though because that's where Elliot takes after his Mom and Mia.

"What did you do?" Mia and Grace ask in unison when we enter the kitchen.

"I couldn't possible tell you." I say making Ana turn more into a tomato than before.

"Kate." She whines as she playfully slaps my arm. "Don't listen to her but will you hide me?" Ana asks pleading with Grace and Mia to help her.

"Go around that way and I'll keep him distracted while you hide." Grace smiles at her as she takes the Tupperware container from Ana's arms and nods towards the door.

"Thank you and hey." Ana says hugging Grace and Mia as they respond in kind. "They're cookies by the way. Triple Chocolate." Ana says nodding to the box.

"Sweet." Elliot says wrapping his arms around my waist and planting a kiss on my neck instantly making me putty in his arms. "You smell good enough to eat." He whispers in my ear so only I can hear and if I were anyone else I'd blush at the fact that he just said that with his mother and sister in the room but I'm not so I moan only loud enough for him to hear.

"Didn't hear you come in." I say before standing more on my tiptoes than just my heels and whispering in his ear making it look like I'm kissing his cheek instead. "Eat me later." He responds by pushing his now semi-hard cock into me and I have to use all the restraint I have not to groan loudly.

"That was the point. What did you do to my brother Banana, he seems pissed?" Elliot says looking at Ana with a knowing look.

"Nothing." Ana mumbles biting her lip.

"Something, she isn't prepared to face the consequences for." I say and I am so tempted to reach behind me and tease Elliot too but I'll refrain, _for now_.

"Well go hide then, Dad and Ethan have him distracted, at least for the moment."

"Thank you." Ana says running off and out the back entrance of the kitchen.

We all know what's about to happen next so we go into the great room knowing that Christian is waiting for Ana because he knows exactly where she is going to run and try and hide. She knows this too, which is why we all know she's not really afraid.

Ethan is sitting on one of the sofas with Sam swaddled in his arms, I have to say it's strange seeing your baby brother with his child. I remember helping my Mom change his diapers and him following me around wanting to play and it all seems like yesterday, but now he's a Dad. I know Elliot feels the same way when he looks at Mia. Even though he had the slight urge to kill Ethan when they told us they were pregnant because it was no longer possible for Elliot to refute the fact that his little sister is definitely not a virgin anymore.

"Ah." Ana squeals in the hallway.

Carrick has Ava in his lap and she's babbling about something, it's amazing to me that she's two already, being a mother was something I was never really sure about but then I met Elliot and it just fit. I have to say the best and the worst part of being pregnant has to be the hormones but right now they have taken my libido off the charts to the point where Elliot and I are having sex more often now than when we first got together. _Fuck, now I'm horny again._

We have a surprise for everyone today, we were going to wait until after Christian got back from the honeymoon to tell everyone but since that didn't happen (thank God!) I wanted to tell everyone today. I really wanted to tell everyone as soon as we found out three weeks ago but I didn't want to over shadow the wedding prep so we waited and now I cannot wait any longer. Today is the day everyone finds out what we're having. Oh, by the way it's a…

 _Sorry you're just going to have to wait until everyone else finds out I'm afraid._

* * *

 **Elliot's POV**

"Put me down." Ana squeals as C brings her in over his shoulder as she flails about in a futile attempt to get him to put her down.

"Elliot arms." Christian says as he lowers Ana to the rug on the great room floor.

"With pleasure." It really is, any chance to wind Banana up and I jump at it just like I would for Mia.

"Ellie don't you dare." Ana warns starring up at me as she tries desperately to escape my brothers grip.

"I'm on his side, this time." I say pinning her wrists to the floor before bending down to whisper in her ear. "I know what you did and if Kate had done it to me lets just say there would be worse a punishment than this and she'd have trouble sitting for a while."

"Chickens. Both of you." She yells looking between us her eyes begging for mercy even though she knows she isn't going to get any.

"No _Anastasia_ we just think you should learn to fight fair." Christian growls.

"Oh, because this is fair I'm out matched by both of you. Guys someone help me." She pleads looking around the room before settling her gaze on Ava. "Ava help Auntie Ana get Uncle Christian." Ava being Ava always picks Ana so climbs off the sofa and out of Dad's lap before launching herself at C he falls to the floor to make her happy not because her teeny tiny frame could ever affect the behemoth that is my little brother. Don't get me wrong I'm fit I just don't quite have my brother's mass which is fine since Kate seems to prefer this over that.

"Hey, don't you like your Uncle Christian?" Christian asks Ava who has firmly planted herself on his stomach.

"Auntie Ana." Ava says jumping off of C, then onto Ana's stomach.

"Thank you, Ava." Ana says with a kissy face which Ava laps right up.

"Ava get her." I say realising I still have her pinned.

"Tick-tick." Ava says as she begins to tickle Ana well she tries to anyway and of course Ana plays along and laughs. I release Ana's wrists and she quickly flips so that Ava is underneath her and begins to tickle her.

"Traitor." C says to me as he joins Ana.

"Stop. Stop. Stop." Ava giggles out between breaths as they come to a stop and Ana sweeps her up into her lap.

"You sorry for tickling me?" Ana asks Ava who chuckles knowing Ana is only playing with her.

"No." Ava says wiggling her way out from under Ana and running at Kate who swoops her up into her arms and peppering her face with kisses.

"As fun as this is, dinner's ready. Boys table, girls kitchen." Mom says heading back into the kitchen and the girls follow leaving us to head to the dining room to lay the table settings.

* * *

 **A little while later.**

For the longest time Sunday family dinners have been our thing, quite frankly we've been having them for so many years it would be cause for alarm if someone didn't show. It's also become the place to share news both good and bad. I look over at Kate who is sat next to me silently asking me just using our eyes to talk, the way only two people who are in love can communicate. I ask her if now is the time, and she responds with a hell yes.

"Be back in a second." I say before running out to the car to grab the cake we were going to bring it in earlier but we figured people would ask why we brought it so we left in the car. This reveal should definitely be a surprise because no one is expecting it.

"What's that?" Ethan asks once I return.

"A cake." I state like it is the most obvious thing in the world.

"I can see that douchebag. I meant why did you bring a cake?"

"Because I was worried that Ana might be _preoccupied_ and wouldn't bring a cake, which she didn't."

"Hey you prick, I did bring something, which by the way you were pretty excited about if I remember correctly." Ana asks moderately offended, she's tucked under Christian's arm almost sitting in his lap.

"Yes, but there isn't many."

"Ok, there are 25 cookies and there is also ice cream as well, so it not like you're going to starve."

"Yeah well I could eat 5 all by myself, so."

"Well there was supposed to be fifty but someone got in the way of that." Ana says giving C the side eye.

"Gross." Mia says.

"Get your head out of the gutter little sis, she didn't mean it like that. I added too much salt to the other batch, that's why there isn't more." If it were just us kids I'd make some crude joke about why the cookie dough was salty but seeing as my Mom, Mia and Kate are sat at the table, that would definitely earn me a slap from at least one of them if not all, so I'm keeping my mouth shut.

"Oh." Mia says relieved.

"Then I may have covered Ana in cookie dough." Christian mutters under his breath so only Mia, Kate, Ana and I can hear which makes us all roar with laughter, while Ana swats Christian's chest.

"I will say it again. Gross." Mia says with an added exaggerated shiver which only makes us laugh harder.

"Act all innocent if you want Mia but did you not have a bun in the oven?" Ana giggles pointing an accusatory finger.

"Don't." Ethan and I growl in unison. That's one thing that makes me respect Ethan not just because he's Kate's little brother but because he treats my sister right even if they are… you know what. _Fuck damnit now I wanna punch something._ _Or Ethan._ Kate senses me starting to lose it so she begins running her foot up and down my calf to calm me and it works but simultaneously that little action turns me to granite. _Great now I have to sit to hide my erection._

"Enough the lot of you." Mom says instantly diffusing the situation in a way only she can.

"Mom wanna do the honours and cut the cake." I say opening the box.

"Sure." She says getting up to walk around to my end of the table, my Dad is giving me a quizzical look like he can tell that I'm up to something. _Just you wait old man._ I shift in my seat to pull my shirt out of my trousers to cover my erection because Kate is still rubbing my fucking calf. I shoot her a side glance with a nonchalant shrug. She's daring me to tell her to stop, knowing I never would. _Although, now that I think about it, isn't this the way Ana left Christian?!_

Mom takes the cake out of the box and grabs a knife to cut it. She cuts a slice forming a perfect triangle, she pulls the slice from the rest of the cake and places it on a plate before she realises that the icing on the inside of the cake is coloured differently. The look on her face is priceless as she tries to figure out why. I stare at her trying not to say out loud 'think about it'.

"What's that look Mom?" C asks.

"Does this mean what I think it means?" Mom asks Kate and I as she tears up, this why we wanted her to be the one to cut the cake because no one could care more about her grandkids than my Mom.

"Depends what you think it means?" Kate asks teasingly.

"It's a boy?"

"What's a boy?" Practically everyone at the table asks.

"The baby we're having is a boy." I say turning to face everyone else who all respond with hoots and cheers and Mia with her 'I told you so' look. She said the moment Kate told her she was pregnant that it was going to be a boy, this time.

It's hugs and happiness all round as cliché as that sounds, this right here is why we come every Sunday like clockwork.

* * *

 **A little while later.**

 **Ana's POV**

Christian pulls me out of the tv room with his hand clamped over my mouth ensuring that I can't make a sound and wake everyone except Elliot and Kate who are sneaking out ahead of us. Everyone else has fallen asleep on the sofas and we put the movie on repeat, so we have a while before anyone wakes and comes looking for us, _we hope_. Mia just fed Sam so she will sleep for a while and so will everyone else.

I'm practically yanked backwards towards the stairs as Ellie and Kate head into the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" Kate asks in a whisper yell.

"To fuck." I whisper yell back mocking her, like she not going to be doing the same thing!

"Well obviously but where?"

"Old bedroom."

"Have fun." She says with a muted squeal as Elliot drags her to the boathouse. _See what I mean._

"Oh, she will." Christian growls throwing me over his shoulder before climbing the stairs two at a time into his old room.

I land with a squeak on the bed in his old bedroom, which causes him to plant a mind-numbing kiss on me, effectively silencing me.

"Don't think I've forgotten what happened earlier." He threatens but it only serves to make me squirm further. He reaches under my skirt and rips my barely there panties off my body.

"Christian." I whisper protesting as he puts the now scrap of fabric in his jean pocket.

"Your punishment." He says spreading my legs almost violent before dipping down and fastening his lips around my clit so fast I don't have a chance to disagree.

He swirls his tongue is some sort of pattern, _I think_ , while he simultaneously manages to suck on my clit, which drives me towards the edge at record speed.

"Oh-" I mutter as my walls begin to flutter but it is swiftly cut off before I can even finish by a hand clamping down on my mouth while the other hand slides down my body slowly then several of his fingers slide inside me one by one and with expert precision finding my g-spot instantly. My back bows and my feet dig into the mattress as my climax takes over making my body quiver from my head to my toes.

When I come back to my senses, there's a hand clamped over my mouth and his mouth is still wrapped around my now overly sensitive clit, which is almost painful and too much for me to handle. I try to squirm out of his grip but he won't let me move but he does finally release my clit even if it just for a few moments but his fingers are still inside me stroking my g-spot.

"Don't move, you pinkie promised I could eat you _all I wanted_ on my old mattress, in my old bedroom and I'm still hungry for more."

I mumble through his hand trying in vain to speak before he releases my mouth, so he can understand me and not arouse everyone down stairs. "Can you just give me a second I'm too fucking sensitive?"

"Fine, it's been a second." He says dipping back down and locking onto my clit as his fingers begin to stroke again, before my body even has a moment to even consider whimpering his hand clamps back down on my mouth quickly. Thankfully the few seconds of conversation has lessened the sensitivity down there and I no longer feel like my body will implode. But I know it's coming because he's not had his fill of me. _Oh, good lord!_

* * *

 **Christian's POV**

I eat her out to completion twice more before I release her and stand up to unbuckle my belt honestly, I'm surprised I held out that long. Let's just says that a boner in jeans is extremely uncomfortable and hurts, quite a bit actually, if my hands hadn't been otherwise occupied then I definitely wouldn't have waited until now to free myself. I swear eating Ana out is like getting a blowjob, it's a minor miracle I didn't come in my pants. I think it was only sheer determination that there would be no way to explain away that wet spot to my parents that staved off my perpetually impending orgasm.

She looks so fucking beautiful and almost drunk off the endorphins. Once free from my clothing I pull Ana to the edge of the bed before flipping her onto her front which causes her to let out a squeak of surprise, which makes me chuckle. I flip up her skirt exposing those perfect ass cheeks I can't help but squeeze, she lets out a low moan in response, which lets my mind wander to what else would make her moan. _Focus Grey this is not the moment to get adventurous._ I don't need to check if she's ready I already know she is, so I line myself up with her entrance and thrust into her completely in a single move. I push her face into the mattress not enough to make her suffocate just to stop the inevitable scream that she'll produce if I didn't, I know we've be up here to long and the last thing we need is for someone to come looking for us or even worse hear us.

I can already feel my balls tightening and I haven't even started moving yet. _Shit._ But I know Ana and the more orgasms she has the quicker she is able to come again after. _Thank fuck,_ because there is no way I'm gonna last after everything today. She thinks her punishment is that I ripped her panties. _Ha!_ She hasn't figured out what that means yet but she will when I'm finished. The look on her face is going to be worth any retribution she throws at me.

I pull back so the tip is just barely inside her before slamming back into her, her hands are threaded into the comforter so hard I'd be surprised if her nails didn't break through.

"Ana bite down." I grunt stilling my movements.

"Huh?" She half whines turning her head, her hair is a mess which she is going to kill me for. _Oh well._

"Bite down on the comforter I don't want to suffocate you and I definitely don't want you to scream the house down." To her credit she doesn't even bat an eyelid she just turns her head and buries it into the bed, I assume biting down, as I instructed. Well she better or the whole house is about to wake up.

My hands find their place on her shoulders as I begin to thrust into her so hard you would think the bed would move, it probably would if it wasn't solid oak. I know I should be worried I'm hurting her but from the sounds coming from her I know I'm not, she's enjoying this as much as I am. I'm so close, I can't hold back, I can't stop to make sure she's there with me but her body locks up at the first spurt of my release and I know she's with me. I collapse on top of her for a few moments before my brain awakes and I'm aware I'm too heavy for her. I straighten up taking her with me as I lower us to the floor with her on top of me.

We're both basking in the afterglow when a knock on the door pulls us from it.

"C, Banana hurry up everyone's awake." Elliot says from the other side of the door.

"Shit." Ana says jumping to her feet so fast she forgets I'm still inside her until it's too late. "You motherfucker." Ana yells as my full punishment dawns her as my come leaks out of her and down the inside of her thighs.

"What the hell did I do?" Elliot asks muffled slightly through the door.

"Not you, this one." She says kicking my hips slightly still not looking up from where the come is leaking out from, almost as if she's mesmerised by it. "I am going to kill you. Go down stairs and distract everyone I'll be down in a minute." She practically growls still not looking up.

"Looking forward to it." I say jumping up from the floor fixing my clothes before I kiss her and she wanders off into the attached bathroom.

"You're lucky Mom and Dad are cool." Elliot says as I open the door once I'm sure Ana is safely in the bathroom.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask raising an eyebrow.

"It means you've been up here for forever." I look at my watch confirming my brother is once again just being a shithead.

"We've been up here less than half hour dickhead and some off us can actually last." I punching his arm.

"Shut up, some of us know what we're doing and don't need time." He says shoving me but we both know there's no real malice behind it.

"Whatever just because I take my time doesn't mean I don't know what I'm doing. _Repeatedly._ "

"Sure, if that's what you're going with. I gotta ask." He says looking behind us as we reach the stairs I assume to confirm Ana isn't behind us and listening. "When you popping the question?"

"Fucking hell E I literally got together with her yesterday."

"Yeah and you've loved her since like the dawn of time?"

"Yesterday, E. _Yesterday._ "

"So that doesn't mean you don't already have plans?"

"Oh, I have plans."

"Plans for what?" Kate asks walking from the kitchen straight into Elliot's awaiting arms, it would be nauseating if I didn't know for a fact I'm the same way with Ana.

"Nothing." We say in unison not because we both don't know Elliot is going to tell Kate as soon as they're alone but because the last thing we need is Ana over hearing.

"All I'm gonna say is that it will be by the end of the year and if things go the way I think they will then it will involve a Friends episode."

"Which one?" Elliot asks as Kate turns in Elliot's arms, he wraps his arms around her waist, while Kate wraps her arms around his neck almost threading them together. After a quick kiss they both start slowly caressing her bump. _God, I want that. It's too soon though right?_

"That's for me to know and you to find out."

"Always so cryptic." Ana says from somewhere behind me, I turn to find her standing halfway up the stair. A small bout of panic leaves me frozen wondering what she heard, then again, it's not like she doesn't already know she's the one I wanna marry. But because I when I do ask her I want to make it special and for it to be a surprise. My fears are alleviated in a heartbeat when she asks. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing." Kate, Elliot and I all answer in unison which cause everyone in the room to burst out laughing including Ana. She walks down the rest of the stairs and into my arms. _I told you I'd be just like them._

Mom and Dad walk towards us in the foyer both looking still slightly sleepy. _I knew Elliot was fucking around._

Mom asks what we're doing and we all instantly reply in unison. "Nothing." We barely make it to the end of the word before we all burst out laughing causing our parents to give us a funny look. Which makes us laugh hard because we weren't even discussing the real reason we all are out here in the first place.

"As much as I love you all it is getting late and I have an early morning shift." Loosely translated - get out so your father and I can be alone, which makes all us shudder. None of us want to think about our parents in _that_ position _._ "Out now and I won't bring up the state of their hair." Which she just did, looking back and forth between Ana and Kate. Which makes all laugh again and cringe at the same time. _Guess she's knows what we've all been up to._

We all say our goodbyes, Ana of course fusses over Ava and Sam for a good five minutes _each_ before contemplating leaving. Which makes me wonder how long it will before we have one of our very own to fuss over. _Would it be insane if I said I couldn't wait?_

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 **Thank you as always for reading. Please let me know what you think.**

 **Fearfully Brave.**


	20. Epilogue

**I must have started this chapter over 20 times. I sit down to write and either life or my brain gets in the way. I'm either hating what I wrote or can't think of what to write that might be due to the fact I've got another story basically written in my head. To add insult to injury my laptop broke and I had to get a new one when I tried writing on my tablet it just didn't work so…**

 **Any way here it is. I hope it was worth the wait.**

* * *

 **New Year's Eve 2018**

 **Christian's POV**

It's a strange feeling waking up to know that this day will change your life. The day I met Ana I know for a fact, that I definitely didn't know that day would change my life forever, in the best possible way. There have been so many defining days in our past that have led us to today and no matter how tough some of them were, I wouldn't change a single one. Today will be one of the most defining days of our lives.

There is just one other thing that needs to be done before everything in our lives will fall into place, and if all goes to plan, that final piece will happen tonight.

"Mmm, you smell good." I say walking up behind Ana where she's talking to Mia and Kate. I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her to me.

"You're not so bad yourself." She murmurs as she spins her head to face me, so she can kiss me.

Mia makes a gagging noise, which pulls us out of our bubble, as we both stare daggers at her.

"Really? You'd be ok if I just started making out with Ethan in the middle of the room?" She asks raising an eyebrow at us, which both Ana and Kate giggle. I get her point I really do but it's _Ana_.

"Ok, ok, I'll keep it PG." I relent knowing I won't win this one.

"Much appreciated." As the conversation drifts back to talk of the New Year and our future plans, I drown it out mentally, checking that everything is ready for tonight.

There are maybe as many as 50 people at my parents' house this evening, for the festivities. Although, tonight is a happy night, it's still somewhat of a struggle for Ana, we spent part of the morning flipping through old photo albums. Its sad Ana's parent will never get to see the woman she's become, but I know they'd be proud of who she is, because I know I am. We always try to make tonight special, so it isn't as haunted by that one bad memory. I want her to have a new memory, so happy, that she will never be able to look back at this night and be saddened by it again. Instead, I want her to look at this night as the beginning of the rest of our lives.

* * *

It's almost midnight when I pull Ana away, apologising to my parents.

"What are you doing? We so do not have time for a quickie. If you want to make it back before midnight?" She says looking up at me with eyes filled with both laughter and desire. The logical side of her fighting with the part that wants to say, _fuck it lets do it anyway_.

"Woman you only have a one-track mind." I say feigning innocence, when in reality I'm just as bad as she is, if not worse.

"Mmm hmm, like this isn't the first time you've done that?" She asks with a raised eye brow.

"Ok, fair point, but if we don't hurry, we _will_ be late."

"Late for what? The countdown was in there, not out there." She states as we get to the front door.

"Come on, there's something I want to show you?"

"Out there? It's cold and I'll end up breaking an ankle in these things." She gestures to her heels.

"Fair enough." I say dipping into the coat closet and grabbing our coats. "Put this on."

Once we both have our coats on, I get her to jump up onto my back and piggy back her down the driveway.

"Where are we going? There isn't a single part of this place I don't know like the back of my hand, so what can you possible show me?" I stay silent because I don't have anything to say without ruining the surprise. "God, you're crazy."

"Ah, but you love me anyway."

"I do." She says tipping her head forwards to kiss my cheek just as we get to the gates.

When we get to our spot, I pop her down and turn to face her, wrapping my arms around her waist.

"Fifteen years ago, I met the most amazing girl in the world right here, in this spot. She was bleeding and bruised, with tears streaming down her face and was in so much pain but she was still the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. She had this look in her eyes, I'd only ever seen in the mirror. That moment made me feel like, me again. I didn't feel alone anymore because there was someone in this world who understood me. I felt this pull I couldn't explain but I realise now that was the moment, I fell in love, only back then I didn't understand it. That day she trusted a complete stranger to save her and I will never be more grateful because that day you gave me everything. You're my home, my best friend and the person I want at my side throughout everything, that life has to offer."

"Christian." She whispers but I bring my finger to her lips, to silence her.

"I know this night is always hard for you, but I wanted to give you a new memory, so you would you always be able to look back on it with joy. I want lazy Sunday afternoons, nightly conversations over dinner. Quickies in the office because I can only stand to be apart from you for so long. I want to wake up every morning with you in my arms and I want to grow old with you at my side. I want you to be the mother of my children, I want everything with you. I want to spend the beginning and end of every year with you." I drop to one knee releasing her, as I pull the box from my pocket. "Anastasia Rose Steele will you marry me?"

"Oh my god. Oh my god." She whispers with wide and watery eyes.

"Is that a yes?" I joke, only mildly freaking out.

"Christian, loving you has been both the hardest and easiest thing I've ever done. I've always hoped that one day I'd get to call you mine forever and now that I can it doesn't feel real. I'm terrified I'll wake up and this won't be real but, in the meantime, I'm going to soak up everything I can. That's a _hell_ yes." She says launching herself at me, taking us both to the ground, luckily there's enough snow to cushion our fall.

"Thank fuck." Is all I get out before her lips descend on mine, silencing me immediately.

As we sit up and I place the ring on her finger, the fireworks begin to ring out around us. Signalling the new year in more ways than one.

In the last few months, our life has changed pretty dramatically, for one Ana and I no longer live in Escala, we brought a house in Bellevue, not far from the rest of the family. The company is bringing more money than ever thanks to the publicity of the wedding and the fact that its CEO and COO share a bed. I guess it's true what they say, all publicity is good publicity, that being said for the first few weeks after the wedding it was a little insane, Ana and I could barely leave the apartment because of the sheer volume of press camped out front.

We both agreed at the beginning of the month, to take a step back from the company, we will both still be running the company but will be spending less time at the office. It's been in the works a while, as we had both been working far more than necessary, in the lead up to the wedding and it took a while to slow everything back down. We also agreed to start trying for a baby in the New Year, because we've waited long enough, why wait any longer.

Few people can say, they are going to marry their honest to God best friend, but I can and I can't wait to see what the future holds for us.

Here's to the rest of our lives.

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 **So** , **there it is** , **as always please leave a review and thank you for sticking with me on this journey. I love hearing from all of you.**

 **FearfullyBrave**


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